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i got married a year and a half ago in vegas. I was working and my wife as well. She later had to quit her job to finish her masters program. After getting married in vegas spontaneously, i knew i wanted to give her more than what i gave her in vegas. She wanted to get rings and have a wedding down the road. I agreed and promised i would try and make it happen. Well it hasnt...and its a year later. I got into real estate, she had to quit her job and i said i would take care of her. Since then money has been hard and i had to get a job to cover bills. She hasnt worked but she just got hired. I wanted to get her a ring, but she had a savings and was able to financially get it before i could do it on my own. I knew it was wrong, but i knew she needed to have a ring...at least. Through this struggle these last 6 months, she has built resentment due to my lack of action and following through with my promises. I love her so much, but she wants to divorce me, i want to fix it!

2007-07-12 14:29:50 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

19 answers

If she wants a divorce it's to late there is nothing you can do that will change her mind other then you becoming a millionaire. Sorry but it sounds like that's the main reason she wants out. You definitely married a woman who wants nice things and doesn't want to wait to get them. I bet as a child she got everything she ever wanted or she had nothing at all and if so that would explain a lot. In her mind when you love someone you'll do everything in your power to make her happy and happiness to her is having nice things. I know it's hard to see the bad side of her because of your feelings but in time you will look back and say to yourself,man i must of been out of my mind to think i could make someone like her happy.

2007-07-12 15:28:07 · answer #1 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0 0

First, she quit her job to get her masters and so should expect money to be rough. there are rings for as little as 20 bucks and they're pretty, so it isn't a ring that's the problem, its an expensive ring.

I'm not sure what you meant by i had to get a job. Do you mean a 2nd job because if so this lifestyle is a bit unfair. if you agreed to get her through her masters then she needs to agree to be poor and work part time.

If by action you mean a fancy wedding then she really has issues. You're working, she isn't and she wants to know where the money is!!

You made a promise with good intentions but can't keep it due to money issues that you didn't forsee. I'm sure you were dreaming a bit too. You didn't lie to her. Life is just way hard and maybe harder than you expected.

Divorce? I don't know but marriage counseling is definitely a must. If she won't go, go without her.

Who is taking care of you? The job is first and foremost yours and it begins by surrounding yourself with people who love you.

2007-07-12 21:46:13 · answer #2 · answered by Dawnmarie K 3 · 0 0

The question here really isn't whether YOU should "make it work"....the question is, can the TWO of you make it work?

BOTH of you got married on impulse. She was in on this decision; I didn't hear you say anything about how she INSISTED that the two of you wait until you had saved up some money or until you could plan a nice wedding, and how you FORCED her to the altar without a ring.

So...she knew what this was going in. Then SHE quits working so she can get her Master's (a good thing, of course) but while she's doing that she KNOWS she's putting all the pressure financially on you. So you're working your a** off for HER.

Next she "HAD" to quit her job?????? Why? And even if it was for a good reason, again she leaves YOU holding the proverbial (financial) bag for her benefit.....

When she FINALLY gets a job again, what does she do with her money? Does she do what you have been doing for the last year and a half? Does she put every dollar into the household for your MUTUAL benefit? No, of course not. She runs out and stuffs her money into HER savings, then buys herself a ring with all that EXTRA money she now has ONLY BECAUSE YOU HAVE BEEN SUPPORTING THE BOTH OF YOU FOR ALL THIS TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wish I could think of a more powerful word than "selfish" but I can't. What she is doing is INEXCUSABLE. She's going to start resenting YOU for supporting her through her Master's program and while she's playing musical jobs and stuffing HER money into savings????? She's going to resent YOU for doing all that for her.....just because she "NEEDED" to have a ring??????????

B***S***

Let me tell you something, honey. YOU have done nothing but be active this entire time. YOU have been working, not her. YOU have been supporting miss "Oh gosh, if I don't get a big fat ring I'll just die!!!" and now she wants to dump you???

The truth is, she got what she wanted out of you. She married you quickly, got you to support her through school, and now she's finished. She wants to spend the rest of her life with that ring, buddy, not you. THAT is why SHE went out and made getting that ring a priority, not taking you away for a vacation to thank you for getting her through all that. Not being grateful and saving her money for a nice home for the two of you......she did all this for herself.

I say, good riddance to bad rubbish, but I'd also have someone prove in court that she only married you to get through school and now that she's done she should reimburse you for the money you spent supporting her lazy, ring-loving a**.

Hope you find a woman who will REALLY love a nice, hard-working guy like you, hon. God bless ya.

2007-07-12 21:45:50 · answer #3 · answered by lady_phoenix39 6 · 0 0

I know how she feels cause i have been there three different times with men that make broken promises and do not know how to be a man and take responsibilities. It is a sense of insecurity for the woman when she sees the man that shes with is not able to take care of her. i am not beating up on you i am just simply telling you how ne to assume the male position in the relationship because as you said she had to pay for her wedding rings. A man does not take from a woman he gives to a woman. She feels like she is the provider in the relationship. Besides that it is not romantic or exciting to have to go out and buy your ring instead of being surprised with one. The only way is assuming your place as the man and provider and proving to her that you can take care of her. If you love her than it would do what ever it took to make this relationshp work. even if you had to beg or tell her that you are going to start taking care of the payments to that ring and assuming your position to prove to her that you do love and are willing to do what it takes. I wish you the best and atleast your not giving up without a fight like most men now adays so i commend you for that. Lots of luck. Prove it to her by action like i told you .

2007-07-12 22:03:06 · answer #4 · answered by Linda N 1 · 0 0

i am reminded of the saying que sera sera and i think it fits here. true whatever will be will be and if she really had love foryou, she would be there with you in the good times as well as the bad instead of trying to divorce you because you couldn't buy a ring. she should be greatful that you even have a job and that you are at least trying to make it work. a marriage is a union of two people who will there after work as one. the ring is just an outward symbol of your commitment to each other. she has to understand that both of you have to work together in order for this to work.
good luck!

2007-07-12 21:47:34 · answer #5 · answered by malaika 2 · 0 0

Keep your promises. SHOW her how much you love her. It's about more than money and time here. Things are not always going to be easy. But I can assure you, she is probably feeling like you are not that committed to her and this marriage. She's giving you a wake up call.

2007-07-12 21:49:02 · answer #6 · answered by buggin 2 · 0 0

Divorce is the big Lie. People think that ,well when I get a divorce I will be happy then. WRONG!!!. Listen I know in some situations divorce is necessary. Do what it takes to work it out. As a man you should put here first.

2007-07-12 21:40:55 · answer #7 · answered by 5150 1 · 0 1

I feel there is more serious issues here than have been shared, but still issues that can be reconciled....with what you have discribed , in time, these issues could be straightened out...I think your wife feels that wouldn't happen.....and she isn't liking the employment situation either....I don't see any reason to divorce but thats not my call....talk with her but be prepared to put your money were your mouth is.

2007-07-12 21:41:14 · answer #8 · answered by Goodspeed 6 · 0 0

she is resentful because of a ring? thats really sad, you two are married and when the time is right you can get remarried and purchase the ring as well. marriage is not about material matters. i wouldnt care about a ring if i had someone who loves me and wants to better himself in life.

2007-07-12 21:44:34 · answer #9 · answered by not this way 5 · 0 1

WHEN YOU GUYS MARRIED YOU KNOW ITS THRU GOOD TIMES AND BAD TIMES THOSE ARE THE MEMORIES THAT YOU BUILD TOGETHER AND YOU GET THRU THEM TO LOOK BACK AND REMEMBER THATS WHAT MAKES YOU STRONGER AS A COUPLE. SHE HAS TO REMEMBER THAT IT TAKES TIME TO GET MATERIAL THINGS IN LIFE , YES YOU PROMISED HER THOSE MATERIAL THINGS AND ONE DAY SHE WILL GET THEM BUT IF SHE CANT WAIT AND SHE IS THE ONE WANTING TO LEAVE THEN SHE WAS THE WRONG WOMAN FOR YOU. GOOD LUCK TO YOU.

2007-07-12 22:45:09 · answer #10 · answered by stacy 1 · 0 0

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