Should I stay and tough it out or should I go?

Question

My husband and I have been together for 4 years. I love this man to death. Recently things started to get real bad. His job cant' afford to pay him all though he is capable of finding new employment he chooses to stay with this job. They keep telling him tomorrow and so on so forth. I am working tow jobs to provide for my husband and his 9 year old son its really hard for me. My husband has had several job offers and chooses to stay where he is knowing from one week to the next that he may or may not get paid. Any suggestions as what I should do. He has only been at this job for 4 mths. He can't hold a good job for more than 6 so far. I feel like I am wasting my time. Should I follow through with my threats and move out and see if he can grow up then or what. He will be 31 in November. Please help. All we do is fight. I think that I am headed for a break down.

Answer 1

I have been through this one. There is no easy answer. You shouldn't have to work two jobs to support yourself and your son, so tell him he needs to be contributing to your family, and your son's well-being is more important than having a job you enjoy. Sometimes work just needs to be work to make your living. If he doesn't understand that, maybe the responsibility of being in a family is something he can't handle

Answer 2

there has been some real good stuff on this board. read it all. no one works for no pay, so, there may be a real possibility he is lying about even going to work. i too have known about people who have done this. there is no reason on earth that you should be headed for a break down. i suspect you care about the 9 year old boy. this is just a thought, but, could you go to his mother and speak with her? i do not mean at all to go to her and complain about your husband. i mean go to her and just feel her out about what would happen if things changed between you and your husband, would she want more custody? i have known guys the age of your husband, and, it sometimes turns out that the job thing and not being able to keep one goes all the way back to high school. sometimes they grow up and turn it around and sometimes they themselves are comfy with the way they are and see no reason to change, and cant understand why their women are losing their minds, of course it is because the women are more responsible and see a much bigger picture. sometimes it is because of something called ADD and you can look it up and see if the symptoms match your guy. there is medicine for it, sometimes just eating more protein helps. but many times it is a hidden druggie type of thing. the fact that he has job offers is a good thing, or he could just be lying to get you off his back. right now in the real estate loan industry people are losing their jobs right and left, and those people are not going to get jobs in that industry any time soon. so, like others have said, dont neccessarily believe him, talk to his exwife about his innocent son, and keep your eyes and ears open. and most of all do not let him make you crazy, or isolate you from common sense.

Answer 3

No offense but it sounds like he might be doing drugs. My cousin would go so far as to roll around in the dirt outside before he went home just to fool his girlfriend. And then when he went to work all week but didn't have a paycheck to show for it, he came up with a really elaberate lie about the company having problems, and so forth. I even made him a fake check stub so he could get his girlfriend off his back. He is now serving a 6 year sentance for drugs. Dig a little bit and see if you can find the truth. If you think he might be on drugs the best thing for you to do is leave imediatly, and definatly do not under any circumstances tell him where you live, if you leave. I hope I am wrong and hes just lazy. Good Luck!

Answer 4

You need to remind your husband that it is no longer about him, and that his decisions affect you and his son.

It sounds like your husband has some growing up to do. His inability to keep a job is a warning sign, and at 31 he needs to get his act together, and fast. It seems that he's doing what he wants to do rather than what he NEEDS to do, and that is the difference between a boy and a real man.

Give him time to get himself together and to make changes in himself, but if after several months you don't see a change I'd suggest terminating the relationship. You don't want to be living 10 years down the line dealing with this same problem.

Answer 5

This is a pattern that might be really hard for him to break. I've seen it in older men where they still can't or won't keep a job for a decent amount of time. The family suffers financially and emotionally. To keep your sanity, try going to financial counciling. Get your husband involved in your bills so he knows exactly how much needs to be made to keep up with bills and have extra money. Show him each individual invoice: car, insurance, mortgage, credit cards, utility, etc. Have it all ready in a spreadsheet so you're ready to have it all laid out in front of him. Talk to him about how much money is coming in, and how much is going out. If he cannot keep a steady income, the bills will stack up, you could lose the cars, can't take a nice vacation or go out to eat. This is just a thought to save the marriage before calling it quits. I've just seen it in other relationships where the man doesn't change and there's a lot of stress.

Answer 6

I don't think that you should leave him because as much as it is hard for you i can be the same for him maybe he wants to stay there for a reason maybe where they offer him another job is a lower pay that why he don't want to go for it, why don't you tell him to at least get a part time job if he don't want to leave his old one till they call him back. i don't see this a reason for you to leave him because i think that you have to be supportive hey im a mother of 4 and work a full and part time job so if i can do it i think that if you rilly love your husband you will work things out try talking to him and if you start to argue just take a walk out side and cool off.

Answer 7

You need to have an honest talk with your husband. Be direct. Set some goals and stick to them. You can't continue going down this path forever. If he decides to get another job, set the goal of having him keep it for atleast a year, then if he really doesn't like it, he can move on.

It sounds like you need more communication. You should be able to tell him how you feel and he should understand and work towards making things better.

Answer 8

Ask your husband WHY he is so commited to this one job - what does it provide for him (comfort, familarity, friends, etc). Then tell him you understand and respect that reason/need, but that your family's survival is a more compelling need right now. Tell him that right now he needs to focus on providing the basics (food, shelter, etc) before he can focus on the intangible or long-term benefits his current job might provide.

If he isn't willing to discuss or compromise on this issue, then it's time to leave. Take your son and move out, and tell your husband that if and when he is ready to provide stability and basic necessities for his family, then you can discuss getting back together, but until then you are separated.

good luck in everything

Answer 9

It seems to me that he is just using you. I would say that he only cares about himself. If he really cared about you, he would find a real paying job and help pay the bills. Get away from this man as soon as you can!

Answer 10

Have you talked to him about the reasons why he stays? I mean, if there is big potential, then maybe he thinks a little pain now leads to big gains in a few months. But if he can't hols a job for six months, maybe he feels because they can't pay him, they won't fire him if he screws up.