hel with the relationship chores--i think she is lazy she tells me i am nuts for calling her lazy?

Question

at first rent was 50/50 i didn't pay bills so we said if i cleaned the basics cool
then she paid a little more for rent and i had to clean everything cool
then i made more money and i paid more for rent but she still expected me to do everything
now it is 50/50 but she has a "tougher" job than i do more stressful-she still expects this house to be spotless i cleaned my *** off 3 weeks ago everything and did the maintance for a few weeks and the last 3 days i just cleaned my stuff up cuz i think it is stupid she can honestly think o i have a harder job than him so i am going to come home and leave my **** every were she should clean a little to right now that i am paying 50/50 or even when i am not she should still help right---right now
kitchen her mail/work/shoes stuff everywere me no mess
bathroom-her make up her books my towel and socks on floor
bedroom-she has a pile of books and bags 2 feet high on her half the bed and shoes everywere my side a pillow and pants on floor

Answer 1

Both of you pitch in and pay a maid.

Answer 2

Sounds like she is lazy. Sorry.

Here's an idea. List all of the cleaning chores that have to be done. Make it an absolutely complete list. Show it to her. Choose which jobs will be yours, and which ones will be hers. Next week, (or two weeks, month, whenever) swap jobs. Cleaning really shouldn't have to be related to who pays the bills. Believe me, I'm a stay-at-home mom with 2 kids. Hubby makes all the money for this household. But I am NOT about to clean up all his messes without a little help here and there. Such as: carry your dinner plate to the kitchen sink. don't drop your clothes on the floor, put them in the hamper, if you spill something, wipe it up! These little things really make a big difference to me.

I'm hopeful for you that once she sees the entire list of things that you do all by yourself right now, that she will be more willing to take on a few tasks herself. It's not fair that you both work, but only you clean. If she won't start helping out, then start refusing to clean up "her" messes. Don't pick up her clothes, don't wash her clothes. Don't clean the dishes she uses. Keep your stuff picked up and cleaned. After a month of this, try the list again.

Best of luck to you!

Answer 3

Sounds like you had a bad arrangement to begin with and need to start fresh, establishing that no one is "the maid" or the "breadwinner," but rather you are two people in a caring relationship trying to make it work. If one person feels taken advantage of, it's never going to work out. Be considerate of each other's feelings and needs and make those things clear to each other and do your best. If someone's not agreeable to that, it's time to move on.

Answer 4

R-E-S-P-E-C-T.... this is what it has to mean...both parties can split the bills and chores....in my home my spouse is a butcher, he works 12 hrs a day 6 days a wk, I have the same hrs and work 7 days.....I am a ful time student online, I have 5 children and my job is my daycare that i operate out of my home......so more children.....i do laundry, i do most of the cooking, on his off days he cooks, changes diapers, pullups, trash, and mops. ooh and babysits while i catch some zzz's. (lol) when i got it i pay a bill.....each hand washes the other.......team work.....

Answer 5

Either split the work or split the money to have someone else do it. Quite honestly, it sounds like neither of you are emotionally grown up enough to be living together.

Answer 6

GET REAL DUDE!!!!

If you're not ready to do what she wants you to do to help keep the place clean, then you're certainly not ready to live with a woman!!!!

Here's a tip: Don't let your messes pile up. It's a lot easier to keep a place clean than it is to clean up a messy place!