2 yrs ago my husband and I, we had it good he layed brick for a living. I didnt have to work.Paid our bills. Now since he says he has vertigo all the time he can't drive. He drives everywhere else just too sick to drive to a job.We saw many doctors- couldnt explain it. So I worked while he thought and thought and thought. Then he opened a automotive business and still doesnt make enough to pay bills. Now I have a judgement against me- he ran up credit cards too. I sought a bankruptcy attorney and he said we could file. I just don't even have the money for that much less bills, groceries, things kids need, etc................, I dont understand why he wont do something more. anything to make money. I am going to have to get 2 jobs. The last one i had was killing me. I feel very angry with my husband. I feel he should help me more. I dont think most of the bills should fall in my lap. I am afraid i will become bitter and angry. He used to be a workaholic- Any advice?
2007-07-12 12:15:33 · 8 answers · asked by springreed 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he's not depressed, he don't even worry about the bills. I'm depressed. He has a nonchalant attitude.
2007-07-12 12:22:55 · update #1
i'm bitter becuase i have to get 2 jobs and pay for the bankruptcy which he helped create. credit debt which led to a judgment being on me not him. 1 job no big deal- i had 1 job when this happened.
2007-07-12 12:32:56 · update #2
He's probably feeling guilty that there are all of these bills heaping up and up and he can't see any way out, and like he let you and his family down.
Advice? If you want to keep your marriage intact, you need to sit down and tell him how you feel without letting it turn into an argument or a name-calling nagfest. Laying it all at his doorstep--whether it's all his fault or not--won't get you AS A COUPLE anywhere. Remember, this is a marriage of two people. You both have to work at it. Even if HE ran up the cards, and HE sat around and didn't bring in any money, it's still both of your problem.
If he won't make the first move, you make it. Tell him you want to make things work, that you want to support him, but you need help from him, too. When he says, 'I'm doing all I can!', say 'I know you're doing (insert everything he's done to help, including work, household chores, running kids around, etc. Don't be stingy! Include refilling the toilet paper roll if he did.).' Then say 'But I work hard, too, doing (insert your share). And it still isn't enough. WE have to do more. Do you have any ideas?' Don't shoot them down right away, even if they sound stupid.
Yeah, it sounds a little like you're stroking his ego when you're angry, and who wants to do that? But right now, if he's feeling like a failure, and you remind him that you still love him, support him, and want to work WITH him to fix things, he'll feel better, and will (hopefully) do more to help. Whether he does more around the house while you do the second job, or he pulls more hours at the shop while you do extra loads of laundry, I bet you two together can find a compromise.
2007-07-12 12:50:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Joy. This sounds like depression. Especially the spending. Its sort of a comfort of sorts with some people. The sleeping in. The late nights up perhaps?
I don't usually recommend counselors of any sort but I think a physician who can diagnose these problems is in order. The real trick is getting him to agree to this. Maybe this'll be easy but you'll never know until you try.
I wish you luck. I do have to say that you say you're afraid you'll become bitter and angry. You're there. Its your move. How far you want to carry this is up to you.
2007-07-12 12:37:31 · answer #2 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are bitter because you had to get a job. Although being a brick layer pays well, it isn't the easiest job physically. Are all the bills his or did you contribute to them as well?
Marriage is a two way street and I think you should at least try to support him as he did you.
2007-07-12 12:30:05 · answer #3 · answered by QT 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did he really get all the medical attention he needed. A cat scan? is he in depression etc?....If I can read between the lines you don't think he's 'that' sick. You should not get 2 jobs and then work yourself to exhaustion, he will not appreciate this tremendous effort from you. If you are to be paying all the bills on yourself then better be on your own with your kids.
2007-07-12 12:26:26 · answer #4 · answered by Jane Marple 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You can get over it and support him and the kids or you can get a divorce and do it alone. If you think you cant handle taking care of the family then you should get out now. You will eventually get mean and angry and take it out on everyone. You make life what it is and struggling isnt fun.
2007-07-12 12:22:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously SOMETHING has changed with him. He might be suffering from depression and doesn't know it. Has he seen a doctor for anything besides vertigo?
2007-07-12 12:20:46 · answer #6 · answered by Joy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you shouldnt be doing all of that. he needs to get his lazy *** up and get a job to take care of you and the kids. you need to let him know that if he doesnt get up and get a job you will leave him b/c hunny honestly you can do better by yourself. you dont need that stress
2007-07-12 12:26:35 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell him to take meclizine and get over it! Time to be a man again!
2007-07-12 12:28:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋