He refuses to go with me and then tells me that it looks bad if I go without him....
2007-07-12 17:48:11 · 29 answers · asked by SLIM 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
In the begining he would go with me... then, he would become too busy... "lets not go this week" and very soon, nx week never comes! I use to go sun, sun pm, & wed pm services! Everytime I try to get him to "allow" me or our family to go, he gets mad!
A lot of you are right, he is very controling and insecure... insecure that God is GREATER than him!(he says that he thinks the bible is just made up and not really true)
I love my hubby anyway and I feel bad that I am not serving God!
2007-07-12 18:06:36 · update #1
Just go. He doesn't own you. In fact, there should be no problem with you going to church and him staying home to mow the lawn/ sleep/ whatever. That is how healthy marriages work.
I was just talking to a coworker about a similar situation. She goes to church with her husband on Sunday, but refuses to go to any special services in the middle of the week (Ash Wednesday, Christmas, etc). He was initially upset and wanted her to go with him, but now he goes by himself.
However, since you use the word "allow," this makes me think that you are in an abusive marriage. Maybe not physical abuse, but most likely emotional or verbal abuse. Marriages are supposed to be partnerships, not ownerships. If he truly controls your activities like this, you should seek help from a marriage counselor, if not a lawyer.
2007-07-12 17:58:57 · answer #1 · answered by jellybeanchick 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can see why that would be frustrating to you.
I think maybe the answer lies in why he doesn't want to go with you. Is he shy? Or is he controlling? Or something else?
If it were me in your situation, I think I would reaffirm how important it is to you, and how much it helps you in your life. Maybe you could write him a letter explaining in detail your feelings, and why you feel the way you do about attending church. When I have had touchy issues in the past with people, and talking hasn't helped, writing a letter or email to them oftentimes has helped, because it's a lot easier for them to hear you out on it without stepping in to defend their own point of view. I would start with giving praise on the things he's been doing right, and then tell him exactly what is bothering you, and why it's so important to you. Tell him how you feel and ask for a change, clearly and directly. And reaffirm your love.
Anyway, good luck with this!
2007-07-13 01:25:13 · answer #2 · answered by carrie222 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you know what is right, so now it's just time to do it. If he's not willing to go to church with you, it's really unfortunate for him. That shouldn't stop you from doing it yourself though. Make sure he understands that serving the Lord has nothing to do with what "looks bad" to others. You're not there for anyone but God. Hopefully your example and your prayers for your husband will help him to come around.
2007-07-13 04:06:50 · answer #3 · answered by elizabeth_ashley44 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like church is not the problem, instead it seems like he wants to have control over you. Is this the only thing he's like this about, or are there other things? If it's a new behavior, it might be time for some counseling. When a marriage stops being 50/50 trouble starts happening. Good luck.
2007-07-13 00:53:05 · answer #4 · answered by The Oneder 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'd say he's a bit controlling. What he really means is that he's afraid the people at church might feel bad for you and oh, I don't know, make some friends? If he chooses to not attend, then fine. And if you choose to attend, then fine. Probably should have talked about this before marriage.
2007-07-13 00:55:14 · answer #5 · answered by sorri 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just do what I once did with my girlfriend (I'm not married, but it can work for you as well). I said:
"Baby, you know? I love you *a lot* but I love God more than you and I'm going to the church. Now, if you want, you can come with me, if not, OK, talk you later. No problem."
Then kiss him good-bye and leave. He'll make up his mind to follow you or just stay at home, but he will respect your decision anyway.
2007-07-13 10:35:08 · answer #6 · answered by Tedel 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go anyways. Who cares what he thinks. You have your religious beliefs, just because he doesn't want to go doesn't mean he shouldn't let you.
My sister goes to church without her husband all the time. It's not his thing.
He's just thinking about how it's going to make HIM look bad because you're going and he's not. They're all going to be wondering where he is and why he's not at church with you.
Don't stress him. You shouldn't have to ask permission or anything like that to go to church. So, just go.
2007-07-13 00:52:32 · answer #7 · answered by michelle b 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Address his issues and find out what the real problem is with you attending church. Let him know you love him and respect his feelings note you would love for him to come yet its his perogative to stay home and you respect that he chooses to stay yet u that you need to go to church respect my need like i respect yours. Ps dont nag the man about church hell come evenually God alaways has a way of finding us whereever we are.
Cater to him Make love and breakfast sunday morning leave him peacefully with dinner on the stove, a snack in the fridge. See u after Service." "Love you babe!"
2007-07-13 01:00:47 · answer #8 · answered by Caroline 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You go anyways. You obey God before man.God is 1 hubby is 2
2007-07-13 01:04:16 · answer #9 · answered by Icyelene R 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Looks bad to who?Jesus? And why does he care? Go to church if that's what you want. Tell him when you get to the pearly gates he can do his own explaining...
I don't believe in organized religion. I look just as good on Sunday as I do on Monday.
The cool thing is, Jesus still loves me ;)
2007-07-13 00:55:29 · answer #10 · answered by oracleofohio 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋