my husband cheated on me, again, and now I feel like I need to leave him. Is it wrong for me to save money behind his back, and begin looking for a place to live without him knowing? or should I just tell him and let whatever happens happen? I think we both know this marriage is not going to work out, we are just staying together right now for our kids and because of money.
2007-07-12 17:32:59 · 55 answers · asked by swtme810 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I only say that i need to save up because I don't have money right now to just move! That's why I wonder what to do!
2007-07-12 17:41:09 · update #1
we did go to counseling.....3 different times! We seperated once, last year. He said he wouldn't do it again, we had only been back together 2 months, cheated again, and now he still talks to her, and won't give her up! I think I'm done! I can't trust him and I don't think I'm willing to work on it anymore, I've tried sooooo many times!
2007-07-12 17:47:59 · update #2
You do what you have to for you and your kids...
2007-07-12 17:58:26 · answer #1 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the person that said every woman needs to have a secret savings account, but the problem is that you need money NOW. Don't waste anymore time with him just for the sake of money. There are many churches and organizations out there to help women and children make a new start. Besides, if you stay now he is going to think he can keep getting away with cheating. Also while you are pretending just to save money, you will end up feeling like a prostitute. My friend just did the same thing, it took her 7 months, and she always felt terrible even though he had done her wrong and deserved it.
2007-07-12 17:55:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
No, it is not wrong to plan an exit strategy behind your husband's back. In fact, I think it smart. Afterall, he went behind your back when he cheated on you.
You've tried counseling and that didn't work.
You have to look out for yourself and your children.
Start saving whatever you can now for as long as you can, but also start thinking about finances after you leave.
Do you have a job now? You will need one once you leave the marriage. How old are your children? Can you afford daycare or someone to help you out? Or, are your children old enough to attend grammar school? Will you need a car?
Good luck. You have made the right decision to leave.
2007-07-20 17:04:06 · answer #3 · answered by chansenfam@sbcglobal.net 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Girl you should leave him. You say your staying together because of the kids but that's just an excuse. You are not making their life easier just more complicated. The best thing to do is save your money, get your own place and once you have established your move tell him your out, your tired and you are not going to be his doormat anymore. He did not show you respect or compassion of your children and if he wants to keep seeing his "girlfriend" aka "slut" he can keep her because she will never compare or put up with all his b/s. Good Luck! Only you can make your life better.
2007-07-20 10:50:23 · answer #4 · answered by Whoa!! 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As a mom you should do what is best for your kids and it seems leaving your husband is the best thing because kids can also see when a marriage isn't working out no matter how hard you try to make things look good between you and your husband. Also don't keep it a secret that you are leaving because he already knows why so what is the point of hiding it from him.
2007-07-12 17:39:08 · answer #5 · answered by leona 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't really have to go behind his back unless he is a jerk that will prevent you from leaving the house, or a hitter. Get away from this moron. You only live once so don't waste your time on someone that isn't there for you. I feel so bad for people in this kind of relationship. My ex did that stuff to me so I divorced him. I have never been so happy in my life as I am now. The kids don't want to watch you fight and carry on all the time. The kids also didn't marry, you did. Be their mother and don't worry about the divorce. They will adapt.
2007-07-17 09:53:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
That whole "two wrongs don't make a right" saying is there for a reason. Your husband has been disloyal, which is the worst kind of thing you can do to your spouse. By going behind his back, you're also being disloyal. He's still your husband for now, so you should be upfront about the whole thing. Tell him you're still unhappy and unable to get past his lies and adultery. Let him know you're going to be looking for another place to live. If you share finances, it would be wrong to save up money without him knowing.
2007-07-12 21:03:32 · answer #7 · answered by elizabeth_ashley44 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Doing what for the kids...think about it. You save and do what you have to do. I'm assuming that he isn't willing to make things right for you?? Or maybe you are too afraid?? Have the two of you considered councelling first, only if you think there is hope. If he seems remorsful and swears he was wrong and would never repeat the act, would I consider the counselling. (that's what dr. Phil said on his show) If he shows those two things, then it's possible he truly won't want to hurt you again.
2007-07-12 17:43:56 · answer #8 · answered by sorri 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry that you have to deal with this. If he cheated, you have reason to leave. Your interest now should be what's best for your kids. If that means saving money, looking for a place, etc., without him knowing, that's what you need to do. He's sure to find out eventually, right?
Take care of your kids, then take care of yourself. In that order. He's not doing either and you have no obligation to him. But, of course, the kids are a different story.
This is so sad. Good luck to you. I'll pray for you and your family.
2007-07-12 17:40:42 · answer #9 · answered by JustAskin 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You are doing what you have to and that's OK. The kids don't need to hear it and you don't need the aggravation. However, when the time comes he also needs to step up and help support the kids. Don't make it easy for him to shirk his responsibility.
Maybe you should contact your previous counselor for guidance thru the separation process. If he is a cheater you should be a step ahead of him with an Attorney too. It can be a shock to find out his "cheating" personality spills over into other parts of life, namely the divorce court.
2007-07-19 10:14:59 · answer #10 · answered by R M 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To the HELL naw. Do what you gotta do. If you tell him he might not let you leave or keep you from takin the kids. Ask me how I know? I did it. When I finally found a place every morning after he left for work i was packing things he wounldn't notice gone and took them to my new place. It took me a week to move that last day I moved the big stuff and was gone when he got in from work POOF! We was gone he didn't know wher I was for over a month he knew we were ok and but not where I was. You might want to consider another town at least a 45min. drive. much luv!
2007-07-12 17:41:20 · answer #11 · answered by alicxvia 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋