To divorce? Or not to divorce? Wife would rather sleep with the dogs, than with me.?

Question

I'm serving overseas and she allows our daughter to do what she pleases, spoiling her; she has no job, she's drop out of college and does nothing every day. Those are the two things we argue about the most; her spoiling our daughter allowing no discipline, and our 7 dogs running rapant in our filthy house. She knows my intent; I'm having to remind her countless times to keep the house clean, no more dogs, and encourage our daughter to either find a job or go back to school. I get no phone calls, or letters, and when she does send me a box every blue moon, no note or letter wishing me well, or any hint of encouragement, or how much she misses me. Very cold, very distant relationship. Married now for over 20 years, so please don't tell me a marriage counselor is your answer. Am I wrong for putting up with this crap?! I think it's time for me to end the marriage! What think you???

Answer 1

You answered your own question sweetie. Sounds like you haven't been in a real marriage for a while. Get out and save your sanity. You sound like a great guy that's been taken advantage of. Get out and find someone that knows that marriage is a partnership, knows hoe to use a broom and soap, and knows that a dogs place is on the floor!! As far as your daughter is concerned, let both of them stay together, it sounds like they're cut from the same cloth anyway!!

Answer 2

Time to roll out buddy, why waste anymore time on this, it's gone way past bedtime. I'm 44 and I have a 15 year old, I am raising her to be a responsible adult and to be a good wife and mother when the time comes, and the most important lesson of all for children is SETTING A GOOD EXAMPLE. Dogs, filth, spoiled child, no job . . .she's got serious issues, and you'll be miserable trying to stay and change things, cause we both know change comes from within, and if she's not going to make a move, then the balls in your court.. start packing buddy.

Answer 3

I think that you are too far away from her and the situation to make this major of a decision after 20 years of marriage. You have to be at home with your family to make this decision. You said what it's like now, but what is it like when you are at home. Something made you stay with this woman for 20 years, obviously. And because you are isolated, probably a little sad and uncomfortable in your environment and frustrated, you're not able to make a coherent decision. When you get home, then you'll be able to make a better decision. I'd wait until then to really decide what to do. Remember that you're time away is painful to the whole family, you don't go through it alone.

Answer 4

I think that if she's been like this for 20 years..... I'm curious why you put up with it for that long.

I also think that you're over seas and without knowing how long you've been away, its almost easier to point out whatever faults your wife has without being able to see what good qualities she has too.

I would suggest waiting till you come back from overseas. If you are right there with her and she is STILL cold and distant, than for sure the marriage is over. But, once you're back home, I am hoping that she turns it around and you guys are able to work it out.

Good luck to you.

Answer 5

tel her its time to find a job because if things dont change which you know they wont then she is going to need a job to fall back on.she likes having a place to live rent free with no attachments.tell her you are done being only a wallet to her and as soon as you can your getting a divorce.everyone needs to be loved and thanked for the things they do.god bless you for what you are giving up to be over there and not being able to raise your daughter.she is beng self centered and caring for no one but herself.life is to short to live alone when you are married.you need something to look forward to when you get home and a good home to go to.keep your head high and know that soon youll be on the right path even if its just you and your girl.youll find someone to respect you and all that you can do for them.most women are not uncarring like your wife and you will soon find the love you need.it took me 25 years to find the right man for me ,weve been married 3 months after some bad divorces before us.good luck and god will bless you for all you are doing for all of us here in the USA and you will be rewarded with a better life.

Answer 6

I am so sorry that you are not getting the support from your family while you are overseas AND to have to carry along with you the burden of knowing what is happening in your home.

Sometimes you just have to ask yourself "can I deal with this another year." If your answer is NO, then perhaps its time to move forward in life.

I wish you the best and thank you for serving overseas.

Answer 7

It sounds like your daughter is an adult. What kind of discipline does she need? She's an adult short of evicting the daughter neither you or your wife can do anything.

As for her being cold, well you are a military man, you don't deserve real love. You're probably not even capable of it. Let your wife go so she can find a real man.

Answer 8

Let your wife have the dogs. You can do better and the fact your serving overseas and have to put up with that crap when you come home, hell no!

Say, how do you know the dogs are running rampant in the house when you're supposed to be overseas?

Answer 9

Get legal advise before saying anything to the wife. She may be entitled to your 401 so there are things to consider since she's a stay at home mom. Having said that... You can't put a price on happiness. Get out while you can and enjoy life.
Best of luck to you.

Answer 10

Damn 7 dogs i bet that house is sooo nice....
anyway its up to you and what uyou are willing and able to put up with .. talk her into goingback to college so she can earn a livin on her own when you leave along with lessening your possibility of paying alimony ..and will lower your child support obligation
good luck
oh yah and married over 20 years kiss part of your retirement income good bye too