how can i make my boyfriend help out with our 8 weeks old baby and take some of the night feeds?

Question

my partner is15 years older than me and has 3 other children. My problem is that he never helps with the night times and i'm exhausted i know he works and i dont expect him to do the 3am feeds but at 7 when he gets up he could do it surely but he has to be prompted he also doesn't fuss of take care and i feel so sad when i hear other daddy's that are so excited about their new babies and want to help and be involved my baby has to really scream in order for any action to be taken by his father which means of course its up to me to do it also there is no extra care taken ie when driving and carrying heavy equipment for his job he doesnot worry if it may fall on baby if he were to crash why is he so thoughtless whay doesnt he care for his baby like other men do is it because its his forth one and therefore less important his other 3 kids are not by me.

Answer 1

Stop cooking for him, doing his laundry, and cleaning up his crap.

When he asks why, tell him that you're exhausted from doing ALL the work of caring for the baby.

I was breastfeeding, so my hubby really COULDN'T take over for a night feeding, but he'd get up and change her and bring her to me in bed.

He also cooked dinner while I nursed, etc.

Answer 2

I feel so sorry for you hun. How thoughtless of him not to help you out. At some stage, you will get too tired to feed your baby, and then what is he going to do. Once I was too tired to even hold a bottle to my baby's mouth, and as soon as my partner saw that, he instinctively took over. Some men can be so selfish thinking that it is the womens responsibility to do ALL the looking after. The bottom line is : Its a JOINT responsibility. Does'nt matter if he works full time. I made my other half do the night time feeds every fri-sun ( I didnt mind during the week). That way it gave me a good sleep every weekend. Having a baby is an exhausting job, but at the same time very rewarding. He's got to realise that. Have a chat with him and express your concerns.

Answer 3

Tell him if e didint wanna a baby he shudda used protcection. Sumtyms men stop bothering after a while espeically bcso he has other kids already. Tell him u need a rest and say yh u may work but bein a housewife is very hard! it is the hardest job! say cud u atleast do the 7am feed and if he dosent then dnt sleep with him or summik , show him ur mad! Tell him u cnt always do it and tell him if you constantly have 2 do it you will become worn out and then may become ill then he will have 2 look after u and the baby! esplain how u feel and dnt hold back! good luck x

Answer 4

Men have a special brain sensor that allows them to sleep peacefully even if there's a screaming infant less then 2 ft. from them !! You may have to talk with him about how you feel, chances are he's clueless and since you haven't asked for help he thinks you don't need it.. Even if he has 3 other children he probably didn't help with them either. So, adapt a scedule/routine that he can be a better part of.. Whether it's bathing and nightime routines or helping with feeding... Show him where everything is or have it ready for him when he needs it... That will eliminate the response "I don't know how" I'm lucky my husband for the most part will help, however I have to say "I'm running a bath for the kids...." or "Can you help me ..." They have to be "trained" sorry guys if this offends...

Answer 5

My partner works and won't do the night feeds during the week but he will do the night feeds the night before he has a day off, which works out great for us , as he then has a day to recover and i get a nice sleep for once , though i usually wake up with a headache cause i'm not used to that much sleep anymore !

Answer 6

my heart does feel for you. when i had baby number 3 hubby was useless i survived on 3 hours sleep a day and hubby did not even work back then, just played computer games. one day i had to break down and tell him to love in the real effing world and help out more or i would leave. drastic i know but i was dying inside from lack of rest. baby 4 is due anytime and hubby works long hours now and i know its going to be real tough again especially with other kids to look after. men sometimes need a reality shock to see how they can do more or how tired babies can make you

Answer 7

if you have friends or family close by when he comes in from work tell the lazy ignorant b****** tell him his dinner is in oven your going out leave baby go to friends or family have a well eartnt rest when you return talk to him tell him how you feel and try and sort out a routine he is probably tired from work but it is no excuse.You need to rest between feeds during the day when the baby gets into your routine life gets easier.I done last two feeds and got up earlier and worked 12 hours a day she managed to get sleep every body happy

Answer 8

i am sorry to say that u can not make anyone do anything they don't want to do..... so i would get used to doing all the nite feeds and the care day to day......also i would not want to leave my baby with someone who doesn't really wanna help ( even the dad).


My first husband WAS like that, so i just got on with everything myself. lots of days out visiting family and friends, trips to the park that sort of thing, then when he was ready to be more hands on our son didn't want to know, my x hubby learnt a very good lesson that day...

Answer 9

Have you tried talking to him?
Tell him whats wrong with the picture as you see it and see if he see's it the same way. It might be that he doesn't realise that you want/need him to be more hands on, with a good frank talk maybe something can be done for the good. If not then just get used to it, i know its hard, i raised 3 by my self but its worth it in the end.


Good luck!
x

Answer 10

good luck its still hard to get my husband to help with are 5 month old. let him know that you can't do this on your own and you need help. of course some men are stubborn and don't want to help. and i know its sad but some men don't even know how to care for a baby .





is he 15 or 5 years difference from you. if 15 what age does that put you.