How would you use these.................????

Question

phrases in a story?
1. Well chop me off at the knees and call me shorty
2. Like stink on a skunk
3. Just an old empty bucket
4. Careful, it might be catchin'
5. Calm yore self there
6. What goes around comes around
7. Last man in buys the beer

For Jen, girl, I'm as country as it gets. DEEP south Mississippi.

Answer 1

Dodge City, Kansas
Circa 1876

"Well Chop Me Off At The Knees And Call Me Shorty"

Festus was walking with his good friends, U.S.Marshal Matt Dillon and Doc Adams, toward the Long Branch Saloon.
Festus:"(7) Last man in buys the beer !" The three off like lightning ! They entered the swinging doors of the saloon at the same time!! (Ala The Three Stooges.)
Festus pushed so hard to free himself of the others, that Doc was knocked........Yep....He was knocked to the floor and trampled by a passing group of cowpokes from Brokeback Mountain Spa and Resort.
One of the cowpokes, LiberScratchy, who was in the middle of a dance rendition of "Ma, HE'S Making Eyes At Me," helped Doc to his feet......
"Hello. And how are you, my dear? " He winked at Doc and gently touched his face.
http://www.cwhyteforpresident.com/images/gender_pics/liberace_american.jpg
Doc ran over to Matt !!
Festus:"(5) Calm yore self there, ya old scutter. Don't worry none about LiberScratchy. He likes 'em young.....And smart."
Festus giggled as he took another sip of his brew.
Doc:"Festus? " Your head is (3) Just an old empty bucket!"
Matt laughed as he listened to his old friends bantering.

As they stood at the bar, each was lost in their own private thoughts:
Matt was thinking about his girlfriend Sunshine MacGillicutty and what they would be doing once he got home:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/foad2fun/49695343/
Festus was thinking about how the man who had just walked into the saloon, smelled......
Whew!! (2) Like stink on a skunk:
http://www.i-fur.com/images/skunk-jockey-002.jpg
And Doc? Well, ole Doc was thinking about how he NEVER wanted to run into any of the Brokeback Mountain Boys on a lonely road:
http://www.stonewallvets.org/images/TheVillagePeople.jpg

Pretty soon the pianoman, Billy Jolinsky, started up on the old ivories.....He did a rousing rendition of that old classic............

"(6) What Goes Around Comes Around, Won't You Be My Boomerang Tonight?"

Miss Kitty, higher than a kite and twice as flighty, started singing :

♫ " They don't call me sugar lips for nothin'.
And I don't give nothin' away for free.
Come on back to bed,you old Boomerang.
Call on back and lay down next to me.

I won't charge you what the going rate is.
I won't break your wallet. No siree.
I'll just ask for thirty five or forty.
(1) Well chop me off at the knees and call me shorty.♫"

When Kitty finished her ragtime rendition, she pranced over to the bar and grabbed her three friends. Matt was speechless. Festus thought she had been a bit off-key.
Doc was worried she was sick in the head......
"(4) Careful, it might be catchin'."

Answer 2

Well chop me off at the knees and call me shorty cause what goes around comes around like stink on a skunk so calm yore self there it's just an old empty bucket but careful, it might be catchin' and if your the last man in buys the beer!

Answer 3

I hope you aren't making fun of us country people ;-)
1. Refers to something surprising
2. Something that sticks to something (super glue will stick like stink on a skunk)
3. Never heard this one but am assuming it means air headed
4. You could catch what that person/thing has OR If you associate with stupid people...careful it might be catchin
5. calm down
6. Every one gets their due (if your nice -nice things will happen)
7. Just what it says. Last man in the door buys the beer cuz they are late!

Answer 4

Slap me and call me silly!