How do you accept the fact that you're going to be a single mom?

Question

My husband left me for another female 8 months ago. We have a 14 month old daughter. I filed for divorce and he sometimes acts like he wants to work it out but a few days later he changes his mind. He's not happy with her, his family hates her, etc. But enough is enough, I can't wait anymore hoping that he'll come to his senses. I don't HAVE to be with him, I just can't imagine raising my daughter without her daddy. He says he loves her and misses her but he out right refuses to come see her, there's always something more important. He has not come one single time in 8 months to see her, not even her first Christmas, New Years, Valentines, Easter, Birthday... no calls, no gifts, no money. After all that I still love him and wish we could work it out even though he's living with this B**** who assaulted me while I was holding my daughter while my husband stood and watched and did nothing. My question is, what can I tell myself to let go? I can't imagine being a single mom.

Answer 1

Well first of all you have to find the courage within yourself to stand up for yourself and your daughter. For Gods sake this man left you for another woman, disrespected you by letting another female assault you while you were holding your daughter knowing that she could get hurt. He is not worth your worries. Look speaking from personal experience I was terrified of being a single mother, I took the verbal abuse, I took the punches, the slaps the spits on the face, he would tell me I was ugly and fat all that crap and for what because I was scared. Enough is Enough! There is nothing scary about being a single mother, I have been doing in for a while now and all I regret is not doing it sooner. You have your daughter who will be the one that will make you stronger. She looks up to you and will look up to you for the rest of her life. You cant let her see you take this and grow up and get with a loser like your husband, because she thinks the behaviour is acceptable. No! Sweetie, I dont know if theres family that support you with this ordeal but you need to get divorced and move on. He is a bad man, bad father and he has proven it the last couple of months. I really dont know what else to tell you but to think of your little angel that needs u to be strong for her and for you to want more in life and more in a man. You dont deserve this. If you need to talk you can email me its [e-mail]
Everything will be okay, trust me. I was in your shoes once, and I'm great now! So will you...
God Bless and look for comfort in your daughter, she needs you.

Answer 2

Yes, you can. Pull your b*lls out of your purse and do it! It is an empowing feeling when you have accomplished a well-raised child and it is YOUR doing! We have to do what we have to do!

Think about the mental wellfare of your daughter, as well. Does she want a fly-by-night dad? How about the fighting? He can still be a part of her life, and she will still have a daddy, but you will be THE parent.

Don't give him the satisfaction of giving in or begging him back. He doesn't deserve a nice family, after all, he left it.

Don't bad mouth him to your little girl, let her grow up and find her own opinions. But you can raise a nice, polite, well-rounded child in a good stable environment, even if there is only one parent.

I am a single mom of two boys. They think the world of me...and although they see their dad every other weekend (no money, though) they know who the responsible and stable parent is. We have a routine and we have our little life together, and dad's house is just somewhere they go for a few days. They have formed their own opinions, and have adapted nicely. Their father has a new wife and a little girl and my kids have adjusted just fine. They would be fine without him, as well.

It is your husband that will miss out and it's exactly what he deserves. You sure CAN do this and it will be the best accomplishment of your life! Stay strong!

You can do it and

Answer 3

You need to suck it up and deal; there's a child involved here and you & she (the child) need to create some stability in your life. You can do it, it's been done before, and you're better off because of it.

Lose the loser, accept that life isn't fair, and find some happiness BY yourself, FOR yourself; and by happiness I don't mean another man. Take some time to assess the choices you made that led you to this place in life. Were there signs of what a loser this guy was earlier on? What could you have done differently? What will you pay closer attention to later on? What kinds of standards do you want for yourself? For your daughter? What kind of life do you envision for yourself? For your daughter? How is this jack*** contributing (or taking away from) that vision? If it was your daughter in the same situation, what advice would you give her?

This is a time for reflection and healing, not for second guessing and whining. Take some time to mourn the difficult transition you have to make, but then let it go. The future is full of possibilities for both you AND your daughter.

Answer 4

I know it's hard to imagine being a sinlge Mom to a child, but sometimes being single is better than putting up with the Father of the child. It sounds to me like he tells you what you want to hear, but then doesn't follow through on it. It also sounds like he is with this other girl, but keeps dangling you along in case this other relationship doesn't work out and quite frankly, it's not fair to you or your daughter!!

You deserve to be happy and your daughter deserves to have a parent that she can depend on. This is the time to enjoy your daughter being a toddler and instead you are so busy worrying about your hubby that you're missing the milestones that your daughter is making every day. Trust me, you will blink and she will be a teenager, you blink again and she is an adult.

You both deserve to have someone that will be there for both of you and will love you unconditionally. There are a lot of guys out there who are willing to step up to the plate and take care of both of you.

I think the time has come for you to close this chapter of your life and move on to bigger and better things. You won't be moving on alone....you will be moving on with your daughter. It's time for both of you to create a new and better life together as a family....without your hubby.

Best of luck!

Answer 5

My grandfather died of cancer when my mother was just 6 and my aunt was 2. My grandmother never remarried and raised my mother and my aunt very well, both have masters degrees, and have successful professional and personal lives as do their husbands and children.

When asked how she did it she said, "I just did. I didn't have a choice. I was a single mom when being a single mom was not accepted in society and when women in the work place were not accepted either. But I put all of that aside knowing I had to properly raise two young children on my own. I didn't think about it, I just did it."

You can do it too. You know deep down, what is best for your daughter. Don't be afraid to give her that.

Answer 6

The first thing you need to tell yourself is, you deserve better!! I grew up with a stepfather since I can remember, he's more than a dad to me than my real father will ever be. I dont have a relationship with my dad, we've lived in the same town for 20 years and maybe see eachother once or twice a year. I'm sooo greatful for my stepfather. Moral to the story.....you daughter deserves more than that too...if he was a good father it wouldn't be about you guys, it would be about his daughter and seeing her on a weekly basis, if not than daily. I bet there is a guy out there who will treat your daughter like his own, go find him so you both can be happy!

Answer 7

Being a single mom is NOT WORSE than living with a man who cheats on you and then ignores his own daughter on a daily basis. Honey - you have to wake up and wake up fast! He is a total loser - why would you wait for someone like him to come back. This girl gets what she deserves - HIM. What kind of a jerk lets his girlfriend assault the woman who is holding his own child????? PLEASE - get over him and don't look back. He will only cause you and your poor daughter more grief. Being a single mom may not be easy - but believe me - it is not the end of the world. How can you love someone who treats the both of you like this?

Answer 8

If i were you, i'd probably feel the same way. Being a mom is one of the things i want most in this world. It's a great gift that us women are given; to be able to give life like we do. I am sorry that you are going through such a rough time, but you are probably better off that way. It's better to be alone than with bad company, and that guy it seems he can't stand up for himself. So imagine that someone is kidnapping your baby and he just stands there, he won't do anything either.

Answer 9

If it helps; just remember your not the first mom nor the last to go from being married to single. Eventually life will be back to "normal", except you'll be doing it on your own for a while. Tell yourself you are better than the situation, you are better than your soon to be ex and your daughter deserves better. You were the best wife you could possibly be and its his loss!!! Good luck to you and your baby girl in the future; hold your head up high and be encouraged!

Answer 10

Its scary being a single mom.I have been twice.I'm goin threw it again right now.I have 3 boys.It hurts to see the kids hurt but u know after a while they get used to it and start enjoying having 2 b day parties and 2 christmas' etc.If u have good friends and family to support you it'll be ok.You have to keep ur self busy.It sounds like he doesn't deserve u or ur child.Please don't take him back.If he can stand there and let her assault u with ur child in ur arms he doesn't love or deserve either of u.Have faith.U can do it and probaly do it better without him.GOOD LUCK!