I am in an emotionally abusive marriage and my mind feels shut down and I can't make decisions why ?

Answer 1

It's because you've been bullied and socialized to feel like any decision you make won't be the correct one. Your husband tears you down so he can retain complete control over you and your actions. It probably makes him feel more like a man when he tells you all the horrible things that you do and how awful you are; this way you will know how lucky you are to have someone in your life like him who is willing to put up with you. That's part of the abuse cycle; they will wear you down until you have no self-esteem and no confidence left in your abilities to make your own decisions and create your own path in life.

I must applaud you for even recognizing that you are in an abusive relationship. One of the biggest misconceptions about domestic violence is that it must be physical. Often the mental abuse is far worse than any physical abuse because the scars take longer to heal.

Check with some domestic violence agencies in your area. Many of them offer free outpatient counseling. It's very private and your husband will never know that you are going. You don't even have to give them your real name if you don't feel comfortable doing so. You need to get a support system in order and reclaim your life. Your mind could feel shut down in part because of depression. It's no surprise that many victims of domestic violence also suffer from depression. I mean it's not exactly uplifting to have the person who is supposed to love you the most insulting and degrading you on a daily basis. Counselors at domestic violence agencies can help you develop a plan to attain all the goals that you want to accomplish; they can also provide referrals so you can get some medication for your depression at little or no cost to yourself.

Just know that what you are experiencing is very common for victims of domestic violence. I used to work at a domestic violence agency and have seen clients who were almost catatonic develop into wonderful, confident women with the right support.

I have included the links for some information on domestic violence and for a list of local resources (on a state-by-state basis). Please peruse this information and realize that you are not alone. Good luck and stay strong!!! You can get through this.

Answer 2

Hi there . I am really sorry to hear about your marriage. A lot of the time the abuser is a very controlling person who over a period of time take away your confidence , individuality and make all the decisions for both of you. They end up making you feel that you are incapable of making any decisions. You are still capable of making decisions , your confidence is just down. I would suggest a couple of options for you. You can leave this situation and start a new life ,or as hard as it seems you need to start standing up to your husband and make it clear you will not be putting up with any more abuse. This will shock him as he will not be expecting this and make sure you stand your ground as he is used to getting his own way. It would also be benificial to seek some counciling and a support group for abused women. I really wish you good luck.

Answer 3

That is because he hurt your feelings way to many times, and now you are confused to either stay with him or leave. Please leave, I was also in an emotionally abusive marriage and I left when I was 2 weeks due with his son, I left the state and went back home. The emotional abuse will get worse. You may want to seek counseling because you might have some type of disorder now. I just found out I have bipolar disorder, I have been in way to many traumatic events and they hit me really hard. after my emotional abuse from my x husband, I ended up getting into another relationship, that guy turned out to be a physical abuser. If you don't go get help now, you will see a pattern of this.

Answer 4

Sounds to me like you answered your own question.

I have known emotionally abused wives who finally became addicted to drugs or alcohol, to numb the pain.

If I could suggest anything at all for you, I highly recommend good counseling. There has got to be a therapist, even at a county mental health facility, who can guide you in the right direction.

I know about the "shutting down" of the mind, too.
It's a form of denial. You don't want to believe your situation is the way it is. You want to blame yourself, or play the victim role. --- So, maybe stop being a victim, and rescue yourself from the situation. Get some advice, and not from just a friend.

God bless you, and good luck.

Answer 5

Maybe you have become totally dependent on your husband both physically and emotionally and because of this, you have stopped thinking for yourself; you're like a robot. Your husband may be taking advantage over your inability to think or decide for yourself and that is not a good sign. Is your husband a domineering man? You have just about given up defending yourself and lost the will to fight back. So that over time, you just shut your mind off anything just to have peace in the house. Only you can alter your state of mind and your way of life.

Answer 6

I WAS in the same boat almost 2 years ago!

Courage is what got me through it, and support from my family and friends. They knew what I was going through, they had seen plenty for too many years! They knew I was totally in love with him, and even though they knew the relationship was emotionally/mentally/physically abusive, they wouldn't interfere. I had to do it on my own! It's like an alcoholic, I needed to hit rock bottom, and let me tell you I did just that!

I became physically/mentally ill, sleeping disorder's(their gone now), lack in self-worth(lacking NO more) dignity(holding my head high),memory lapses(getting my degree) I was a flippin' mess!

Now, MY LIFE is SO important to me, and so should yours! It won't be easy, I can't lie about that. As each day passes, you'll get better in some small way or another. Your mind will begin to think again, you'll sleep better, you'll have confidence in yourself, the list is endless!

I've had a years worth of counseling, and other programs that have helped me immensely. Friends and family have been a wonderful support group, and I feel victorious! I do have bad days, but this to shall pass. You've got alot of support here, please, don't hesitate on making your move. It's the right choice, and your worth it!!! God bless, Pixie48

Answer 7

Because your self esteem is beatin down. Since it is so hard to get out of situations when your self esteem has been attacked so much I would suggest a secret little plan to start you towards recovery. Get to a book store or a libary and start reading books on mental abuse and recovery. You will start to learn how to defend yourself. Eventually I hope through this you find the strenght to leave. The sooner your out the better but I understand it is difficult. If it is bad enough and you need intervention more quickly, lookup a local womens shelter for abused wives. Mental abuse is as bad as physical. The shelter will take you and children in and protect and council and will aid you to recovery and being back on your own feet.

Dont, fight back for now, just learn how to deal with it, and by all means get out if you can.

Answer 8

Dear Tereanea,
As you can see, there are others who have experienced this, which I describe as a slow and tortuous murder of your very spirit, your identity.
The stress of dealing with ,essentially, what is a crazy person, makes a sane person retreat into a half-life of limited response. You do this to avoid further pain and to protect whatever of yourself is left after the day to day onslaught leaves you with no life-energy.
You are doing so much to maintain that there is not enough focus or presence of mind left to make decisions. You are much as a robot. You move about but, you don't think or feel.

Absolutely brilliant answers, on the whole.

The consensus is correct. Save yourself. If you need help, then, get it. God speed your way. Do what you must do, even if you have to do it , afraid.
After all, you only get one life. It is yours. How do you want to spend it? C. :)!!

Answer 9

It is a control thing. By emotionally abusing you, your spouse is taking your personal power, and almost having a sort of "mind control" over you. You need to get out now, because it will only escalate to something worse!
If you need help getting out, here are some phone numbers where people can help you!
The Support Network can provide emergency shelter should you need it. Call our 24-Hour Crisis line: 1-800-572-2782
Get out. Call someone that you know you can trust. Get a lawyer, and get out. Emotional abuse can only escalate into physical abuse.

Answer 10

I understand exactly where you are coming from. I am in the same situation...I know that I need to leave but it is hard to actually do it...I have given up so much of myself, to the point that I quit taking care of myself, I am not overweight when I used to be very thin and pretty and had the world ahead of me, no I feel hopeless. I have decided to take charge of my life and I am slowly making changes and have decided that there will be a time that I will stand up to his name calling and tirades and he will either get over it or I leave.

I know that the reason I stay is a fear of being alone and telling my children...if you don't already have children now is the time to leave or it just gets harder. I have missed out on 15 years of MY life giving up things that I enjoy because I wanted to be a good wife and thought that he loved me...he doesn't love me he just loves controling me.