Any advice on how to help 11 year old adapt to new school in new area?

Question

My 11 year old grandson is starting his new secondary school in September. He did three days preparation at school but all knew each other and he was left alone, even at lunch no one came to talk to him. He tried to talk to the other boys but was ignored. How can he be helped as he is nervous now of school. He has moved 133 miles from all his old school friends.

Answer 1

Oh no your heart just breaks for them doesnt it, i would speak to one of the parents if that was possible.. i did this when i was in the same situation with my daugher.if they make their kids aware of his predicament.they will look out for him , he only needs to be accepted by one or two to fit in with the rest.. it worked for my girl. i also joined all the after school clubs this helps them bond and make their face familiar.. she is fine now after her struggle but you do have to step in and help. its not fine to say they will be ok, if they are not confident enough they need that wee bit of support .. i hope the wee soul is ok i really do sympathize.. its a tough life for our kiddies..and sore on us when you love them sooo much xx

Answer 2

Website here that could help...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/schools/communities/onionstreet/advice

Lots of advice and information about moving schools among other things....

I personally say that he should just try and be himself and he will make new friends.

I moved to a different secondary school than all my other friends and had to start over from scratch... It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be after all the worrying and crying I did after leaving my friends behind. I made new ones, some of who I still talk to 4 years later, despite being moved to Spain a year after starting secondary school. And I had to start all over again.

I just suggest that he hangs in there and just carrys on as normal and he will make friends. The first few days are always difficult but afterwards you become friendly with people in your new classes. The boys on the preparation days probably just hung around together because they were also a bit nervous about everything. My advice is not to be something you're not as it makes things worse in the long run.

I hope everything turns out fine. I'm sure it probably will!

Good Luck!

Answer 3

I am so sorry to hear about his situation. I had a hard time too when moving schools. It is very difficult to make new friends, especially when the kids aren't very forthcoming.

It might be an idea to have a word with his teachers and make them aware that he is nervous and he needs some assistance. Maybe they can get a responsible boy to befriend your grandson, and help to introduce him to the other boys.

But please don't let this lie if he is finding it hard to fit in. It is important he starts feeling comfortable and welcomed at the new school or his schoolwork will suffer and he will get more and more reluctant to go.

You sound like a great grandmother. I am sure he will be able to talk to you when things get difficult for him.

Good luck. xx

Answer 4

Go and talk to the school and the teacher who will be his form teacher next year. Explain your concerns and they will help you along. As a teacher I had a parent with similar concerns a few years back. On day one I mixed the whole class so everyone was sat with someone they didn't know. The class bonded in no time and the new student got on really well with the others.

Also get him to join as many clubs and activities as possible. This will help break the ice. Generally the kids in school are good and as long as your grandson makes an effort he will get along fine.

Answer 5

I would suggest that he continue trying to talk to others and be open and friendly to anyone. It takes a while for new kids to come around, but if he joins in with people he will be 'accepted' much more quickly. I remember when new kids would start at my school, the best thing that they could do would be to join in a game of rugby or soccer. By the end of the game/lunch time, they would have been 'accepted' in to the boys group and be much more comfortable around everyone. The first few days will definitely be hard, but I really believe by the end of the week, he will be loving his new school!

Answer 6

If he has a special talent or is good at something, maybe there is an activity he can join to start off his way of making friends, or he could just ask some kids if they like samples of his work, or if it cant be physically seen, then he could ask any one if they are interested in the same thing or things. If he can start out with just one friend, then that will help alot, and then he can blossom from there with other kids. Good Luck To Him!

Answer 7

try to make as many friends as possible regardless of who they are or what they look like. Youll fit in well and be a popular kid.

Tell him to take up sports - things like football - it will get easier - i had this same problem at a similar age but it will be ok - itll work out - just let it happen and all will be well.

Final thing, dont go with him to school - drop him off somewhere close so he can go in on his own. I know this may sound bad but kids are embarrassed when parents or grandparents do this

Good luck

Answer 8

did he go to the primary school? or the secondary? When we visited comp. our primary school went and we all knew each other (obviously) but when we started at the comp there were new kids from different schools/areas.

Most kids are nervous especially about the transition to comp. Schools do a lot of tutor (registration) group activities and it is a good way for them to mix and get to know others. Encourage him to look at clubs that the school do - its easier to make friends when you, and the others are choosing these activities. They will be like minded people

I wouldnt automatically say get to know the 'neighbourhood' kids. At primary you are often friends with those who live near you. This changes a lot in comp and you separate into different groups, developing new friendships.

You have to let him try a nd sort this himself - dont be seen to be 'sorting' it for him - others will take the mickey out of him.

I hope it works for him. As parents (and grandparents) we often worry too much about our kids and want to protect them / help them / make them happy (obviously). Sometimes we have to stand back and let them work it out for themselves (its not easy).

Answer 9

I work in Pastoral Support in a boys high school and just this week we have had a taster day and parent/child evening for our new intake in September. I had one boy in my house in this situation so I spent a little more time with him and his parents in the evening trying to reassure both.

The transition to secondary school does seem to be much harder for boys than girls but having said that you must take care not to let your fears transmit to him and become his fears. It will make settling in much harder for him.

In September, when he actually starts his new school over 90% of the boys will feel at least a little nervous, just like him. Even those who have come up with boys from their junior school will find themselves in forms groups or classes with people they do not know. None of them will know the teachers. In this situation they usually bond quite well because they are all feeling vulnerable and are 'open' to bonding.

Be supportive, ask him about his day but do not make a baby of him.

Good luck!

Answer 10

Try not to worry, if he is a cool kid the other kids will come around. He should be polite and nice to everyone and not worry about the other kids much. Make sure he doesn't use a cell phone much they limit random chat with the people in the room with you. Have him ask the other kids questions or to borrow a pencil, people are honored to be asked. Have him join clubs or other things he is interested in and it doesn't need to be at school he will meet kids older and young that live nearby.