What can we do? Noncustodial parent taking things away from child.?

Question

We just gained custody of my husband child this year. This is the first year that she has had to go visit with her mother. The judge ordered a permanent injuction preventing her from taking off with her and coming between communication.

She had to go with her mother for vacation this year and we had gotten a cellphone for her. Her Mother took it and we have no way of reaching her for 2 weeks so far. We have tried calling directly to the house but they have caller ID and I always seem to get voicemail. His daughter called from the grandmothers today while her mom wasnt there asking if we had been trying to call because she hasnt heard anything from us in awhile and to tell us her mom took her phone.

I am not sure what we can do but any help would be GREATLY APPRECIATED!

she is to be gone for total 60 days. We have had this problem in the past. She has approx 4 weeks left.

Answer 1

Report the phone stolen... the phone isn't hers and if she doesn't want the child to have the phone she should give it back no questions asked!!!!Make sure she isn't running up the bill too!!!!!!

Answer 2

If you have an attorney, please consult with them. The phone is YOUR property, not hers. If you don't have an attorney, request a hearing about this. I strongly suggest you get an attorney if you don't have one. Since you cannot reach the child on the cell phone, maybe you could set something up with the cell phone company that would only allow in coming calls on that phone or you could temporarily turn it off. There is the concern though of the daughter eventually having access to use it and can't. I used to work for a Family Law firm and have seen these types of things happen a lot in custody battles. The mother is using her own child and your cell phone to punish you. It's best to have someone fighting for you and an attorney will get results and knows how to use the legal system to your advantage. If the mom only has visitation, I wouldn't think she is mature enough to follow the rules. If she doesn't give you reasonable access to the child, she may be violating a court order. Seek legal help ASAP!

Answer 3

I am not sure how old your child is but why not send her a gift of a calling card. Let's say a teddy bear with a "secret compartment" or anything that would not be obvious. Then when your daughter calls again, I would mention to her about the card and how to use it. They even have a 1-800 number on them to get assistance with dialing a number. I know lawyers are expensive, but you have out out smart those that think they are smarter then you. What about "hiding" your number before you call the house. I know for Comcast you can dial *67 listen for the three beeps and then dial the number. That way your number will not show up on the caller id. Or work out some secret calling code. Like ring twice then hang up, then call again. That way if she is around, she will know that you are trying to reach her. When she does here it hopefully she can get to the phone. If not, then tell her it's your way of saying that you love her. Does she have an email? These are just some ideas. :0) Hope this helps.

Answer 4

I can just imagine how frustrating this must be. It won't be easy to solve in all likelihood but I'd do a couple of things:

1) I'd call the mom using *67 before her number to see if she'll answer. Using *67 blocks your number from her Caller ID. Tell her that the phone is to remain with the daughter at all times. At the same time tell the daughter she's NOT to use the phone except to call family. Set a prearranged time for a call each day and make sure her mom understands and will abide by the agreement.

If that doesn't work, you could call her attorney and seek their help. Tell them you don't want to go back to court but you will if you have to to stay in touch with the daughter.

Answer 5

she might not have custody but she is still her mother and should be involved in those kind of decisions..i don't know her and i don't know how trust worthy she is or why she doesn't even have some custody but still. maybe her mom was just mad that it wasn't discussed and took it away from her for those reasons..i would have your husband try talking to his ex and see if they can agree on a time daily that she can call you guys to make sure she is ok and having a good time..i can see its frustrating and i hope you figure it out..and it is sad that everything has to be fought between a judge and that people can't figure things out reasonable, but thats the world we live in..someone has to have a level head and take the high road and be the adult! good luck

Answer 6

Being a step-mother is hard as you can love and care for your step-child like they are your own. However, they are not yours. And it would appear this is the message the natural mother is sending you.
Your husband needs to make the calls and talk with his daughters mother about why his daughter has not rung him from her cell phone that he gave her. He needs to NOT refer to the daughters phone call from her grandmothers as this may only cause trouble for his daughter with her mother.
Unfortunately you will have to remain in the background when your step-daughter visits her mother.
Hope all works out in the best interests for all of you.

Answer 7

If he didn't take up his visitation rights when they were freely offered, it does not give him the right to "bundle" all the missed visitations and make an extended period of visitation with a child who hardly knows him. That would not be healthy for the child, nor would not seeing its mother for 6 months at this age. He does not have any say in how the child support is spent, as long as your child is being properly cared for. You need to get a lawyer to find out what is necessary to protect your child. You should have been making notes of all the efforts you have made to allow him to remain in contact with the child, to have the child know its grandparents (would they testify for you?), your phone records, and of all/any visitation he has chosen not to take up.

Answer 8

While the child is with her mother, you must leave the situation alone about the telephone. Aparently the mother is doing this to be hateful. Let it end with you. Do not react to the telephone situation. In time she will stop doing hateful things if they have no effect.

It probably won't happen but, if an emergency occurs, call the ex wife.

Do your best to get along with her for the child's sake. This child will suffer greatly if her parent's can't get along.

My ex husband, his wife, my husband and I are actually friends for the sake of our children and grandchildren. It isn't that hard to be nice to them for the sake of the family.

Answer 9

As long as the visits are within the court order and your daughter is fine, you can do nothing.

Let the mother, be her mother when she is there.

You do need to make an agreement with the mother to at least have her call once a week to check in with you guys.

But when she's with her mother, her mother's rules apply.

I know it's hard, but you have to abide by them, just as the mother has to abide by yours.
Take care

Answer 10

Not sure the age of the child, but if she is old enough.... File a show cause (or similar) with your court explaining that the mother is coming between communication using the daughters testimony / statement as proof.

Answer 11

I agree with others - I'd report it to the police. There's no excuse for the child to be cut off from contacting you. This isn't a matter of being "nice" - isolating a child from a parent is a form of emotional abuse.