Is sacrificing happines, to stay in unhappy marriage for child sake?

Question

The father of the child is sacrificing happines only for child, but the marriage is real hell. Is ok for the child to live in that kind of enviroment, or is better to devorce and to have 2 normal parents, not to live in fighting enviroment.

Answer 1

For the children sake please get divorced and let them have two happy parents rather than two unhappy ones.

Answer 2

I agree with you - its not as easy as some people think! You don't really tell much about the marriage but there are some things you can do to improve your own prospects - you have to view your intention to leave as a future plan though and give yourself a specific amount of time to achieve these aims. First of all, you have to work out what is possible - can you get a house nearby at some point in the future so that your children can stay in the same school? If that is possible, how much money will you need for deposits, rental and that sort of thing. Get this research done. Are you able to get a part-time job at some point? Are their possibilities for childcare? Can you get benefits of any kind to help? All of these things need to be investigated. I suspect that your husband may be the controlling type and if thats the case, then you will need to be quite sneaky. If you do have any friends you can turn to, then you could ask them to find out stuff for you - otherwise, you should use the internet at the library or internet cafe but not the one at home (if he checks your history?). Working on your future will give you the strength to keep going - hope is your best weapon. Also, start your squirrel fund - even a few quid tucked away for your 'escape' will help you - it might be hard to hide it so make it odd amounts of change here and there - it will build up. Think also about your prospects - at some point you might have to support these children yourself - can you do any further education courses? Plan away, you will find things might be more possible than you thought! Good luck.

Answer 3

It is actually less damaging for a child to come from a divorced home than a home where fighting is constant, well at least according to some experts. It is probably even less damaging for a child to have divorce yet happy parents than a depressed parent. Unhappy parents can be damaging to a child's future relationships and even lowering the child's chances of success in life. Of course, we would then have to ask how much of this was due to inherited genetic traits that lean towards making the child become a miserable bastard like his father?

Answer 4

No, it is not ok for a child to be raised in a home where the marriage has turned sour and there's a lot of fighting going on. I strongly believe that a healthy and loving marriage is key to nurture a child. Divorce in good terms and stay civil with one another, and the child will be better off.

Answer 5

I think it's better to leave the marriage. Bad marriages affect kids more than we realise and he'll come to believe it's his/her fault for the unhappiness and that will cause all sorts of baggage. Divorce is hard for any child, but in the long run, they'll get over that a lot easier than the belief that they were the reason their parents were unhappy

Answer 6

You are not doing this child any favors! All you are showing the child is the perfect example of a dysfunctional relationship. Children learn from their parents and if you want your child to be truly happy you would make sure that you and the father are happy even if it means being apart. My parents tried this and trust me my life was sooooo much better once they split up.

Answer 7

No, it is not ok for a child to live in that environment. Contrary to popular belief, you should not stay in a bad relationship for the sake of a child. If the child is being raised in an unhealthy relationship, it will affect the way they grow up and will affect future relationships that they will have when they are adults.

Answer 8

Definitely divorce. I stayed longer than I should have thinking that it was best for my daughter. My ex also held that up and kept telling me he'd be totally out of her life if I went through with it. But I eventually did and realize that it was the best best best thing to do for everyone, including my ex who was so stubborn and insisted we stay together unhappy. My daughter didn't even know what a loving male/female relationship looked like. When I would hold hands with my new husband she freaked out. She didn't understand that we were showing each other affection by kissing or hugging or holding hands. She's finally learning what it's like to be loved and cared for and I thank God I got out when I did. Poor girl would have grown up confused and headed for many dysfunctional relationships cause that's what we were teaching her.

Answer 9

I stayed because of the personality of the father. He was violent and devious and to go with the kids would have been so destructive to me and the kids...and then if i had left only he would have corrupted them against me. Also i stayed as am a Catholic and thought that it was the right thing.. I was so wrong..if you are being abused the Church nor God wants you to be abused!! And my daughter is a nun and all of her people want to help me get my annulment..they know what he is like. So i stayed and kept my influence in their lives which was good for them . But if you don't have that kind of trouble...then i would leave for sure. My children use to beg me to divorce him when they got older. He wasn't physical but mental and just as bad. I doing it now..should have done earlier. My kids are happy for me! Sad tale but true and no matter the dream we have of what should be..the truth hurts but we have to face it and choose our decisions from the truth of life and not from our ideas of what should be. God bless you and yours.

Answer 10

When you are not happy, your child will pick up on that. They feel your stress and when you two fight it is even worse. It is far better to divorce or separate then to stay to gether for the sake of the child, heck! for the sake of the child you need to divorce or separate.

Answer 11

It's worse for a child to be raised in a hateful resentful environment than it is for the child to be raised by divorced parents. If you split now and try to be civil, you will be doing yuor child a favor.