i separated from my husband, because our life at the time was unbearable! i thought it was over but, we have started trying to work things out! he told me that he had been sleeping with this girl while we were separated! it makes me sick! i can't seem to get it out of my head! i blame myself for the action, but he chose the nasty chick! how do i get past this?past her?
2007-07-12 15:22:18 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would definitely get some counseling, be it from a psychologist or pastor. Tell him how much it hurt you. Let your feelings out all at once. Then, try to move on. Distract yourself if you begin to think about it again.
2007-07-12 15:26:40 · answer #1 · answered by Surf Forever 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it is something that you are going to have to figure out on your own. you must remember that the 2 of you were separated at the time and each of you were free to do as you wished. Now I would define nasty though....because if she is really nasty, then hubby needs to wear a condom, or if you are calling her nasty just to be mean, well he still needs to wear a condom, because there is not telling who or what she has been with b4 your husband. But if there is a good this about this it is probably the fact that he was just looking for a piece of a*s, and not a some long term relationship. so all she was to him was just a place to lay his hose and that was it....I take she must be pretty easy and her reputations preceedes her. I would not worry about it.....but definantly wear a condom.
2007-07-12 16:20:00 · answer #2 · answered by mrs_endless 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Jean,
Obviously you are married to an idiot. Your vows were still in force and no divorce was granted. Your husband was still your husband, whether living together, or not. He has broken his vows. So the question is, do you want to be married to an adulterer? I don't see why you should blame yourself for his actions. Is he a puppet? No. Does he think? Yes. Was he able to consider how you would feel if he slept with this woman? MOST CERTAINLY... and then he told you about it to punish you. Are you sure you want to 'work it out' with him? Talk with a counselor and find out if you have the true ability to forgive and move on. If you do not, don't waste time blaming yourself.
In my experience, once a man cheats, it is easier and easier for him to repeat. Do you want to live with the very good possibility that HE WILL DO THIS AGAIN?
Good luck, Dear. You don't have yourself to blame here. Hugs!!!
2007-07-12 15:33:12 · answer #3 · answered by Peanut 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well...you were separated and you also had the option of other relationships...Nasty is in the eye of the beholder and remember that guys are different about sex than girls are.
As for blaming yourself, STOP NOW. Yes, you were separated, but it's his dick and he has control of it. He was also somewhat justified in where he decided to put it if you were separated.
To get past it, spend some time thinking about how differently men and women think of sex. If she's really nasty, he may have just been looking for a physical release - that's a good thing for you, it means he wasn't looking for emotional content because you are so important to him.
Then there's the whole STD issue...
2007-07-12 15:28:45 · answer #4 · answered by heart o' gold 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
do you need a swift kick in the head? you're not responsible for his actions while you two were separated. Did you tell him while you two was apart that he still can have sex with you? It was his choice to sleep with her and it don't have nothing to do with you. Unless that is the part of the reason for the separation. Just take your lost and move on, ok. If it that unbearable to be married to him why try to work it out. Just go and get on with your life. Life is too dang short to put up with a bunch of bull crap!!! Be happy!!
2007-07-12 15:49:33 · answer #5 · answered by Thomas 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Blaming yourself!! Are you crazy? Why is it your fault?
He chose to do this,not you.I guess his willpower is not very strong.
Get it our of your head that it's your fault and blame the guilty party.YOUR HUSBAND!!
You can't call this person a "nasty" chick.You don't even know her.Your husband likely used her and told her lots of lies,including about you.He CHEATED on you.
You'll never get this to work if you can't get this out of your head because everytime something comes up that you don't like,you'll be throwing this at him.
If you want it to work,you have to put it all aside.
Good Luck to you my dear.
2007-07-12 15:32:40 · answer #6 · answered by sonnyboy 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You don' need to forgive yourself for anything.
Being separated means that you still need to respect each other as husband and wife and if he had sex with someone else, he cheated on you and committed adultery. Trying to work things out doesn't mean you have to continue being married, it may be best for you two to get a divorce, especially if you are going to hold on to this.
2007-07-12 16:09:53 · answer #7 · answered by mahdiya 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't understand why you are feeling guilty...You didn't MAKE him do this dumb thing...He did it for whatever reason(s) he thought were OK.
I think that making you feel like it's your fault he screwed someone else is not only stupid, but also selfish and immature. I'm sure no one put a gun to his head- or to hers, either.
Sounds like you are very hurt about this behaviour of his- and maybe time and therapy could help you overcome it....But I wouldn't count on it. Maybe you should consider going ahead with the divorce and moving on without him. Good luck.
2007-07-12 16:12:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
when you chose to get back with your husband and work things out you also chose to deal with what he did when you were seperated this means unfortunatley that you have to forget about it and forgive him, the only thing you really can do is reminfd yourself that you are together now and you have to put it out of your mind. and forgive yourself, this nasty girl was probably the trigger to make your husband want to work things out with you and be a better husband, i know it is hard but try to think of it that way.
2007-07-12 17:00:11 · answer #9 · answered by Paula O 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
has he shown remorse for what he did? does he acknowledge what he did hurt u terribly? has he stopped seeing her now? if he has get some counseling, and try to focus on your marriage, instead of the home wrecker. he made some bad choices, depends on what his actions are now. your ego is hurt, whose wouldn't be, but if u love him and he is remorseful give hi another chance, and get some christian counseling. if u thought the marriage was over than he probably did too, he made the wrong choice, but if u love the man forgive him and stop thinking about the other woman, if she is in his past.
2007-07-12 15:49:41 · answer #10 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋