My husband likes to look at porn on internet and deletes all the history files on computer like trying to hide something. He promised me he is not doing drugs, but yet 1 year ago he talked about mushrooms to my friend and asked if he wanted a hit, says he was joking because they both had drug problems in the past. To top it off, I found out he might have a baby whose about 3 years old, we've been married for 2 years, by his ex-wife and he won't get a blood test done to see if it really is his. He told me he wants nothing to do with this child and told his ex-wife when she got pregnant to get an abortion. I feel overwhelmed, not to mention when I bring up these topics he gets all mad and storms out saying I should trust him. Another thing he treats our kids differently, he has one and I have 4. I heard marriage takes a lot of work, is this worth working on? I hate to have another divorce, but this stuff bothers me and he doesn't want to talk about it.
2007-07-12 02:29:16 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Kati, sounds like he needs to mature. And us as women make the mistake of thinking we can make that process happen. The truth of the matter is he has to realize what he is doing and care about the effects it is having on your marriage. You can help him come to that realization, but you can't make him admit he realizes it and you cant make him care. Get a counselor, a minister someone with experience to sit down with you two and talk it out. I know it's hard but try you don't want to look back and say you could have tried harder. But please please do not lose yourself. I wish you the best!
2007-07-12 02:36:09 · answer #1 · answered by Candygirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have 4 kids? He has 1? Ur married to him? How long? Do u have kids with this man? I have to say that I am living with my b/f going on 4 yrs soon. He's done a lot of things I should of left him for. I take my commitment with him serious. As if we were married...we live as if we are. I've been divorced several times. We have all been to that pt where we KNOW a divorce is inevitable but we just don't know when we'll get the guts to move on. Whose to say u've changed ur pattern with guys? will u just get with another one just like him? I've gone thru several yrs of therapy to change my pattern with men. I changed the way I argue and the way I handle stress. I'm glad I got my divorces. I'm glad I haven't married this one. I would not tolerate drugs or drunkeness. Couldn't let that around my 5 kids. My oldest is in the USAF now. I have 4 full time kids at home. My b/f has 3 that live with his ex. PPL have relationship problems...it's how u both deal with them and try to resolve the issues together. If he refuses to admit there are issues u might have no choice but to leave him. Good luck no matter what u chose...think of the kids, what is best for them and DO IT...
2007-07-12 02:39:13 · answer #2 · answered by Just me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He had/has a drug problem! He is hiding his pron habit. He may have a child he doesn't want to be held responsible for. He shows differences between the children in your marriage. He refuses to discuss these issues to resolve them and you have to ask? If he wants to be trusted he has to walk the walk. Marriage is hard work when both people are committed to solving every day problems like paying the rent, who should pick up the kids and what movie to see. The drug problem alone should have given you pause especially since you already had kids. What in blue blazes were you thinking?!
2007-07-12 02:48:59 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all it sounds like your husband has what we call an Impulse Control Disorder. People with these disorders get an impulse to do something like drugs and have difficulty or are unable to control doing the drugs. So he went from drugs to porn.
Not wanting to take responsibility for a child that might be his shows a great lack of character. Not to mention the fact that he treats your children differently from his own.
Marriage does take a lot of work, and it takes both people to work on it. Both partners have to be willing to communicate, as well as to give and take. It sounds like he isn't willing to do any of this.
I would suggest you both go to couples counseling and take it from there.
Good luck and God Bless!
2007-07-12 02:44:41 · answer #4 · answered by The OTHER Boelyn Chic 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You mentioned a couple of problems, but what is your every day life like? Is he a good role model for the children(besides what he does in private)? Do you have a good relationship besides the issues he does not want to talk about? Is he a good marriage partner?
I suggest going into counseling if you have any questions about his fidelity(looking at porn is a breach of fidelity). As far as integrity, it definitely sounds like his is lacking. Only you can decide if it is worth it to stay or leave.
2007-07-12 02:34:14 · answer #5 · answered by njspanteach 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
find out from someone with computer know how ,how to get into the delieted files,it can be done.if his ex wants child support hell have to have a dna done even if he doesnt want to.on the drug issue have you seen any changes in him?real nice then having another personality?ask him if he thinks your marriage is worth keeping and if he says yes then tell him you two will talk or your going to walk.trust is the biggest issue in a marriage and you have to have communication.
2007-07-12 02:51:06 · answer #6 · answered by marilynfsmgm 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just ignore what your husband is doing and pretend that you are not aware. Try to love his child equally as your 4 children. Put up a smiling face and he will probably understand how much you love him. Do not think the negative side of life. What is more important is that your husband must be able to upkeep amicably the family
2007-07-12 03:06:17 · answer #7 · answered by henrysum2000 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a real problem if he wont talk about it. All the more reason to believe something fishy is going on. I don't think it's worth the stress. If your husband loves you he should be willing and able to talk about ANY and EVERYTHING with you and feel comfortable. I think something is going on personally. Especially the fact that he gets all defensive and storms off.
2007-07-12 02:35:32 · answer #8 · answered by Let's go Red Sox! 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I t sounds like you are raising 6 kids. I could not even imagine what your going through but I also could not imagine staying with him and dealing with all of his bullshit! Life is to short to live like that.
Good Luck!
2007-07-12 02:34:46 · answer #9 · answered by Brooke M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seek counselling for yourself.It will help you find the answers
for yourself. Then you can make an informed decision about your future, & this relationship.
2007-07-12 02:37:41 · answer #10 · answered by Klingon 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋