My mother and father have a very difficult situation. My dad is a CPA and does not make a ton of money, while my mom is a teacher (that is self explainatory). My dad did, however, receive a lot of money from inheritance. He keeps a separate account as well as a joint account. He does abuse this though; he is able to buy whatever he wants from his own account for himself, while leaving little in the joint account. There is a constant struggle over balancing the checkbook/ bouncing checks. Before, my mom would dump all she made into the joint account, leaving her with very little for herself. Now, she has opened her own account with the little amount she can save, but my dad bitterly wants her to put everything into the joint account. My parents have been on the brink of divorce for a long time and only have stayed together for me, and I wish to know how to understand who is at fault. THanks for any help...
2007-07-11 20:29:11 · 5 answers · asked by dudebcoolio 1 in Politics & Government ➔ Law & Ethics
It sounds like money isn't the real problem between them, it's just an easy "target". My husband makes substantially more than I do, and we share. Though I can generally buy what I want within reason, any large purchases are always discussed.
I do know happily married couples that keep separate accounts because that's just what works for them.
Also, if someone has some bad spending habits or credit issues, I don't think it's unreasonable to keep things separate until those issues are resolved - especially if it causes friction in an otherwise great relationship.
2007-07-11 20:40:20 · answer #1 · answered by seweccentric 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well - there is no set in stone answer to the main question, because every couple is different.
In your mom and dad's situation - he's a heel. As for fault in a divorce hon, you can't blame one or the other. Your dad is being a jerk regarding the money, and financial woes can stifle even the strongest relationship - teaching is a noble and underpaid profession, and there should not be a struggle to pay bills - especially if your father has ready access to cash to "do as he pleases" while everyone else is struggling to make ends meet.
I'm horrified that they've involved you in their financial affairs - that's wrong on both sides.
Don't look to place blame. It's a train wreck from any angle. Love them both but distance yourself from the trouble, it's neither your concern nor your fault.
2007-07-11 21:32:51 · answer #2 · answered by pepper 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Agree with what the above poster said it sounds like a symptom of a bigger problem within the marriage.
It is up to the couple and what works best for them, but in this case it sounds like your father as he is being selfish for not sharing his inheritance with her.
It is unreasonable for her to dump everything she makes into a joint account if he is not willing to share money he didn't earn (but inherited) with her and for what is best for the family.
Marriage is a partnership and it sounds like he only wants that when it is beneficial to him...it could be he is withholding this due to some other perceived wrong in the marriage, or he may have always been this way and the inheritance just magnifed or exacerbated the situation.
What Dad needs to do is wise up and consider if she does decide to divorce him, she could end up with half of everything he owns if they live in a community property state.
2007-07-11 21:12:12 · answer #3 · answered by bottleblondemama 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have ask a very good question and the question many families argue over. MONEY!!!! My wife and myself have three accounts. Mine, hers, and ours. We help each other in our finical situations when we are in a bind. She has her bills. I have my bills. The joint account goes for just the extras we want to do. There has to be sharing in a relationship in all aspects or failure will soon become reality. If what is going on with your family teaches you anything it should be that sharing, trust, and love are the three major ties that bind people together
2007-07-11 20:51:57 · answer #4 · answered by Chancy H 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Both.
Shared pool for bills.
Smaller pool for joint purchases for them and the family (New car, etc.)
Smaller pools for spending money for mom and dad. From this money mom and dad can buty the toys they want, NO questions asked by the other spouse.
2007-07-11 20:47:13 · answer #5 · answered by Atavacron 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋