What do you do when you have the person you love most, constantly accuse you of being a cheater and a liar? How do you deal when your fiancé constantly calls you a whore just because he's insecure? I don't know what to do. He harrases me at work, he's manipulative. He'll manipulate a situation just to get what he wants. He treats me like he's my parent and not an equal. I love him so much, but I don't know how much I can take of the insults and the name calling.
If I ask him or even mention the word therapist, he thinks that I think he's crazy and that he doesn't need to see one.
Should I leave the person I love most or stick it out some more?
2007-07-12 08:01:17 · 88 answers · asked by Catherine J 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
leave him
2007-07-12 08:04:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
After living with abusive spouses for most of my life, I can tell you from experience that this behavior only gets WORSE over the course of time. The abuser learns what he can get away with and then steadily keeps pushing the limits. I know it is hard when u love someone. But, you have to love yourself more! Leaving the situation has to be your choice tho, others pushing you to leave when you arent ready usually only makes you stay longer. Depending on how long you have been with this person and how deeply you are in love are both factors on exactly how to deal with this situation. First off, LEAVE the situation, if you arent prepared to leave for good at least leave for now. Tell him that you cannot and will not deal with this behavior and that he has to get help and prove over the course of time, WHILE YOU ARE LIVING APART, that he has changed these behaviors and actually gotten help and is willing to become the right kind of partner to you. If he doesnt do this, then DO NOT go back. That will only prove to him that he can treat you anyway and do anything and that you will run back. Life is too short to be miserable during it and to be treated badly by someone who supposedly loves you. If it doesnt work, then quite simply you are much the better for it and so are your future children. And dont worry there are plenty of other people out there who will love you with a true love and a kind spirit! Life is short BE HAPPY~~much luck to you my friend, theresa
2007-07-20 06:46:26 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on how happy or how miserable you want to be. Usually the ones that accuse of cheating or being a liar are the same ones DOING the cheating and lying! If he's not interested in getting help, then you shouldn't stay in the relationship. Why would you want to be in a marriage that so obviously is making you miserable. He is mentally and emotionally abusing you right now. Get out!!! It only gets worse. How would you like to have your every move questioned , your mileage checked, etc. Think long and hard about this and I think the answer will be very clear to you.
2007-07-19 16:19:53 · answer #3 · answered by Angie O 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Leave him. He will never change. Do you want to live the rest of your life unhappy, and emotionally abused? Eventually, this will have an effect on your job performance too, if he is harrassing you at work. Then you'll have to look for another job. You will have to live in fear. You will not be happy. He doesn't want to go to a therapist because he thinks he is perfect, but he probably needs to deal with his own insecurities. So if you stay, you will either live the rest of your life like this, or wake up one day, when you are much older, and you are really fed up with his crap, and leave then, but the later you do it, the more you will really miss out on life.
You have to believe in yourself. Sometimes you stay in a relationship because you are used to it and scared to leave. You are scared of being alone, or maybe you won't find anyone.
So don't you marry that man. If you do, it will be that much harder to leave. Get out now, and find yourself again, because I am sure he hurt your self esteem a lot. Find yourself again, and when you do, when you are able to love yourself, the right person will come along. Be strong. Good luck.
2007-07-12 08:15:29 · answer #4 · answered by B-girl 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
No question. WALK. WALK. WALK. This will be hard.. because you are so emotionally and 'hope-fully' invested. I know how hard it is because I just broke of an Engagement when I saw some red flags that I could not ignore. My family likes him, we were knee deep in wedding plans etc etc... everyone's hope was invested.... I was wearing a STUNNING diamond ring (Oh girl I was hard to give up that diamond let me tell you!!!) And I stopped the presses on everything and asked for more time. We are 'friends' right now. I've returned the ring.
BELIEVE ME - DO NOT IGNORE THE OBVIOUS RED FLAGS. YOU ARE MAKING A MISTAKE MARRYING THIS PERSON and I would immediately separate myself and have no contact at all for at least 3 months. I would EXPECT him to submit to counseling before I would even consider partnering my life with his. I would not even think about marriage for at least a year of continued counseling both individually for him and together.
Cut your losses and see if you can remain friends. Stick by him if he commits to ongoing regular counseling and if he refuses, end of story for the two of you - PERIOD. Life is too short to live with hell on earth for the next how many years???
You may need some counseling too for the affects of what he's done and the fact that you accepted it in the first place.
You are WORTH A LOT! DO NOT COMPROMISE yourself, or your self worth for anyone.
Cmon girlfriend... time to wake up and change the direction of your future!
Good luck!!
Spherical
2007-07-20 05:59:55 · answer #5 · answered by spherical1287 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
PLEASE get to a counsler for you! My daughter has just gone through a divorce because of a manipulative person. They were married 12 yrs. with 2 children. Unless the man is willing to get help, this is a hopeless case. And you've already stated that he doesn't want help. You cannot help anyone until they are ready for help. No matter how much you love them, they have to help themself. Get some help for yourself to find out why you are even putting up with his behavior. It is very obvious that you are not happy with the situation being what it is. If he really loves you, he would not be treating you like he is. That is not love. If he wants to make the relationship work, he would seek help. Tell him (over the phone) that you will no longer see him until he is willing to go for counseling. Stick to this. And go immediately to a counselor for help for yourself. Life is too short. My ex son in law is now getting help, but his home is gone and the kids are being shuffled around. It is so heartbreaking. Please listen and get help before you get so deep into this situation and kids become involved, too. You will be in our prayers.
2007-07-20 02:22:34 · answer #6 · answered by Wantstohelp 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How do you deal with him? You leave him that's how. He will never change. Don't imagine he will. You will hate yourself if you do marry him.
Can I ask you a question? Do you like being abused? If you don't, then leave his sorry butt. How dare he call you a whore and you didn't knock him flat out. I had a boyfriend who was insecure etc... turns out he was cheating on me all the while trying to turn me into an emotional wreck! Take my advice. Walk away from this. You'll find a man who will love you and respect you more. Trust me on that.
2007-07-18 09:59:01 · answer #7 · answered by someonebeautiful 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like my ex-husband. the only thing this guy is going to do is make you miserable until you are just like him. He doesn't love himself or you. Love yourself first, keep yourself healthy, and stay with your friends and family. KEEP THEM CLOSE! You don't have to put up with anyone accusing you of infidelity, the one who is hollering the most is usually the one doing it. He is showing you DISRESPECT by calling you a whore and harassing you at work. Did you know you could lose your job over his silly b.s.?! Insults and name calling are the first steps down the path to physical abuse. Verbal abuse leaves no scars but is more permanently damaging because you start second guessing yourself and then you settling for every chunk of crap that he drops on you.
You deserve better. Stay busy and stay away from him. he will try to wear you down with promises and once he has you back he will get bored and start this crap all over again. It will become a game of how he can treat you bad and how long before he can get you back. He will never respect you. Free yourself
2007-07-18 19:34:27 · answer #8 · answered by veganxwfe2 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Here's how you deal with it. You leave. You do not deserve to be emotionally beaten down like that when there is a world full of decent people who will treat you a lot better. The worst thing you can do would be to tolerate this nonsense. It's equally as bad as physical abuse and some might argue the long term effects can be more severe. He's probably got you so beaten down and depressed that you are afraid right now. Fight that with all your strength and leave his sorry ***. He kind of sounds like the jerk from that movie Sleeping With the Enemy.
2007-07-12 08:08:47 · answer #9 · answered by Rckets 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Stick WHAT out??? You're only engaged now, imagine what it will be like when you're married?? He should at least consider therapy, for the sake of your relationship. But if he's not willing to try, then what's the point? Do you really want to go through this for the rest of your life??? I know how you feel, trust me. My boyfriend was very insecure in the beginning, but he was very willing to do therapy--and it helped. But how dare he belittle you by calling you a whore. You are his women and you deserve RESPECT!!! Never allow a man to treat you that way.
2007-07-12 10:40:56 · answer #10 · answered by monkey 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Leave him honey! You don't deserve that crap. If he is treating you this way now and you aren't even married, how do you think he's gonna treat you later? It will only get worse. I can't get over that he calls you a whore and you want to possibly stick it out for some more? Don't do it. I know you love him but if you stick it out he's only gonna beat you down until you have no self esteem left.
2007-07-12 08:35:52 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋