I have been involved with him for 9 years. Not married, no kids. I have officially begun to think he has a serious personality disorder. He will tell me that people in the family say not so flattering things about me, which he spins into I embarass him with the way I act. I am not cheating, and I only have one or two friends that I am really close with. I see my best friend 2 or 3 times a week for a few hours at a time, and he says that is too much and it takes away from "our time". I think that is ridiculous. He has a gambling problem and spends about 40 hours a week at a casino playing poker. I catch him in lies (sometimes very small, so small it doesn't even matter) and sometimes big. When I confront him, he spins it so I look crazy. 9 years of this has really taken a toll on me. Now that I am finally going to leave for good, how do I get myself back?
2007-07-12 01:57:20 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have been trying to find a counselor that I like. Its a trial and error thing so far, but I am on Lexapro which is supposed to help with anxiety and depression.
2007-07-12 02:10:41 · update #1
You will, trust me, its hard at first...you have to learn who you are all over again. OOOOOHHHH, but its so worth it. It helps to get involved in hobbies and activities.
Sometimes, you will feel lonely and want to relaps, but just hang on to the freedom...those small moments will pass.
I still get lonely and wish I had a special man in my life, but I would never compromise my self esteem and respect to have one, ever again. Good luck to you.
2007-07-12 02:02:42 · answer #1 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you need to get off the medicine. You have no reason to feel bad or to feel ashamed or anything like that because you were with a man that cared more about his gambling than about you. We all make mistakes, we all end up in the wrong relationship and those are there to help us grow and to make us learn about life. What kind of person were you before you met him, were you happy, confident, going through life happy. then get back to that person. Everything he said to you was through his eyes not yours. That was HIS perception of you, and by the way I don't see anything that perfect in him. So don't worry about what he thought, just get yourself up and tell yourself that you're not the only one.
I might suggest that you read a very good book called
In the meantime by Iyanla Vanzant. It is a great book that teaches you about how to be yourself, learn about yourself, live by yourself and learn what it is that YOU want for YOU not for anybody else.
So get out there, breathe the fresh air and Thank God that you finally got the strength to leave him. That right there took a lot of strength...Keep your head up, you did nothing wrong.
Good luck
2007-07-12 02:18:25 · answer #2 · answered by johanne 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hear you at the instant are not the single that desires to regain your self admire. it is your cheating husband. you probably did no longer something incorrect. remember that. proceed on alongside with your friends, relatives contributors, and coworkers. connect a club, get energetic in a church, volunteer someplace or clean a closet. you will recover from it. some years from now once you're in a spectacular relationship, you will ask your self why you ever felt this type. rather. you're a similar spectacular person. you merely chosen a bum for a husband.
2016-10-01 10:52:02 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it will take some time but it will happen when you least expect it. you just have to be more selective in the future; at this point you probably know what to look for with the posessiveness and manipulation. some of us are jealous, and would prefer you didn't spend any time takling to guys at all, but after 9 years it isn't as though this friend popped up overnight either, so he should know as much.
2007-07-12 02:08:40 · answer #4 · answered by collard greens with hash browns 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you may need to spend some time alone. Commit to being by yourself so you can focus on yourself and taking care of yourself. It helps not to be distracted by another relationship. I've read books that were great for me, like Max Lucado's Facing your Giants and T.D. Jakes Repositioning Yourself. They start your mind thinking in a different way and then you find yourself walking taller and feeling better.
2007-07-12 02:01:10 · answer #5 · answered by shellylori 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is very selfish and self centered. Leaving him is your first step to regaining your self esteem and respect. The rest will come with time or may be when you start doing things for yourself and others or a job satisfaction.
2007-07-12 02:03:44 · answer #6 · answered by Dolia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to a counselor. They will help give you the tools to rebuild your self esteem and respect. Plus, it gives you the opportunity to let out everything that you have had bottled up inside for so long.
2007-07-12 02:02:20 · answer #7 · answered by bluemysti 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You women who get into these long relationships with these loser guys kill me.
If all you want or wanted was the sex, just have a sex buddy on the side until you find yourself a real guy, don't blow away 9 and 10 years of your life on crap like this.
Life is just tooo short to waste that kind of time.
2007-07-12 02:02:56 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, the first step was definitely leaving this unhealthy relationship. Now, go out and expand your circle of friends. Get involved in hobbies and projects that you enjoy. And most of all...Smile...things are going to get better :)
2007-07-12 02:14:21 · answer #9 · answered by Scott O 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
start doing the things you used to before you met him.....hang with your friends more often than you usually do now....go see your own family members or the ones that you were really close with at one time before...think about your life before you had this one....just retrace your roots...what your trying to regain you already have back.....you just need to make that final move once you do just hang out and have fun
2007-07-12 02:17:29 · answer #10 · answered by capricorn-saturn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋