When you're married for a while- does the grass always seem greener?

Question

After the honeymoon phase of being married and you start to notice a few flaws in your mate, do you ever wonder if it was a bad idea to get married- does the grass always appear greener on the other side.

Does this feeling pass or does it come and go?

Answer 1

Yes all couples go through that phase. Love is an action...you can't depend on your 'feelings'. Feelings ebb and flow with the seasons of your life. You have to continue to work on making your relationship grow and last. The grass always LOOKS greener on the other side but if you should choose to go to the other side....you will find that grass too needs tending when you get there.

JOY

Answer 2

I looked at these "flaws" as learning a new thing about them. Because you really know someone once they and you are ready to get married, and suprise! You just discovered something you didn't know about them before. Like how strongly one felt about this and that. Or when they do this, they do it a totally different way you never thought of. -Yes- I am being vague because there is no way to tell exactly what you are seeing in them, but try to look at it as an adventure...I have been married almost 6 years now, and I STILL learn new things about my husband. You may see the biggest differences when circumstances change, ways of coping and see areas where you are stronger and he is -well- not as good as you are. You may have heard of the "team effort" in a marriage- you guys could really compliment each other!

Also- a last thought. There may be habits you didn't know you had, or ones that you know wouldn't work well in a healthy marriage. It is highly likely your mate could be observing these things as well -or- it may never had occurred to them as something to give a "dern" over. Getting married is super stressful and incredibly exciting. When this "high" is over and done with, it can be a big let down. And absolutely- feelings do come and go. It's getting through these times is what makes a marriage last. Maybe consider the "new adventure" as a continuation of your new life. -Good Luck!

Answer 3

I have been there and done that and the grass was greener so I don't really know now I have a wonderful husband who I love more than the moon and I know the grass is not even growing on the other side of this fence so somtimes you need to ask yourself why you are having these feeling might be with the wrong person.I was and much happier now.

Answer 4

If you think your wife is beginning to realize your worth then you should do all you can to save your marriage. Put a time limit on it and discuss how you feel with your wife. Don't hold back. Tell her exactly how you feel. No one is perfect and it seems that your wife has very high expectations of you. Perhaps it's you who should have high expectation of her? If your wife continues with her current attitude, give her an ultimatum but do try to save your marriage first. If it doesn't work out then the sooner you are out of a bad marriage the better. Don't hang around if you think there is no hope. You sound like a decent man and you deserve better. Don't spend the rest of your life being a doormat.

Answer 5

Few things "always" are true...however over time some people do start feeling like other situations appear better than theirs.

That's why knowing someone at least a year is a good idea prior to marrying, just so you can get an idea of their flaws and they yours, so you'll know what you may be willing to tolerate and live with. Sometimes there are surprises or new issues come up, but a lot of things you can learn before you say "I do".

Answer 6

I think it is different for each person. I always wondered but I loved my wife too much to ever cheat on her. My wife however is another story. This past March, I discovered that she is having an emotional affair with a colleague. She has decided at this point that the grass is greener and she wants a divorce. She will not consider marriage counseling (even though we have two kids).

So, even though my feelings passed, the feelings hit my STB ex-wife hard enough to make her want a divorce.

Answer 7

I think it's pretty normal to have that feeling of the grass seeming greener on the other side. But usually it's just a fantasy that has been conjured up in your head. Everyone has flaws.

Answer 8

Depends on who you married. You notice a few flaws, nobody is perfect, but what are the flaws? Are they bad enough that it makes you wish you didn't marry them? If you really love him then you don't need to be looking at the grass over he fence...mow your own...look for ways to take care of your spouse...bring the feeling back that you once had...when's the last time you took a bubble bath together? When is the last time you just held each other and talked? If you are not happy now, what makes you think you will be happy with someone else? Eveybody has flaws...You need to find happiness with in yourself. Don't blame your spouse. Good luck.

Answer 9

It is normal but this is when you need to focus on your husband and not turn to someone else. Take time with your spouse, go on a date get away for the weekend. He is the one you promised to love forever. You may think the grass seems greener but once you get there it really isn't! Just a lot more problems.
Your feelings will come and go but how you handle them is what defines you as a person.

Answer 10

It passes. Make a list of the things you love about your spouse & read it daily until the feeling passes.

Work on your marriage & it will be a great one giving you all kinds of joys! It is work, but it's worth it.

One other thing that I like to tell people is that the grass is greener on the other side ONLY because there's more fertilizer there...and we all know that fertilizer is just manure...and who wants to live in it?