Is it wrong to give up on a 10 year relationship with no progress?

Question

I have been in a relationship for 10 years. We stopped living together for 1 year because of he says his mom needs need him (bedridden but drinks). All we do is talk on the phone everyday and no intimacy but probably once a month.He don't want to marry and we don't have any kids together. But I still care for him. My love is fading. I have been seeing someone else secretly because of respect for him. What should I do?

Answer 1

Time to move on. You are looking for something he can not, will not, or is not providing. Normally I'd say give it a chance, but 10 years! WOW, you were very loyal for a very long time. I suspect he has taken you for granted because you stood by him for so long.
That said, if you are seeing someone else you need to leave him now. No matter how much this has hurt you, you don't want to hurt him back needlessly. I imagine you are a much better person then to continue carrying on behind his back.
He doesn't want a girlfriend, he sonds like he needs a mommy.
Good luck :-) And I hope you find your happiness.

Answer 2

OK, with all this talking you two been doing over the phone, have you address your relationship, serious? If you still care for him there maybe a chance your love still alive. Now, for the marry issue that you stated. Is his reason for not to get marry because of his mother condition or just how he feel about marriage? It sound like you want to get married and one day to have kids but he don't share the same ideal of a future life with you. So your best move now is to kiss him and said good bye. You can still care about him as much as you want too, but, you must full fill what you want in your life as well. If you don't there will be alot of regrets on your part and only one person is to blame.........is yourself (for not moving on when you should) and not him. There shouldn't be any secretly seeing someone because it might back fire on you. He might take it that you have been doing this for some time (seeing someone on the side). Tell him just how you about your relationship and if he doesn't seem to care about it. Then its time for you to let the sun goes down on your relationship. Also, remember this one thing..you gave your best. good luck

Answer 3

Communication is the key to a lasting relationship, it would be hard to give up a ten year relationship just like that, i mean, i can understand your questioning it, especially if he doesn't want to get married or have kids...the best thing is to talk to him about this, get it all out in the open, tell him how your feeling and ask what he thinks about the situation, you don't want to waste half your life waiting around for someone who isnt' going to even be there ....so talk it out and find out if he feels the same way so yall can move on or find out if theres a way to get back together and make this work, but you both need to talk and see what the other is thinking...best of luck to you.

Answer 4

The fact you are already seeing someone else is the surest sign that this relationship is over, honey.

I guess that ending it after 10 years will be hard to do, but somehow I feel he won't be totally surprised about this, either.

Who knows...? Maybe he will actually feel relieved that you have found someone else, since he doesn't want to get married- and perhaps even feels bad that he has made you "waste" time.

Tell him upfront, out of respect - and be honest. The sooner you set yourself free, the better you will all feel . Good luck!

Answer 5

This can't really be sourced so here is my own opinion I hope it helps.

Perhaps you were right for each other at one time but times change and you are human after all. Obviously you care other wise you would not be worried. But remember you can not sell out your own needs/desires for the sake of saving face or being a "good person".

In all fairness for the both of you, if its not meant to be then you should discuss it with him, and be open to all solutions. At least then you are not coming back years later with the same situation.

Good Luck to you and yours

Answer 6

Yeah I think it is time to move on it sounds like it is going nowhere. I know you can still care for him and it will be a hard pill to swallow, but you have to break free of him and since you are already seeing someone it should be easier. You need to think of yourself and your hapiness first and make that move since there are no kids or other strings attatched I would do it as soon as you can!
Good Luck to you!

Answer 7

Ok you have already lost a decade of your life. If you want to be asking the same question in another decade, then stick around. What motivation does he have to give you any more than the bare minimum in a relationship? You obviously don't think you are worth more.

Answer 8

Sounds like U have made Ur choice...U can be kind and caring about the 10 year old relationship, but U haven't been his priority for ever....It is a long time to be with one person, but too long w/o real caring and possibly LoVe...
Think about it...Really think about It!

Answer 9

How can you respect someone and be seeing someone else? If you don't love him and there is no hope to fix it move on. You have to tell him about your affair either way as that is yet another roadblock you have put into your path. Don't wait too long though, as someone is bound to see you and tell him first. Then it could be worse.

Answer 10

I can appreciate a man who takes care of his responsibilities but honey, not at the expense of his romatic relationship with you. It's over - you know it deep down inside. It's time to move on. We only get so many years to live our lives - don't waste it on someone who doesn't appreciate you enough to make it work. Best of luck to you!