My fiance broke off our engagement and I've found the only way to get past this, is to treat it like a death. Like that person is completely gone, and sometimes like he never existed. If I don't do this, I drive myself crazy. Does anyone think this is unhealthy or have any advice?
2007-07-12 03:36:50 · 18 answers · asked by P.Y.T.23 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It is like death.To get over it you will have to go through the grieving process, just like when someone dies. The first step is to accept the situation. In losing someone you love like this, this is harder than a death because you keep thinking you can change things. Still it must be done if you want to move on. One always has a hard time accept facts where there has been a strong emotional bonding and commitment. The next step is anger. It is not wrong to be angry. You have to experience this to get past it. When someone dies you get over the anger fast because you realize it is not rational. In this case you can use the anger… stoke it up to help you move on. And you can use it to move on to other things. Get involved with other people. Be busy for a while. You can use all of this to help you
2007-07-12 03:40:57 · answer #1 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is like a death. I did the same thing after my divorce. The person I married would never have cheated on me and left me for another woman. The man I divorced did - he is a stranger to me. I have very little contact with him even though we have a child. Even when I do see him look at him and think - I do not know this guy. The man I knew is gone. I cannot pretend he did not exist because of our son; however, I do feel as if he has died. So...I do not think it is unhealthy. It forces you to move on. The same way you would have to if he actually died.
2007-07-12 03:47:30 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No it isn't unhealthy, what you doing is moving on. When I got divorce from my first husband that is what I need I went there the steps of grieving my divorce and then I moved on, I learned from it, and at the end I didn't have any bad feelings towards him. I felt he taught me what I didn't want in relationship and I thank him for that. I am now a better person for it. So go on and treat it as if it is a death and you want look back. You will become a stronger person for it. Good Luck
2007-07-12 03:44:59 · answer #3 · answered by Brezzy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly what you mean. My boyfriend and I are going through a breakup after being together three years. It hurts so much and everytime I see or talk to him, it hurts that much more. I'm not exactly one to give advice since I'm through such pain myself, but I think that what you're doing is right. The grief that comes from a breakup is a lot like grieving a death. It's the death of something that once was and never will be again, so why torture yourself? Whatever it takes to get through it, do it. It's such a hard time, and I feel for you.
2007-07-12 03:42:14 · answer #4 · answered by Mel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
in a way I guess it is like a death but it is unhealthy, you need to approach it as a good thing, and move on,, count it as a learning experience and also think that that marriage wouldn't have lasted or someone would have cheated, and the big blessing is you dont have kids brought into a unhappy home, bad divorce,, horrible visitations,, so you should be happy,,, because of all the unknowns that could have been
2007-07-12 03:50:32 · answer #5 · answered by rich2481 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes I have. In a sense, it is a death in the very true sense of the word...the relationship has died and grief follows as surely as night follows day.
Only time will heal the wounds and one day, you'll get up and not feel the heavy burden of loss that you're going through now.
2007-07-12 03:48:22 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a death - it's a death of a relationship. Normal to feel that way and go through the symptoms of grief. Anger, sorrow, then acceptance. You're fine.
2007-07-12 03:41:43 · answer #7 · answered by Stefka 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A lot of psychologists explain the emotions in the split up of relationships as the same as those when someone does die...so why not treat it like it's a death?
2007-07-12 03:41:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! "Alana J" is so right, I so agree with her. That's all I kept telling myself when my wife cheated on me. That's not my _ _ _ _ _ (we don't use real names on here.) The person that did what she was doing to me, was not the woman that I married. That was a crazy time for me when that was taking place. But it was the death of my marriage, & there was no other way to see/deal with it.
2007-07-12 06:11:45 · answer #9 · answered by WhyNotMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it's normal but every time you see him all the hurt will resurface for years to come.. It's been 25 years since and old flame broke up with me and if i let myself think of him it feels like it happened only yesterday, i have tried to hate him but if by chance i ran in to him today even tho I'm married i would end up in his arms..
2007-07-12 03:49:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋