please answer question!!!!?

Question

If your husband says he will kill you and your whole family if you leave him and then says hes joking. then says he will kill your family instead so you will be all alone. and says he joking about that too. he has never hit me, he calls me names, i take care of the money, he has changed when i want to go see my family and friends. i do want to leave him but i am afraid he might do this and i have 3 kids i have to make sure nothing happens to them. Do you think he will do this if i leave him? I don't want anything to happen to my family because of me. i have people tell me to leave him but they are not in my shoes.

my husband does not work. how do i leave.

Answer 1

I have recently escaped from a relationship with the exact characteristics as the ones you are describing, and i have a baby also.

I think this is all a mentally abusive game, a struggle within him to control and ignore his own fears and insecurities. There is definately something wrong with him, and, unlike me, dont stay around too long to try and figure it out, and dont feel preasured into the whole supporting and helping him get through this or that stuff, cause, trust me, it will never end, and it will only become worse and worse.

Before you lose everything you feel and dream and stand for, you must realize that at this moment, the only things worth anything at all are your 3 kids, their future, minds and who they will become, all depends on you and your husband is not going to care about these things at all. All that is important to him is himself and his own "hardships".

I know its extremely hard to stand on your feet, to take the chances your about to take and do what you really want to, but just picture your and your kids life in say 5 or 10 years, what is left of the person you are now, and what has become of your childrens security etc? Did you and your kids have the life that you wanted to provide?

Look, you need to figure out what you TRULY believe to be right, as i did. And no, it was not easy at all, but i believed it to be right, and im sticking to it. My only worth is my motherhood, my baby, and noone, no matter who it is is ever gonna take that away from me. My baby will not feel the abuse he gave in anyway, and if you think that he will not affect the kids, you are totally in denial.

Think of somehow you can escape into a better situation, maybe, i hope, somewhere or someone you can go to to get some time out and think of your next steps. Right now, you need space away from him and the whole crazy game he has caught you up in.

If neccessary, take an order out on him so he cant come near you, that way there will be record of his unsafe behaviour and threats. But, no. I dont think that he will carry out his threats. But, yes. I know what your going through and i feel for you immensely!! Your feeling that if given the chance to, he will carry out his threats, even if it is to spite you, and that is sooo scary. I understand.

Just do what you consider the right thing and i am certain that it will eventually turn out fine.

Good Luck and God bless!!!

Answer 2

OK, first of all, this is not a funny "joke." What kind of man are you married to?!? I cannot imagine how you could be married to a man who threatens to kill you and your family then makes a joke of it.

Second of all, noone can better predict whether or not he WILL actually do this if you leave. You are the best person to answer your own question. Noone here on answers knows your husband better than you do. Do YOU think he could actually do it?

Third, whether or not you think he could do it, if you want to leave him, then you should find a way to do it. Tell family and friends about the threat. Tell him that you've told family and friends and that they would know who was responsible if anything happened to you. If you feel really strongly about leaving him, then move somewhere where he can't find you. Just find a way.

You know him best. You know your own feelings best. Do what's best for you and your kids.

Answer 3

He sounds kind of dangerous! You never know. Sometimes people say these things because they think that's all they have. If he's not being physically abusive but has called you names, that's a form of abuse. How did he say he'd kill you and your family--in a fit of anger, and then later on he said he was just kidding? I'd be careful with this one.

I'd hate to see a family split up, so I would suggest that you tell him that no matter how much your family means to you, he and the kids will always be most important to you. Sounds like he's just very insecure about himself. Try to give him your assurance that you love him, but would love him a lot more if he didn't call you names and didn't threaten you. I would also try to get you guys into counseling, but sometimes possessive men don't like that because they fear that the counselor will try to talk you into leaving him.

Best of luck to you!

Answer 4

In actuality he may never do what he threatens, but that is not a threat to take lightly. Think about it....if he actually does do it, would you be able to live with yourself knowing you could have potentially stopped it from happening by taking him more seriously? Normal people dont say stuff like that. I would suggest speaking to a professional about this. Seek out your local women's shelter, meet with a professional there and tell them what you wrote here. They will be able to give you stats, suggestions for the best way to leave, safety precautions, etc. Because they deal with type of situation on a daily basis. Whatever you do, dont stay in this situation, you need to think of the well being of your children first and foremost. And secondly, dont ignore this and assume he is kidding. I bet someone out there thought people like Jeffrey Dahmmer, Scott Peterson, Ted Bundy, etc were just kidding when they inevitably made off handed comments. Im sure no one close to them believed they would do something so horrible. Your husband may not be a serial killer, but its still not normal to behave that way. Also, that whole split personality type---changing when you're around friends/family---thats a huge indicator of bigger issues. I worked part time for a women's shelter in college, please take my advice and talk to someone. It cant hurt the situation any to talk to someone. Good Luck! Be Safe!

Answer 5

I would report this to the police and leave him immediately! If you are seriously concerned that he's not joking, then that in itself says worlds. The fact that you don't know means that this relationship is long over. Talk to your family, warn them about your fears. Call the police and put a restraining order on him. If he threatened your life they can do that. Then take your kids and get out, get out, get out. If he is capable of killing you or a loved one if you leave him then he's capable of doing it if you stay together.

You take care of the money, so grab it and run! This guy is a lunatic and you clearly want out of the relationship anyway. Nothing will get better if you stay with this psychopath, things will only get worse.

Answer 6

These are not things to joke about. If I were you, the next time he says something like this try to get it recorded. You can play it to the police and get an order of protection. No court in the world would grant visitation rights to a man who threatens to kill your family if you left him. But there has to be proof. Leave him. Immediately. Especially after the surge in family killings, why risk becoming another statistic??

Answer 7

I was in pretty much the same situation a few years back. He threatened me for 13 years and I finally decided that is all it was. Just take your kids and leave with the clothes on your back. Get a restraining order and get the police to help you go and get your stuff. It will get ugly and it will be hard but you and your family will be ok. It is called emotional abuse and soon he will find someone else that he can control.

Answer 8

OMG! Passive-aggressive threats against you and your family? What you should be afraid of is what he might do to you and your 3 kids if you DO stay. They might be threats now, but he's obviously quite sick and on a massive power trip, it can only get worse.

This is just me, but do you have a tape recorder or digital camcorder? I would definitely start recording these threats, take them to a lawyer and file restraining orders. I know that doesn't sound like much, but the chances of you being in the headlines? He's dangerous, it's only a matter of time before it gets taken to the next level.

Answer 9

you cannot live in fear of what might or might not happen.
If you want to leave then you need to leave. I would tape him saying this, make record of it with the attorney when you file for divorce and alert your family. There are ways to protect you and your family. But the main thing is you need to stand up for yourself and be strong. In spite of what he says.
Things will only escalate if you don't. now if he is at home all the time you have to leave when you are doing errands or something. you will probably have to leave without much.
one thing you could do is pretend you are having a garage sale
give your friend some money to pretend she is buying all your stuff (casually of course) and have her store your stuff.
it would be one way to get some stuff out of the house, otherwise you might just have to start over.

Answer 10

First of all you have to go to the police without your hubby knowing this . They take threats like this very serious . It is against the law to threaten to kill someone . The way things are now adays I think they will pick him up and keep him until he is charged and goes to court .They shouldn't let him have bail because he is a clear danger to other people . After filing charges make a fast dash to a womans shelter they will help and keep you safe . Have everything ready to go before going to the police . Make your family aware so they can take precautions until he is arrested .