What in the world is going on?
Houses burning
People mourning
People thinking "Oh its only one more."
But deep down they are torn
No one caring,
We all are tearing
On shaking grounds
I hear awful sounds
The smell of ashes
The sight of gashes
The taste of blood
The touch of floods
We all are dying
We are flying
Above the clouds on our way to heaven
Right at eleven
2007-07-12 11:51:53 · 6 answers · asked by heavymetaluvr101 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
i like when u said we all r dying we r flying above the clouds on our way to heaven Right at eleven. u should meet my cousin Quinta because she writes poems 2
2007-07-19 06:49:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Really good...The only thing I would say is that when I right using rhyme, I try to stick with or stay close to the same rhythm...
ex.
1 2 3 4-5-6
The night of firefly's.
1 2 3 4-5 6
The night that winter dies.
2007-07-12 12:18:15 · answer #2 · answered by Leo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That Good 2 Thumbs Up!!
2007-07-19 06:35:41 · answer #3 · answered by Wondering Mind 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A little sing-songy, but not too bad!
Try this for the last line:
Check it out, news at eleven
2007-07-17 18:02:59 · answer #4 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can "picture" what you are saying...that is good.
There are a couple of lines that need to be shorter...
like maybe thinking "only one more"
and up to heaven
2007-07-12 12:42:56 · answer #5 · answered by bethybug 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that is really good. i know i could never do that:] keep writing
2007-07-12 11:56:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋