About to have a mental break down due to an affair. I need help badly, ASAP! What do I do?

Question

Help me, plz! I think I'm about to have a mental break down! 1st off, I'm married and have had 2 affairs. One of them is also married but, unlike me, he has 3 kids(twin 2 y/o boys and a 1 mo old girl). I know we can never be any more than sex partners but, I am so stressed. I feel so sick when I see pics of his wife and kids on his webpage. They all look so happy and clueless and it makes me sick that I am doing this to them and at the same time I get so jealous of wifey and just want to laugh because she has no clue then I start crying and get upset. I know I should stop this affair(it's been going on since last October) but, I hear his voice, see his cute smile, look into his beautiful green eyes and I just go weak. I know this isn't fair to either of our spouses. Hubby and I have a rocky marriage, anyways but, he says him and wifey are very much in love. He just wants a piece of @$$ on the side. How can do this if he is "very much in love"??? Also, how do I get help with my emotions?

I know that there is no love between this man and I. I am not looking for false emotions here.
Part of me... most of me says stop this affair right now but, then I think of him and just can't imagine not seeing him. Not talking to him and I think I can't deal with losing him in any sense. Why am I so messed up???
I want to work on things with hubby and try to fix what's left of our marriage but, then I think of this other guy and I think all I want is to be with him or to talk to him.... WHY???

Answer 1

Please get some help for your mental breakdown. Once that has calmed, you need to come clean to your spouse and his. They need to know the truth so that they can decide what they want to do from there.

Answer 2

First of all you should have been trying to save your marriage before you started an affair.

His poor wife and kids are at home thinking that they have the perfect life while you and he are out having an illicit affair. Don't you find this to be a little bit selfish. Neither of you are respecting the vows that you took. He is getting a piece on the side to boost his ego, and you are living a life of guilt. For what? You do realize that eventually your kids will be hurt by this don't you? This is a self destructive venture. You are bound to lose, one way or the other. What happens when this guy finds another woman to take your place? Believe me he will, because he found you to take his wife's place when he got bored with her. How are you going to feel then--like an old worn out shoe.

Quit allowing this man to use you, and making excuses for your lack of moral character. If you still love your husband, try to get counseling. If you do not love your husband, leave and find someone that will make you happy for a lifetime, not just for a few moments at a time.

Answer 3

ask yourself why you started having the affair in the first place, and its not the first, do you no how many hearts are going to be hurt because of this???? the best thing to do is end ALL the affairs, stop sleeping around on your husband get yourself checked for STD and AIDS sorry if this sounds hard but it need to be said and done!!! look if your not happy with your husband then leave meet a single man and try and be happy, BUT STOP THE AFFAIRS NOW B4 ITS TO LATE PLEASE, have some self respect, if the shoe was on the other foot how would you feel??? I'm sorry but people like you don't have emotions a heart of stone yes but emotions no.. think of the kids the instant ones in all of this, blunt as all that i am i still do care how your feeling, i would hope there is a councilor out there that can help u through this and maybe get you back on track, try and talk to a councilor NOT A FRIEND NOT A FAMILY MEMBER cause they always let slip, councilor is your best chance, good luck with this one... sorry if i was a bit strong my ex-wife and new girl-friend both had affairs on me and it still hurts.......

Answer 4

Ok - first step is acknowledging that you have a problem and here you go.

Second step is to walk forward.

What do you want?

Do you want to make your marriage work?

Do you want to feel better about yourself?

Right now, I see you as having very low self esteem. This man's attention makes you feel wanted, even if it's only on the sexual level. You feed off of the idea that you are a secret and that you have a piece of him that his wife cannot. You also, however, see this as not being a part of who you want yourself to be, and it revolts you.

Do you want to make this marriage work? It's going to take A LOT of WORK to do, but it CAN be done.

You are going to have to face the facts that your husband may leave you because of this. But if you want to be someone who can look themselves in the mirror and smile, then this could be the price to pay.

Get a personal therapist, get a marriage counselor. It's time to face the real issues that are rumbling under the surface. There are reasons you are escaping from your marriage and doing something that is hurting you.

You need to end the relationship with this man. It's not making you feel better, and it honestly doesn't make him feel better. (Although he is also in denial).

It is going to take a lot of time, and a lot of pain. But it will be healing pain, mending the wounds you have and the ones you have caused. It won't be the poisonous pain you feel now hating yourself.

You deserve to love yourself, and to be loved... but for the right reasons. You are not an evil person, you have made mistakes. You can't make the mistakes go away, but you can change the reasons for why you made them.

In the end you will have your dignity and your self love back. You could even have your husband back and be in a marriage where each partner loves and respects the other.

The other man needs to do the same for his wife. It's not right to mess with him, especially because of those innocent children.

He doesn't love either you or his wife or he wouldn't do this to either of you. He is treating you both like garbage.

I hope this wasn't too harsh - I just don't want to coddle you. I hope this may help you onto a better path (that will start off painful, but will get better, I promise.)

Best wishes to you.

Answer 5

You are one insecure person first off, your married, what are you doing ? If you think this man is going to leave his wife and family for you, your badly mistaking, he's not. You need to worry about working on your own marriage and leave the other man alone. The feelings you have for this other man you've had for your husband at one time or another or you would not have gotten married to him. The worse thing a person can do is have an affair with someone who has children, I say if you want to wreck your life that's your business, if you can not find your own security in your own marriage, find someone like a marriage counciler but, don't drag another woman with a family and children into your web. And you have children or even a child just think what it would be like for them to grow up without Mom and Dad together as they grow older, you think it won't affect them? Your WRONG, it WILL. You both should be ashamed for what your doing for your selfish selves. If you think this will never be brought up, your wrong. Every time you do something wrong, believe me it's like a ball of yarn, it WILL eventually unravel.

Answer 6

One of the sad things about some marriages is that the partnres have other lovers on the side. Sometimes it goes on for years, no one knows about it unless they get careless and caught. The reasons/excuses why people do this vary a lot. You must decide if you need the extra attention and sex, or are you just vulnerable? A lot of people will be hurt in the end when it comes to light of day.

Answer 7

Obviously, He and wifey are not happy. If they are it is because he is stepping out and she is for now clueless. WIth 2 yrs old twins and 1 month old she is clueless because she is so busy. and exhausted. She will realize his deceit and it will catch up to him. My sympathy for her.

My sympathy for you too. You are missing something and are trying desperatly to find it. Looking in all the wrong places. He doesn't have it. Actually, no one does .it is you that can heal you. You must make the decision to end this. It will end. you know it. Best you end it be enpower and decide wheather you will save your marriage or move on . Happiness will elude you. When you find love again he will not be wearing someone elses ring. Don't wait.

Answer 8

I am so sorry to say Darl but you are just a booty call.
There are no feelings and will be no feelings for you on his behalf, and I know that is harsh and I am not trying to upset you anymore than you already are.
You need to move on, and get on with your own relationship. If your husband isn't making you happy (and he clearly isn't) then you need to leave him. And let him find someone who will love him un-conditionally and treat him with respect.
For once you need to think about others and not yourself, and for the emotional pain you are experiencing you need to seek some professional help, otherwise it is going to eat you up inside :)

Answer 9

O get a grip. Dont tell your hubby a thing. Dump the boyfriend. Get tested for some std's. In the future, keep your legs closed. Everyone has emotions, thats why there are therapists. good-luck.

Answer 10

You need to tell his wife. It is not fair for her not to know, because if it wasn't you it would be someone else, and that is risking her health. She has kids to think about, she dosen't need some STD from that jerk. That way it will be her decision, whether she wants to stay and work things out or bail on the bastard.

Answer 11

Don't be fooled in thinking that his wife doesn't know. a wife always knows. she just does not know who you are just yet.. why would you put a family in the middle of your mess. there are children involved why would you do this? you deserve what is happening to you. You should reconsider what you are doing. if you continue this will only make things worst for everyone involved.