How do you end a 18 year relationship?

Question

I have been with my boyfriend for 18 years and we have one daughter; 16 years old. He wanted to get married and I didn't because he is very jealous and would feel as if he owned me. I have been through hell and back several times with him; cheating, partying, drinking, and never home. I forgave him every time. And now the last two years he has been good. The problem is I'm no longer 'in love' with him. I haven't been for the last three years. I think I have been staying for our daughter. I have never cheated on him. I work nights and I'm always being accused of cheating on him. I'm worn down. I don't want to hurt anyone. Every time I get up the nerve he makes me feel bad and guilty; because of my daughter. I need personal advice, not professional.

Answer 1

He's constantly accusing you of cheating, so it's likely he's the one that's cheating. (or is convinced you will because of his past transgressions)

He uses your child to guilt you into staying because he knows he doesn't have any valid reasons for you to stay.

Look, you're miserable, it's time to get out. Your daughter is sixteen, and is old enough to understand your situation. She may even be aware of it already. You have to recognize the tactics he's using at the time. Don't let him make you feel bad when he's the reason you're already miserable. When you do tell him, don't start bringing up all the past. Just tell him you need to move on with your life without him. Don't get into the old arguments all over again. Because if you do, he'll pull whatever he did last time to make you forgive him and stay. JUST GET OUT.

good luck.

Answer 2

Is your paycheck sufficient to care for you and your daughter without him? Do you have enough money to hire an attorney to file a palimony and child custody and support case for you? Do you have the time, the money and the where with all to find a new place of residence for you and your daughter? If you answer yes to two out of the three questions what are you waiting for. You should not feel bad or guilty and you certainly do not have to put up with him accusing you of doing the things he did to cause you pain. To get even with him show him the rest of your life is going to be way better than if you had stayed with him and that you didn't have to strip your integrity for the reason to leave.
If I was your IRL friend I'd ask you if there is anything I can do to help? When you have all your ducks in a row my truck is at your disposal and I know three guys to help move the heavy stuff. Should I start collecting those nice heavy double boxes from the produce market?
Good luck to you and your daughter.

Answer 3

I bet in the eyes of the law you are married. You may have to get a divorce since you've been together so long. How do you leave after 18 years?, you pick up and leave. I've started out so many times with nothing. As bad as it is, it's not as bad as staying in a relationship that is over. Your daughter is old enough to talk to and understand. It will probably get ugly and you'll lose a lot of material things. But trust me, you'll get it back eventually. Tell him you don't want to fight, you want to stay civil for your daughters sake, but it's over. There hasn't been anything there for a long time. Good luck, I hope you have family or friends you can lean on for a little while.

Answer 4

My advice is to give it a real try if he has cleaned up his act. Maybe you finally have the guy you always wanted. Or maybe deep down you liked the drama and the "bad boy" image.

If you really really don't love him, or he has not changed,you must leave. Guilt or no guilt. You know the truth. If you are not happy than you are only making your daughter unhappy even if you don't see it.

I guess the question I would have to ask myself is, If I ever really forgave him. Taking a person back is not forgiveness. Harboring resentment is not forgiveness. Maybe you really never forgave and really don't want to. If you want to leave, LEAVE, staying for the kids only hurts them more.

Answer 5

First of all stand up for yourself... There comes a time in a woman's life where happiness is a must. We are not getting any younger! As a woman approaches the 40-50 year mark, things change. It's time to do what makes us happy... time to put ourselves first, regardless of what our family says or the guilt they try to lay on us. If you're anything like me... I have done so much for everyone else in my lifetime that I feel it's my turn now. Time to enjoy the things I love to do. Time to stop and smell the roses! Don't let this man wear you down, that's what they try to do... try to take your self worth away. Stay strong for your Daughter. Teach her that it's not right for men to do this to women... show her how to stand up for herself. You will be her best teacher.

Answer 6

It's always not easy to end a relationship, don't say it's a 18 years relationship with one daughter.

But if you choose not to hurt anyone now, when you be ended hurting each other even more for the next 18 years? or 36 years?

You still have long way to go, why waste another 18 years?

Answer 7

For some human beings there is what I call a ingredient to no return...this is an outline which ability as quickly as that element is crossed, there is not any going back; issues have replaced continuously. The question for me is this: in case you rather felt like he became into being common in desirous to repair what's now in jeopardy, as antagonistic to being too prideful to desire to lose you after having taking you with none attention for see you later, could you be waiting to "recover from" your desire to chop up and rather attempt to make issues stunning? Your stubbornness seems tied to his cavalier physique of concepts approximately what you needed, which i think of is honestly warranted. merely determine you're stunning, and not throwing away a gamble to have something particular.

Answer 8

There is no easy way to end it. But clearly you aren't happy and you are a bigger person for sticking by him through all that bull **** (I wouldn't have been as forgiving as you.)
Your daughter will understand completely just let her know that you love her and that nothing is her fault.
She is old enough now, that it is time to make yourself happy. Move on and enjoy your life, I guarantee that it is going to be less stressful and full of new and exciting challenges. (and who knows maybe true love)
Don't let him talk you out of it. It's your time now :)

Answer 9

Well maybe u can bring tis matter to your daughter n see what she suggest.So have u both regist b 4 u give birth to your daughter.lf haven't u can kick off anytime that u want.One thing l didn't understand is.How come u can get over 18 years with a guy that u didn't love.Can u answer me?

Answer 10

You have done your time. This sounds like it was jail! You deserve better, you really do... I was in a relationship similar to this one, stayed for 6 years, and if I had not left when I did, I would not be engaged to the most awesome person I ever met in my life! You said "I dont want to hurt anyone." YOU ARE>>>> and it's you!! Please make quiet preparations to leave.