I have been married for a year and a half. We got married quickly in Vegas. Soon, things started going downhill. Since I had a savings, I had to use a lot of it for furniture and apt. deposits. I also bought my own ring and his as well. He made all these promises to me that we would go on a honeymoon and we would have a party. After about 7 months of being married I had to quit my job so I could do my internship for school. He was aware of this, and then quit his job because he thought he could make more money doing real estate. He made nothing and we ran out of money. Now that i've graduated, he got a job that is just enough to pay our bills. We haven't been able to go anywhere or do anything due to his poor choices. He hasn't been really supportive. I got a job that pays more than his and I feel a lot of resentment because now we can do more from my salary. I feel like I have had to be the responsible one. I feel like he hasn't reciprocated much effort. I have no feelings for him.
2007-07-12 12:38:16 · 20 answers · asked by Strawberry shortcake 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The last sentence says it all.
If you have no feelings for him, why stay with him? Get a divorce and find someone better for you.
2007-07-12 12:43:44 · answer #1 · answered by Tina 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart, marriage is a two way street. I stumbled around in my own marriage for almost two years. If you're not happy, and he can't/ won't give you what you need or want, take a break. If you have a joint bank account split the money into your seperate accounts. Figure out how much of each bill each of you can pay, almost like a room mate situation. It helps with the financial part. It should also help him realize how much you bring in. When I did this I was able to have more money for myself. Yes, I spent money on the bills, furniture, household stuff, etc, but still I didn't feel like I was giving up everything for him.
If he can't support you emotionally, physically, or by monitary means he needs to change. A marriage is about compromise. If both of you feel like you're giving up too much of yourselves than there is way too much to compromise on. You are two totally different people.
Not having feelings for him is something you have to explore to every extent within yourself. Is it just that your resentment out weighs the love and friendship? There comes a point sometimes where you step back from a marriage and look with new eyes. If you can't even see a strong friendship still there then it's time to cut ties.
If you know you will be better off on your own you have to hold on to that thought when things get hard. In the end you're what's important. You can't live your life in misery. So take a good long look, take a week or two break if you can. If after that week or two you can look at him or just think about him and he makes you smile then stay. If you still dread going back into the relationship then make arrangments and live for yourself.
good luck.
2007-07-12 13:07:01 · answer #2 · answered by Tara 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you 2 didn't know each other well enough to make an informed decision to marry. And it seems you are savvy enough to be responsible. But your last statement says it all. If you truly have no loving feelings for him and you have felt that way for awhile (not just this moment when you asked the question), then you definately should get a divorce. I say that because without love, even marriage counseling won't help you 2 to work it out. There are many qualities that could make a relationship work, but love is the necessary one. Get out as soon as you can, waiting just makes it more painful in the end. I have been where you are now and I wish I had not married him and wasted years of my life and lots of money. And when you meet the next man, be sure to really get to know him, especially how he handles his money and his jobs. If those are important issues to you, you owe it to yourself to learn about that part of his life, before you get too involved.
2007-07-12 13:14:33 · answer #3 · answered by Trilliah 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce is a big decision. Are you spiritual? Nobody on this website can help you make this choice you need to go away from the situation and do some serious soul searching. Have you told your spouse how you feel? Have you went to counseling and tried to make it work? I have been married many years and there were times that I just wanted to kill the man! I talked to supportive friends that reminded me why I married the man in the first place. If you can find a mentor to speak with they might be able to help you with out judging you. Please do not take advice from a bunch of people with absolutely no degree in marriage counseling! Please seek help to see if you can save this marriage or go down the difficult road of divorce.
2007-07-12 12:53:26 · answer #4 · answered by Lilabug 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you had no feelings for him then why'd u marry him?
This man is very much an imature. If he can't run his life the way he really could...then theres no way he could run a marriage nor a relatioinship. This man is relying on you and is using u as bac up money. He made u buy your ring and hasn't been very supportive?
Sounds like hes a real man..not! Divorce him. You already kno that you deserve better than this man. All he is..is a man that can't run his life..nor can he run a marraige. Divorce him immediately u deserve him no longer!
2007-07-12 12:44:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl, it sounds as if you are a meal ticket for him. I would say since you have no feelings for him, you have no children with him and I assume you are fairly young, cut it clean and move on down the road. The fact you have to ask for advice on this site is a sign you know the answer, you just want someone to validate it for you...be strong, cause when you tell him hit the road, he will promise you the moon again, may last for ohhhhh 2 months maybe...be strong be firm...good luck sweetie there is someone out there for you that will work with you in the relationship and for the future...not suck it out of you.
2007-07-12 12:45:14 · answer #6 · answered by Ozark Woman 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Short and sweet, you say you have no feelings for him, is it because you do not, or is it resentment, would try a trial separation for a month or so first to see if in fact the love is gone on either side, or if you just need a cooling off period. Best of luck which ever way you decide.
2007-07-12 12:43:34 · answer #7 · answered by Pengy 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately he sounds like a dead beat. I know that sucks and I'm sorry. I can't tell you that you should get a divorce, I would try to work it out first through marriage counseling. What I can tell you is, you do not deserve to be unhappy nor struggle financially for the rest of your life because of someone else's iniquities. If he isn't willing to shape up, then you deserve better. Good luck!
2007-07-12 12:43:19 · answer #8 · answered by Tina W 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You answered your own question when you said you had no feelings for him. It doesn't sound like there is anything left of your marraige, if this is true, you should get a divorce. We all resent our partners sometimes, but this sounds like an ongoing thing that isn't going away until you do.
2007-07-12 12:44:09 · answer #9 · answered by Jayne Savage 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All studies show it takes at least 3 years to learn to be married. Do not give up so soon. Have you talked to him, would he go to counseling? Try all your options before divorce. You are still a newlywed, you do not want to regret being divorced later in life. Although this is a tough situation you do not want to be somone who gives up when things are tough.
2007-07-12 12:42:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take all of YOUR extra money and put it in savings to replenish what you spent on the house furniture, rings etc. When you have paid your self back, then move out and leave him holding his balls wondering what to do now that you are not supporting him.
2007-07-12 12:46:10 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋