I was with my ex for two years. We lived pretty much together but had two separate places. I then dumped her because she cheated on me. She said she cheated on me because we never actually lived together and because I didn't marry her within the two years.
I personally think it is a poor excuse to say you cheated on someone because they wouldn't marry you. She say's she wouldn't cheat if she's married. What do you think? I think she's full of sh!t. Marriage is much tougher than being boyfriend and girlfriend. What do you think?
2007-07-11 23:26:30 · 21 answers · asked by JC 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I didn't ask her to marry right away because one day she would tell me she wanted to travel the world and then the next day she would say she wanted to have kids. Keep in mind she's 30 years old
2007-07-11 23:50:07 · update #1
You are absolutely right on this. If she can't be faithful to you now, marriage isn't going to change her. There are plenty of good women out there for you, you should consider moving on. Good luck.
2007-07-11 23:31:13 · answer #1 · answered by Missy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Apparently there was no agreement or even an inherent understanding that you would marry her after living together for 2 years. So you can not be accused of going back on your words or dishonouring your commitment.
Technically she is probably correct in stating that you didn't live together. Living together implies staying under the same roof and not in different places. But that can never be an excuse for cheating. She was probably looking for marriage with you but never explicitly stated so. Or, her intentions were too vaguely expressed for you to comprehend. In cheating you, she was probably looking to set up a relationship with another guy whom she hoped to marry ultimately.
Hence, she probably wouldn't take recourse to cheating if she gets married, which is her ultimate objective. But the fact remains that she cheated on you and for which she is offering you lame excuses. So you are right in dumping her after all.
However, if you believe in forgetting and forgiving, you might take her back and even marry her some day. A mistake committed once can be excused in order to make one a better person for life. Especially, after you have punished her lapse by dumping her. But all that eventually depends on your attitude and also whether you consider her to be good enough as your wife after you decide to overlook her lapse.
Whether a man and wife relationship is tougher than a friendly relationship between a boy and a girl is dependent on individual perspective and outlook. Suffice it to say that any relationship demands a measure of commitment. She has failed to show her commitment as a friend.
2007-07-12 14:07:40 · answer #2 · answered by Modest 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think she's telling the truth about why she cheated. The fact that you wouldn't marry her indicates a lack of commitment on your part. My guess is her feelings of rejection made her susceptible to the affections of others.
The fact that she cheated is still wrong, though. Even though marriage is tougher than boyfriend/girlfriend, it does 'cement' the relationship, if you like. Maybe she felt she would never get that cement with you and began to take the relationship less seriously?
Anyway, something for you to consider.
Best wishes
Penny xxx
2007-07-12 06:44:36 · answer #3 · answered by Vanessa 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, who would know what really went on in her mind when she cheated except your ex. From what you've written she sounds like the sort of person who isn't ready to be tied down. Age has nothing to do with anything. Some people are never ready or take their time. You did the right thing by making her your ex - so why are you stressing over her? Leave it be and get on with your life. Just remember one thing, do not look on women unfavourably just coz one cheated on you. Not every woman is like that.
2007-07-13 10:17:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU CANNOT EAT THE CAKE & HAVE IT. You have a sort of live-in relationship, perhaps, without any commitments. There seems to be no respect for each other. It is better that you are not getting married. And you are right marriage is much more than being boyfriend-girlfriend. This is applicable to both of you and both of you are responsible for the kind of situation you are in.
Take Care...
2007-07-12 07:59:36 · answer #5 · answered by sharma.kulbhushan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think two years are sufficient to understand a man or a women. I will not comment who among both of you is right or wrong but you can't stay out of the marriage institute , one day or the other you will get married and will have to choose a life partner.
Why not she is absolutely right , sorry to say a girl has to take firm decisions in life span.
2007-07-12 06:51:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
U should not judge a girl after marriage, by her actions before marriage. She is right, she is not married, has no committement and cannot cheat u. She has never taken the vows of faithfullness with u.
If u really love her, don't judge her, marry her, treat her well, give her a lot of love, and I am sure she will not cheat on u.
2007-07-12 07:18:47 · answer #7 · answered by wizard of the East 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i agree, if she thought so little of u as to cheat prior to getting married, sure she may not cheat on u during the "giddy" stage of marriage, but after things got to a comfortable level and became more same ole same.. as all marriages do with time, it wouldnt of been enough for her and she would ultimately cheat on u again.
She is not mature enough to handle a real commitment and she proved it.. so dont let her blame u for her mistakes which is what she's trying to do, to feel better about herself..
2007-07-12 06:32:03 · answer #8 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if your in a relationship with someone and u cheat on them, there really is no excuse and we are all responsible for our choices, u can blame cheating on anything u want but its not the fault of the other person in the relationship its your fault, what happens when u do marry her and she doesn't get her way on something, will she cheat on u again. she sounds like a spoiled brat who makes bad choices. its all part of her character, she can say she won't cheat if u marry her, but i would not count on it as being true.
2007-07-12 06:32:26 · answer #9 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Agreed, marriage is a tough but regular thing whereas 'live-in relationships' don't stand anywhere near marriage. As such there is no question of cheating if there are no legal arrangements to take care.
2007-07-13 07:22:52 · answer #10 · answered by Mahesh R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are right. She cheated on you so you two should forget it. The relationship is not going to last. Marriage is not so bad but it is definitely not for you two. You can do better
2007-07-12 06:34:45 · answer #11 · answered by Ruth A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋