I've recently started caring for a 3 1/2 month old baby boy. The mom is a young,single working mother. Just a few days ago she expressed to me how she hates working because she could very easily miss her baby's 'firsts'.
Today her son rolled over for the first time and I'm so torn. I want so much to tell her, but I also want to make her believe that when she sees him, she will be seeing him do it for the first time. Being a young single mom is hard enough, but knowing that you have to miss your childs milestones because you are taking responsibility just seems too much to bear. I know I might very well have to deal with this with ever milestone. What would you do?
2007-07-12 04:32:33 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
I would never condone lieing to a mother about her child, but if she doesn't ask I don't see the harm in not pointing out what she has missed.
Sounds like she is doing the her best to be a responsible adult, she could sit home on welfare and see all her son's firsts.
Good for her, I guess I am saying that you don't have to volunteer any information that will just make her sad. Don't lie if she asks though.
2007-07-12 04:41:43 · answer #1 · answered by IcanoutfishU 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I'm an in-home daycare provider, in my experience it's best to just let them see it on their own. I usually say something like, "Oh he was SO close to rolling over today, I think he'll do it soon!" I deal with this all the time, right now for babies I have a 6 month old, 7 month old, and 12 month old. I have had them since they were 6 weeks old and they spend the majority of their day with me so it's natural that I see most of their "firsts". I just tell the parents how "close" they are and then they usually go home and do it that day or the next and they come back and tell me and are so proud :)
2007-07-12 05:00:05 · answer #2 · answered by totspotathome 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like your more than capable, and I too would be offended. I am a nurse that works closely with an obstetrician, I handle babies all day long, as well as help new mom's through those first few months that are rough. I thought I had being a mom cased when I got pregnant. Guess what.. its a whole different ball game when its your baby. I needed advise and reassurance just like everyone else. Nobody is ever "prepared" for a baby. I think your family needs to keep their comments to themselves. Your mother should be sticking up for you, not making it worse! Good luck:)
2016-05-20 11:17:02 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think I would tell her and then discuss it with her and what would make her feel best. I was a young single mother and I missed a few milestones. It made me sad, but really there is nothing you can do. Do either of you have a video camera? Maybe you could record stuff for her or take a picture. Maybe make a scrapbook with the dates/times and pics. I guess it would've meant more to me knowing that my child had such a caring and empathetic caregiver who cared about those things. Talk to her.
2007-07-12 04:42:35 · answer #4 · answered by TBECK 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It probably wouldn't hurt to let her think that she saw it for the first time on her own. Maybe you could mention a couple of things the baby did but let the REALLY big milestones be a surprise for her, like crawling and making those first sounds that could be a word. It's bound to happen if you are spending the most time with the baby that you will see a lot of these things yourself... but she never has to know about every single occurence.
2007-07-12 04:42:59 · answer #5 · answered by Awesome Writer 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I would let her know that he's been trying to do "whatever" and that she should watch him when she can, so that she will be able to see his firsts! Don't read this to mean I'm telling you to stop babysitting him, that she should be caring for him - I'm definately not saying that. Give her a heads up that these milestones are soon to be coming, if not already here, and let her proudly tell you that he finally rolled over, sat up, crawled etc. Personally I missed by daughter's first steps witnessed by the sitter, but i knew that she was trying and just extra proud that she finally did it. And me witnessing her steps that same night didn't make it any less special.
2007-07-12 04:46:41 · answer #6 · answered by Newf 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hello,
My DD is almost 6mths & i will be returning to full time work (as the Director of a new CCC) very soon. Although my DH will be looking after her (SAHD) i too am worried about missing her "firsts"....... My sister suggested that my DH video tape them for me if i miss them, but then that would require him to have the video camera on the ready as not to miss it.
I use to be a Family Day Carer & a lot of parents expressed to me that they would prefer me not to tell them if their child did something that they hadn't seen yet. This was also the policy in a Child care centre i use to work in (not to tell the parents unless they have told us they have already seen it first)..... So i'd pretend that you didn't see the baby roll over, but maybe ask her "Has he started to try roll over?, I can't wait until he does.... make sure you let me know when he does it"
Hope that helps you & good luck
2007-07-12 21:34:43 · answer #7 · answered by heidistar_99 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a mom of 2 in daycare and I agonized over the same thing.
My daycare lady has been great in not mentioning anything to me. Looking back, I know that she must have seen many "firsts" but never mentioned them and I thank her for that.
My husband never had this problem and said "Well it will be a first for you when you see it." Which just didn't help the way I felt at all.
For me, it would just deflate me to be constantly confronted with the fact that I was not there providing the immediate support to my child to reach those important developmental milestones. They have so many in that first year that it would seem like every week I might get told that I again failed to provide one of the basic conerstones of parenting my child.
So again, it's not that I do not want to face the truth, I just don't need to be constantly reminded of it and I am grateful to my daycare lady for not pointing it out so that I can truly enjoy my first time seeing it.
2007-07-12 05:26:33 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would tell her that he tried to roll over today (or whatever day) and tell her to take him home and work on it with him. He should do it again with her and she will be so excited. Hiding a little tid bit can make all the difference. I took a trip alone for my birthday when my daughter was 6 months old. She learned to roll from her back to belly while I was gone. I was soo excited when I got home and saw her do it, but will never forget that I missed it. Even though I wasn't working, I was gone. Just tell her he tried really really hard to roll over and you think he's ready and tell her to take him home and see if he'll do it. After a day or two and he hasn't done it, but has at your house, then tell her he did. But give her a day or so to try to get him to do it with her. Good luck.
2007-07-12 04:56:55 · answer #9 · answered by Christy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe, try and get some picture's for her of her little one doing new things... Write the date(s) down and a little sentence or two... Keep a book and give it to her at the baby's first birthday... That would be a nice thoughtful gift if she feels badly about missing some firsts... Or if she hadn't gotten around to taking pictures herself.. She atleast has some record of the event. I'm a SAHM and I would hate to miss all those wonderful firsts... I work p/t at night and stay with my kids during the day.... I know not everyone can/wants to do that... good luck
2007-07-12 04:43:18 · answer #10 · answered by pebblespro 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋