Why do some women use the child as a form of payback when the man no longer wants to be with them?

Question

Women will take a man to court to get as much money as possible just to get back at the man. Women want the man to take care of them and the child. If a man is paying lets say $600 a month, as soon as the woman finds out he's working overtime or has a second job, she draggs him back to court to get $1000 a month when the $600 a month was more than enough to take care of the child. And I don't want to hear about diapers, utilities, food, clothes because $600 is enough, if more more than enough for that. Some women seem to forget that they are required to provide 50% financially for the child too. They complain that $600 a month isn't enough for food, diapers, utilities etc. but if they were doing thier share, it should be $1200 a month for the child. It is not up to the child's money to pay the entire utility bills. Women need to pay for their usage too. I guarantee I will get bashed here from all the women that this applies to. If you're gonna bash me, please turn on your email.

ANOTHR THING WOMEN DO IS NOT ALLOW THE FATHER TO SEE THE CHILD. THEY DONT ALLOW THE FATHER TO HAVE THE CHILD AROUND ANY NEW GIRLFRIENDS.

Answer 1

I am a divorced woman and not going to bash you either. I would also bash the system. Tho there are women out there that are very spiteful...and the lawyers push them to get everything they possibly can. My personal experience, i took nothing from the marriage, we had split custody and my ex paid only 30.00 a week in child support. I was cool with that. When my youngest turned 17 his child support was to go up to 482.00/mth but he co-signed on a loan for a car for my daughter to get back and forth to school and work, i had bad credit and couldn't, it helped me out tremendously and even though he forked over no $$ only his name, i wrote off the child support and he didn't have to pay anymore. I believe the system is unfair to men to an extent. Even though i could have benefited from the laws, i chose not to as i think it isn't very fair. Plus, i wanted him to leave me alone, he never would have if i had been a b**** about the whole thing. It was better for my children not to be. To many times women use the children to get what they want, and it is very wrong. I never denied my ex visitation. I felt it was better for the children to form their own opinion of their father based on the man they knew, not the man i knew. He was no longer my husband, but still their father. It's very wrong to deny them that relationship based on personal gain or spite. VERY WRONG!!

Answer 2

If your income changed while you were still together the fortunes of your child would change too. In any event its not the woman who decides these things, its the courts, and they take all things into consideration, not just what you think is enough, not just what she thinks is too little, their main concern is the child.
The father certainly has the right to see the child as per the agreement at the time of divorce. If the woman doesn't allow that the proper thing to do is keep a list with date of refusal and why she wouldn't allow it, then take her to court. Needless to say, if you show up reliably when you are supposed to and don't disappoint the child when it suits you, you will stand a better chance of enforcing compliance on her part.
There is no reason to bash you if you are regular in your payments and show up when you are supposed to. But its the courts you should complain to about the amount of child support, and if they say its reasonable, then adjust your thinking to the fact that having a child isn't something that stays static in fiscal responsibility as time goes on and your income goes up.
If you have a progression of women in your life, she doesn't want the child to see that. If you have one woman thats a different story, in either event, she has no real say, but use some discretion, for the childs sake.
And my email is always on.

Answer 3

I will not bash you as you are in a way correct in what you are saying. However, it is not all women that do this. Only the petty ones that have nothing better to do with their time are the ones that alway want more, not for the benefit of the child but for the benefit of them. Unless the father is a completely unfit parent where it would not be healthy for the child to see their father, no woman should deny their child the right to see their father. That is just wrong. I can understand a mother not wanting to have their child around the new girlfriends at first because what happens if the relationship is one that fizzles out in a few weeks or months. But, if the relationship with the new girlfriend is a serious one and one that looks as if it is going to last, than the child should meet the girlfriend as they are going to be a part of that childs life. When my sons father started dating again, I let him know that I thought it would be best that she meet our son if this was a relationship was going somewhere. They are still together and have 2 kids of their own and she is very much involved with my son and treats him like she treats her own 2.

Answer 4

I am a woman and am not going to bash you but I am going to bash the system
I agree with you that the responsibility for caring for children falls on both the mother and father equally. Unfortunately the courts system has been jaded by so many who shirk their child support responsibilities.
My boyfriend's children lived with us for 3 years and we covered all of their expenses. We never asked her for a dime. During that time his ex collected welfare claiming he wasn't paying to support the kids. She also worked under the table making over $900 dollars a week at a strip club. He was unaware that she was getting the assistance until being dragged into court and forced to repay back all of the money she got from the government. The judge refused to listen to the fact that the kids were with us.
Don't say he should have had a lawyer. He works two jobs and still money is too tight to pay for one. Hers was appointed by the court. So now he pays $540 a month in child support and $460 in restitution.
So my advice to those out there being screw by the system and the children's other parent. Don't pay in cash. Keep proof of support IE receipts and other documentation, make sure schools know the children are living with you even if its only on the weekends, and most importantly pay you child support. You created them so pay for them!

Answer 5

I could not agree with you more and as a new gf I don't understand the ex's who use this method of punishment either.

My daughter hasn't seen her father for 3yrs. (by his choice) and he's never paid me a dime in child support. Do I take him to court? Nope. I work and can make my own way w/out the government or his help. If he does bothter to call and want to see her, then I would certainly allow it because it is for my daughter's mental health, not my own.

My current bf's ex sound much like the lady you described above. I don't know why some women have to be so petty but I also have to say that the courts allow for such mistreatment too. If I wanted to "cream" my ex it would be simple and I could go to legal aide and do it all for free. My bf tried to take his ex using legal aide (because we have other bills not to mention his high a** child support) and he can't qualify!

So, for the daddys who are being "abused" and those new gfs who suffer through it with them--may God bless us because we sure do have it hard. I can't wait for the day when the legal system stops helping these "welfare mommas" who don't want to work and use the money for a more useful purpose.

Answer 6

I wish that more people would consider joint custody. That way, both parents share equally in the expenses and equally in the time they are with the child. Unfortunately, most men really don't want to take care of their own kids 3.5 days a week. If your wife has to work outside of the home 5 days a week, she would have to pay about $600 per month just for day care. However, if you took the child half the time, then her expenses would be cut and you wouldn't have to pay any child support. Why don't you talk to your wife about doing joint custody.

Answer 7

I agree with you. I have never received a dime of child support from my ex. I remarried a man that has 2 kids from a previous marriage. His ex went and claimed he wasn't paying child support because one day she woke up and decided she didn't like the agreement in the divorce papers (he was to make her car payment and pay the insurance). Even though she dropped the case it took us three months to straighten out the matter. And even then she never missed an opportunity to remind him that he wasn't paying the full amount, the car payment and insurance added up to about $60 less than the amount of child support ordered. The entire time she is complaining about money she has new clothes and her nails are done but the kids' shoes are too small for their feet and they don't have winter coats. We have custody now and she acts like she can hardly pay $200 a month for child support. We went for 6 months without seeing a dime from her. So yeah, I agree with you entirely.

Answer 8

Take a calm-down pill! Of course you don't want to listen to reason, you're too angry. It's funny how men want to walk away and forget all about their responsibilities. Oh, I love you, I love you, I love you......until the sex is over. If merchants would lower prices for divorced women, then, yes, $600.00 a month would be enough--if it was 1950 and not 2007. How old is the child? Needs daycare if not old enough to be left alone. Your ex-wife did the child care as part of the marriage, but strangers aren't obligated to do it for free, they want big bucks, and she can't be in two places at the same time. Read any horror stories about daycare lately? Good ones cost big bucks, too.
Can't understand why she doesn't want the kids around your girlfriends? same reason why you don't want the kids around her boyfriends. You two are going to be interacting for a long time to come, wouldn't it be better to carry out your committment to the child? At least treat your ex-wife with common courtesy. If she doesn't let you see the child and there's visiting rights, see your lawyer. She has to abide by the court order the same as you.
And, no, I won't turn on my e-mail for you to bash and swear and harrass me. Angry people aren't rational, and I haven't let my brains fall out of my head. Now, take a deep breath and get a grip on yourself.

Answer 9

Im giving you a star for this one and am not going to bash you. I agree with you 175%. I do not understand why women do this, i probably never will. Its not always the case though of the man not wanting the woman, part of the cases are women that dont want the man.
For example, my husband and his ex. He loved her, thought she was the world, she was screwing his best friend while he was at work, kicked hubby out and moved BF in with in the week. Went to court, got full custody, he has visitation with 24 hours notice any time, he pays his child support, she takes him to court for cost of living, more child support....on and on. While she has a job, her BF has a job and is receiving CS from his es wife, both receive the "baby bonus" for all of the children and the child support my husband pays. He asks for his kids, nope they are busy, we are going out of town, we have things to do. She kept the kids from him for 7 years, in the last year he has asked for the children every week, he has saw them 4 times--one visit had to be with her so she could supervise.
I dont think it is right. I think they should put the child support payments into an account for the child, both parents should contribute equally to this account. When the child is 18 s/he can do whatever THEY want with the money not what mom sees fit, as her judgement is mostly cloudy and self absorbed.
Good luck and very good point!!!

Answer 10

Human nature my friend

Just like some men out there are right gits

there are some women who should not be allowed to have custody of a dog.

Remember though that not all people are the same. A lot of women can be extremely reasonable to the father of their children.