Has your husband ever called you a *****? Repeatedly? Or hit you?

Question

If you hit your husband, should he hit you back? What if HE did something stupid and pissed you off so you were being hateful because you were upset and instead of trying to talk about it HE gets even more pissed and calls you a *****?

My husband lied to me about a girl he was talking to online..said they never dated, but they did (she messaged me and told me). (this isn't the whole story, but it just topped off a horrid month..read my other ??'s) I was upset so I didn't make dinner (which he never goes a night without a hot meal) and didn't wash his work clothes. SO, when he was looking for something to eat after waking up late (because I didn't wake him like his mommy) I was laughing and he said "what are you laughing at, *****?" This is, ohh, about the 2382398 time he's called me that this week.

I HATE MEN.



Also, I'm normally a very mature person.. so please, no "grow up" comments. Thanks.

Answer 1

Domestic violence isn't only physical. This has the opportunity of escalating into a serious situation. My advice is to get out of this now. You will be much better off without this in your life.

It can go both ways. Neither of you should be hitting each other. Period.

Answer 2

No. If my husband repeatedly called me a *****, then I would do us both a favor and leave the relationship. Also, the first time he ever hit me would be the last time b/c I'd never put up with that.

(Of course, my husband would never do that, thank god. And, of course, I show him the same courtesy.)

It sounds like the two of you have issues that run much deeper than what you've mentioned in this question. I know you were venting here, and I haven't had a chance to look at your other questions yet. But I hope at a minimum that you're considering counseling.

Answer 3

Any relationship in which violence and name calling feature as daily occurences is not a healthy one for either party. Maybe it's time for you to sit down and ask yourself what it is you are so angry about? Of course it's normal to be upset if your husband deceives you, but it sounds to me like he may have deceived you BECAUSE he feared you would become even angrier. And his reaction to your legitimate concern ~ he gets angry and slaps you around. This is a very sad, and dangerous, situation. Frankly, you both sound ready to explode! What's behind it all? Why are you not enjoying the happiness that the friendship and comradeship of married life can bring? It sound like there is a lot of passion in your relationship, but that something has gone wrong so that instead of being expressed as joy and some roaring good times, it is being expressed as anger and hurt. Please consider speaking with a couples counsellor, or at least each other, if you want to save your relationship. If you no longer care ~ get out of there fast, before it ends with the cops and courts, or even worse. Good luck :-)

Answer 4

You're both abusing each other and this is very unhealthy. You should seriously consider separation before things escalate into something worse. The more he lies, name calls and hits, the more angry and resentful toward him and men you'll become. This isn't good because there are good men out there and you deserve to be happy with or without a man. Get help. Talk to somone, do some soul searching and find out why you're allowing yourself to go through this. He needs to get help too then you can decide where to go from there. God bless.

Answer 5

It sounds as if neither of you have respect for each other anymore. Respect is the #1 basic in a relationship, any relationship.

My husband called me a ***** once. We have known each other for 25 yrs and been married 4 and it will never happen again. No matter how angry we are we always show each other respect.

You need to take a breath and ask him if he wants to work to save your marriage. If he does you both need to get help and somehow find your way back to each other with some ground rules.

Good luck!

Answer 6

OK I know this was intended for the ladies but I have a con fession to make you see i used to call my wife a ***** and beat her over the stupidest little things . I have been in Iraq for a year now and I have thought of the pain i caused her every day that I have been here . I was such a fool for doing those things . I have been going to counseling for my anger . I also have realized how much she means to me . I will never raise my voice or my hand to her agian . It is my prayer that she can somehow find it within herself to forgive me .

Answer 7

If you are normally mature then you need to act like it. This is a situation that you have been put in and need to make a mature "grown up" decision about.

If you were really mature, you would not stand for being called a ***** or him cheating on you...or hitting you (wherever that came it).

Grow up and get out.

Answer 8

No he needs to "grow up". Marriage is not supposed to be like that! You should probably leave him, and I never recommend that! Maybe even a short separation would help ease the tension he has toward you. I would also say marriage counseling, but it's hard to get the man to do that. You deserve SOOOO much better. Don't wast your life on someone like this. Even if it breaks your heart now, your heart will be fuller than ever later when you meet someone who will respect you and treat you right. And no my husband will never call me a b**ch. I was with a guy like your describing and it did turn violent in less than a year. Please be careful.

Answer 9

"I hate men" is a statement that I'd expect a first grader to expect to be reprimanded for...not something a "mature adult" should even be thinking.

that being said, I wouldn't have married a man who would even THINK about hitting me in a violent way. I'm an extra large woman and I took pride in walking away from boyfriends who called me a B, thought I should wait on them hand and foot, etc. I was 34 when I finally married, and he's awesome!

Answer 10

If you don't want to be hit, don't hit him. Why do some women think it is okay to slap their man, but then they scream "abuse" when he hits back. Sorry, but in this case you're wrong to hit him. It is abuse when you hit him.

That being said, there is no way you should tolerate him calling you nasty names. And it sounds like he is trying to divert the questions you have regarding his actions by attacking you. A classic sign he is hiding something. You need to examine your relationship closely, do you really want to keep worrying about who he's chatting with and what he's up to? He's lied to you once, and likely will do it again.