How do I cut of an engagement with a man who I know has a bad temper and will not take it well?

Question

I'm not happy. He uses my car (In my name & I pay for it but never drive it), My cellphone in my name on which I don't use but pay for cause he always uses it & my laptop that I bought a while before I even met him. He has returned his wedding band 2 times & exchanged it once. Returned it the 2nd time recently & the wedding is in a little over a month. The car never has gas in it for me to go anywhere. He always puts just enough in for him to get where he needs to be & to take me back & forth to work. He uses any money we ever get on weed & some other kind of **** that he always says he is going to quit but won't. I bought not only his wedding band but my wedding set as well including my engagement ring. He says he wants to move to Florida to make it easier on us cause he has a job set up there. But the thing is I will be paying for both of us to get down there. I don't think this relationship can be fixed. If it can be fixed please tell me how. If not I want out.

I am not willing to marry a deadbeat.

His one female friend calls at all hours of the night & he won't do a damn thing about it.

Hell he has gone there without me in the middle of the night while I sleep

I know he does because he wakes me up says he will be back shortly and comes home almost 2 hours later and wakes me up to tell me he is home.

He does not have work right now.. Even more bad news huh....

To answer the question why I stuck around.. He told me he would change. Things will get better and they have not and I am sick of it..

Answer 1

have a friend do it; a big strong friend

Answer 2

Wow sounds like you got yourself a whopper of a problem. First off do you live together? If so make arrangements to move (if it's a shared place) Next discuss it with him either on the phone or in a very public place (or have people over) in case he gets violent. If you are throwing him try to get ahold of his house keys then call him and let him know its over and he can pick his stuff up at another location (friends or parents house) Tell him that you have grown apart and that you don't want to hold him back anymore, that he should go on to Florida and take that job. If you don't live together then same as above just no need to pack up his things and drop them somewhere for him! Good luck with that... Hope you find the happiness you deserve (also life is way to short to waste it on a "scrub") ;)

Answer 3

1. Get as much of your stuff out of the house as possible before doing it.
2. Call the police dept and arrange a "civil standby" on the day you do it. They will be used to stand by while you remove your belongings from his place.
3. Give him back the ring and break up with him in a public place( restaraunt, etc.) Be sure there's plenty of people. Once it's done have the civil standby ready and go to the house to get the rest of your stuff.
4. If you think he will be a prblem afterward, file a restraining order immediately.

Good luck. This guy sounds like a control freak.

Answer 4

Call the wedding off. Now! If his temper is really that bad you will need to let others know what is happening. Your safety is the most important issue here. Take everything that is yours if you can. If not, it is replaceable. You are not. If you are living together and the house is in your name, get the locks changed. If the house is not in your name, stay with a trusted friend or relative. Just keep yourself safe and away from this loser. You deserve better.

Answer 5

You need to drop this guy AND FAST!!!! Ok, if he has a hot temper and may do something unpredictable, then you NEED TO MAKE A PLAN first. Don't just walk out or he'll be able to keep whatever you leave behind. Is there ANY time when he's not at the house? If so, then plan on leaving at that time but be sure to give yourself enough time to take anything that's worthwhile to you - like your cell and laptop. This may take a week or two of planning but it's worth it. You need to find a place to stay where he won't know the phone number or be able to find you. You don't want him sneaking over and popping your tires out of anger or anything. Get your ducks in order girl. That means financially too. If he has access to any of your accounts, then you need to emtpy them at the last minute. Leave him a letter explaining the reasons why you can't stay and just split!!! I wouldn't stick around for her verbal abuse or for his pleading and saying he'll change.

Answer 6

I want you to read what you wrote. Do you see where this is taking you? Down to the bottom with him. Are you sure this guy's name is not Darrin? lol Because it sure sounds like the deadbeat I was with. It never got better, it only got worse in being if he could not find a job after losing the one he had, he would take money out of my wallet to buy his weed. When that started happening, I begin to plan for a way to get out of the mess after I tried to stop him from taking the money, he beat me up. I slowly started packing my things and taking them a little at a time out of the apartment. He never noticed because he was to wrapped up in himself. One night when he was asleep I got into my car and left. If you cannot get your things together and leave with your car, computer, and other belongings, call the police and tell them you need help getting out of the apartment. Do this when he isn't home. Have your paperwork and receipts to show the police they items belong to you. One other thing? Do not move away from your family. He wants you all to himself so he can mentally and physcially abuse and control you. He cannot do it as well as long as you have family members you can go to for help. Please leave him now while you can.

Answer 7

do you have a friend that would intimodate him or scare him or call the police and they will let you get all of youre stuff and get the hell out of their he is trying to control youre every move thats why he wont leave gas in the car for you where you cant leave and i be damn if i would be paying for anything for him or letting him take over my car or phone honey if you marry him or take off to florida with him you are gonna end up dead or hurt real bad you need to get out while you can tell him you have to go spend some time with a sick family member and take care of them anything to get away from him i was in a relationship like this and you dont wont to go through the marriage like i did you will end up in the hospital i stayed in the marriage for 6 years and waited for him to finally go to work and left him for good got a restrainor on him where he couldnt come around me good luck and do something now before its too late

Answer 8

You need to make a plan. Since everything is in your name, this should be easy. Either turn off your phone, or make sure that you have it. Take your laptop. Take your car, if he has a key to it, have the locks changed. Take what you can, because if he has a bad temper, he'll probably trash anything you leave behind. You can sue him later, but don't leave anyhing irrplacable behind. Give his ring up as a loss, it's his, it was a gift. And then, either kick him out of your apartment or house, if it is solely in your name that should be VERY easy. if you can't do this, then go home or go sompelace else. You might consider contacting a women's shelter. I don't know if he abuses you or not, but he is abusing your resources and if you are afraid of his reaction, they can tell you what you need to do in order to make sure he won't run of your bills or destroy your stuff.

Answer 9

Break it off in a restaurant where he can't cause a scene without being restrained. Have a friend follow you to the restaurant and pick you up. If he continues to be verbally abusive or won't leave you alone get a restraining order. You are lucky you found out all about him now and aren't going through with the marriage. He sounds like a user and a nut.

Answer 10

Please, don't marry this man. You'll be making a terrible mistake. He's using you in the worst way and if you continue with him, you'll end up in bankruptcy. And whatever you do, don't give up your job and follow him to Florida. He'll drain you dry.

Understand that he sees you as a job. That is, he gets his needs met through you. I know you're awake, but you've got to wake all the way up and see this predator for what he is. He's in complete control of you now. The only thing you're allowed to do is work. He controls the cellphone, the laptop, the car, and the finances. You can't talk to anybody, go anywhere, or do anything on your own. he's a con man--very slick guy.

Find the courage to cancel the engagement. If you've spent money on a wedding, try to recover your costs as much as possible, but understand that it's worth every penny you lose to get out of this relationship.

Take back the control of your car and start driving yourself to work. Understand that he may try to sabatoge the vehicle, to keep you from driving it. If you think he's capable of that, park it at your parents house for a while. Have the cellphone turned off and say you can't afford it anymore. Take your laptop to work and lock it up in your desk, if necessary. Get those wedding rings (before he does) and return them, to recover some of your costs. Secure your bank cards and credit cards. If necessary report them stolen and have them reissued to a post office box number. You have to get serious with these type of guys; they play to win. Whatever you do, do not get pregnant by this guy. When these tricksters see their gravy train slipping away, their last resort is to get the woman pregnant, to insure a living condition. Protect yourself against this at all costs.

There are thousands of men like this who are living off of women and destroying their lives. Don't let this happen to you. Make up your mind and move quietly and quickly to free yourself. He's going to become angry and try to put you on a guilt trip, but don't be fooled by him. If he says he's moving to Florida and wants to speed up the wedding, let him go. If he says he loves you and can't live with out you, don't believe him. He's a con man.

Answer 11

you've gotten yourself involved with a real LOSER.

from where i sit, the relationship can't be "fixed" because HE was broken before you ever met him!

he is a user and a loser....

you're not taking care of yourself emotionally or your life either.

call off the wedding. there are more BAD POINTS to this relationship than good (you didn't mention anything good).

take back your car keys and cellphone and tell him to hit the road.... he's been very unfair to you...

it's time to take care of YOU. DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN... OR YOUR LIFE WILL GO TO HELL IN A HANDBASKET!