i put a post on hear the other day about my ex well i let him come round to see kids but he ended up spending more time with me than the kids he told me he loved me more than his girlfreind loads of other crap we slept together again then after he just slagged me of he started pussing me around cause he couldnt find his shoes i just lost it as its not the forst time he has hurt me i ended up trying to slash his tires and hanging off the side off his van trying to get his door open i feel just as bad as him for doing that now the kids prob wont see there father no more and its all my fault cause the way i carried on iam at the moment on antidepressents and waiting to see a councilor to see why i keep wanting him back and letting me do this to me even after what he done i still love him and want him back i should not feel like this towards a man that has cheated on me loads a man that kurts me should i i feel so bad for my kids i no i should just forget him and move on
2007-07-12 09:15:52 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
He is the one with the problem but you are the one still suffering for it. STAY AWAY FROM HIM. I'm sure your counsellor will be a big help. Get someone else to take the kids to see him without you. The kids should not have to choose between parents - regardless of what they are like. There is a good life waiting for you - you just have to jump this hurdle first.
2007-07-19 12:23:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, no, no IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT THAT HE HURT YOU!!!!!
It is your fault if you keep letting him into your home, then you are hurting yourself and your children. He's your EX, keep it that way. As long as you keep being a victim, no decent man will come around you. You don't really want him back, you just feel like maybe no one else will have you, or he's the father of your kids or some other CRAP like that. Get a grip on yourself and your life, YOU ARE A MOTHER! I'm sure you are a great person and you deserve a good man , and you're missing out on one because you're wasting your time with an ABUSER!!! I have been through this and now I have a good man that takes great care of my kids, this is how I know you can do this, you just have to start moving forward and leave the worthless ex's in the past where they belong. Do you think you are doing your kids any favors by letting them see their mother be hit and see her acting like an idiot by slashing tires and stuff? You're not.
God Bless You
2007-07-12 16:28:16 · answer #2 · answered by Jayne Savage 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My dear, have some self respect. Remember that your children are learning from you. If this is the way that you allow yourself to be treated by this person, then that is what your children will grow up believing is ok. Would you like to see your son treat someone this way? Or your daughter be treated this way? You have got to get away from this person and let yourself heal and get better. You should definately talk to someone. It never hurts to speak with an impartial party who can give you advice that cannot take sides. He does not love you!!!!!! As much as you may love him, he does not love you. No person who treats someone in a physically, or mentally abusive way is showing love. Love does not come disquised as abuse. Love is gentle, kind and accepting. He is using you. Do not let anyone treat you this way. You are disrespecting yourself and you deserve better than this. However, that being said, you need to control your actions as well. Hanging off the side of his van and slashing his tires is immature, and not a good example for your children. Besides, you can go to jail for destruction of property. If you keep up these types of emotional tirades, he will see the children full time because they will live with him and you will be seen as an unfit mother. Get control of yourself. Stay away from him. Do not speak to him regarding anything BUT the children. It is not your problem if he is not getting along with his girlfriend of the moment. Treat yourself and your children as if they were gold, and do not let any person who causes you to act and react in such a way to affect you as they do. It only makes you look bad. REALLY bad.
2007-07-19 12:31:31 · answer #3 · answered by Kristin A 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all the only thing you have messed up is yourself for staying with the jerk. Any guy that puts his hands on you in anger and hurts you in any way deserves the CURB! So kick him to the curb. I too was in an abusive relationship and I left because not only did it affect me but my son also. If he loved his children then any kind of relationship with you shouldn't matter. In other words he is using the children as an excuse to get to you. guess what it has been working hasn't it? There are good men out there if that is what you want. But right now concentrate on your children and forget about him, he is not worth it. If he pushes you because he could not find HIS shoes, what will happen to your children if he does something worse like kill you? Believe me if they are abusive and do not get help it will only get worse. And after he has you under his thumb (under his control) he will turn on your children. And as you love him so much, you will probably be afraid to do anything to protect your children. So get out now while you still can safely. Aloha & Good Luck
2007-07-19 15:58:02 · answer #4 · answered by meg o hawaii 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its quirk of fate and dont keep on blaming yourself for all the mess since you have better things to do. Firstly become a normal human being secondly stand up and face the reality and finally you have to lay down a solid pathway for a bright future of your children.
Please seek professional help as well get into mediation or yoga.But there is no substitute for self help and self reassurance. Believe in yourself and in your abilities and if the kids do want to meet him just send them to a park or recreation center where they can spend quality time with their father.
Instead of breaking your head over the past ( it no way solves your problem and on the contrary it would just aggravate your trauma and pain you) please habituate yourself with self control and plan ahead. Keep in mind you are a mother and you have duties towards your children and these duties have to be carried with utmost dedication and you have to double up as father too.
2007-07-20 02:55:56 · answer #5 · answered by bnsrrinivasan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its an abusive relationship and its very common for people to sleep with their ex's.
They want to feel love but confuse the situation of why they have left each other to begin with because it all feels normal.
I hate to say it but if your kids dont see the dad it would be in the best interst, not healthy at any point for them to be around you and him slashing tires, yelling, and carrying on like this.
2007-07-12 16:21:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, you sound very upset. You are doing the right thing by getting counseling. You are in an abusive realionship and need to distance youself from him. You are not helping yourself or your children by letting him have a revolving door to your and their lives. Have you asked yourself the question " Do I love him or who I want him to be?" Sometimes we find ourselves stuck with someone who will never be who we want them to be. I also would like to suggest to you to get into church it is a great support system, and know until you heal yourself you will not be able to heal him!!!!
2007-07-12 16:26:47 · answer #7 · answered by kimberly s 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
excuse me ? why in the HELL would you want a man back that slugs and pushes you around? not to mention he cheats as well. If your children see this they are going to end up in an abusive relationship when they are older, they only learn what they are taught! you are teaching them that is OK and acceptable for a man to hit and hurt women also that is perfectly OK and NORMAL to cheat on your spouse. not only do you need that counselor you need a psychiatrist!
2007-07-18 13:04:09 · answer #8 · answered by cheri h 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you know what you should do for the sake of the children. so do it this guy wants his cake and eat it.
its up to you not to let him have ihis cake or eat it .
If you are being scared into doing things you dont want to do with this waster then involve the law. the time for being nice and letting him have what he wants is long gone do your kids a favour and move on
2007-07-20 12:01:07 · answer #9 · answered by maclaren 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey mom, just 4get about him n give u'r space 2 u'r lovely kids they dont wanna lose u.they need u.so pray that GOD may give u somebody special.
anyway good luck.n forget him kidds need ya! n somebody special is waiting 4 u!!!!
2007-07-12 16:28:35 · answer #10 · answered by wini is me 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋