Pregnant and scared-father wants to take me to court?

Question

I am 14 weeks pregnant now and so worried. My friend and I had sex and I am now pregnant. I am very happy about this but I am scared because of my friend. Ever since I found out he has changed and is so mean to me now. He calls me things like whore and **** and says the baby isn't his. He also is into alot of drugs and is very verbally abusive to me. He says he is going to take me to court for custody but I really don't want him to have anything to do with the baby now that he has changed so much. He has done some things lately that scare me and I will do anything to protect my baby from being mistreated as well. I haven't said anything to him about this because I am scared of him now. What are my chances of gaining full sole custody of my baby. I feel that this would be the right thing for the child and myself.

Answer 1

You need to keep documentation of EVERYTHING that happens between the two of you that might be signifigant. If he gets abusive towards you call the police, have a report filed, and get and keep a copy for yourself. If you are truly afraid and he verbally threatens or tries to hit or hurt you then go to your local court house and take an Order of Protection.
As far as custody of the child, it will be born into your full custody and also, don't put his name on the birth cert.
If he takes you to court, which I doubt because most fathers don't want to bother, then bring all the evidence you have collected and be honest, tell the judge you don't feel comfortable with him having anything to do with the baby.
As long as you don't ask for child support and he never files for custody then the baby will be in your full custody.
One other thing, as a precaution if you think he may just get some sort of custody of the baby, breastfeed. Very few judges will take a nursing baby away from its mother.

Answer 2

It sounds like you have a great chance at custody if you can prove all this in court. So far as when you have the baby they usually don't take children away from the moms as newborns (Dad's can bottle feed NOT breastfeed, which you can argue is a good reason for you to keep the baby.)

Either way you need to protect yourself and get away from this guy. He sounds horrible and I would consider a restraining order. You do however need to know that he needs to sign the birth certificate for you to get child support but it might be better for him to just not be involved. Also if he is so insistent the baby isn't his why is he saying he is going to take custody?

If you think that he is just lashing out because he doesn't know what to do, you can TRY counseling (if not together just go by yourself). A counselor can help you SO much (I went to a counselor when I was pregnant and got wonderful advice)

Whatever happens, I hope you have a healthy baby and wish you the best of luck.

Answer 3

ok you need to get a tape recorder first. You need a good one. Hide it in the room where you guys spend the most time together and where most of the verbal abuse is happening. Do not tell him and make sure it is a place where he cannot see it. Also you need to keep a secret journal where u document dates and times and what happened when he does this. If he is around you for the drug use or comes over while he is high you also need to document this. A judge is going to look at all the evidence if he takes you to court and it is going to look like you have more proof than he does. Judges like things documented even if there is no witness they are more convinced when things are wrote down as they happen. I would look into organizations for abused women and see what they can do to help you and the baby. Most will move you secretly and pay for the apartment for a while so u can get on your feet. It is important that you get out of the relationship quietly before he moves on to physical abuse.

Answer 4

Keep your phone messages, texts, and emails from him. You can use those to your advantage in court- especially if he's being abusive.

If you have any pics of him doing drugs etc- save those too- obviously thats not a good environment for a baby.

Your chances of getting 100% custody are pretty high since youre the mother- especially if you can show that you have a safe environment for the baby, and financial stability.

My husband is in the Marines, and his exwife gave birth to our daughter under the influence of meth while he was in Iraq. He was able to come home from Iraq- get full custody, leave her with his aunt as a foster parent (deemed by the state) and the courts want no contact between the exwife and our daughter (im raising her- so shes MINE!)

Point is- the courts want whats in best interest for the child.

Side note: If he gets visitation- and youre exclusively breastfeeding, no extensive or overnight visitations are allowed.


and if he really is scaring you- talk to the police about getting a restraining order. im pretty sure that if youve got one, theres no way the courts are going to give him custody.

Answer 5

Just don't have his sign the birth certificate for one. And even if he still signs the paper work I don't think any judge would allow him full custody considering that he does drugs. No judge in their right mind would do that to a child or a mother. Another thing you can do is start trying to get proof that he does does, or try recording him when he is verbally abusing you, and keep it for future references, that is if he does take you to court. Just be sneaky about it because i am sure he won't want to say anything if he knows he is being recorded. If you can, try and get him to admit during that time that he is using and misusing drugs. With that you might even be able to get supervised visitations, so that he is never able to be alone with your baby. Threatening you in anyways allows you to get a restraining order as well. Which will show that if he is a danger to you, he is possibly a danger to your child as well.

For some father's that may be a bit extreme but us mothers have to do what we can in order to protect our children. Good luck and I know you will be able to have full custody of your child.

Answer 6

To be perfectly honest, he sounds like a total loser. To even sue for visits with the baby, he actually has to work & put effort into it, not to mention pay a lawyer in most cases. I highly doubt he'll put the effort into doing anything. He just likes to scare you because he knows saying he will take the baby will do that. And to even get sole custody, he would have to prove that you're unfit, which is quite a task to take on. Again, doesn't sound like this guy is willing to put much work into anything other than talk & scaring you.

That said, if you're scared, & it sounds like you have a right to be, I really suggest seeking a restraining order. If he is into illegal substances & angry, as he seems to be, plus he's verbally abusive, it could lead to something worse. Protect yourself, as well as your baby. That doesn't just start when your child is born, do it now. Change any phone numbers as well. And if he does break the order, call & report him. You need to be careful now, as well as firm, again, for you & your baby. Good luck.

Answer 7

if you are really scared then go to the police. If you need to take out an intervention order or anything that will go on his record, it certainly wont look good for him in a custody battle. If things are really that bad then do everything you can to make sure you and your child are both safe. Don't wait until the baby is born, report anything to the cops and keep a diary so that you are able to report accurately during the custody hearing

Answer 8

Legally speaking, this is a very tricky situation. You can (and probably should) name him on the birth certificate as the biological father. Now, if he should decide to take you to court, it will be very hard for him as he is not married to you to gain any type of custody, but could forced to undergo years of costly child support payments. On the other hand, if you just want him out of your life and out of the child's life, do NOT file him as the paternal father. That way, yes, even if he should take you to court, he will have to unddergo a costly court ordered DNA paternity test (which is most often considered hearsay and therefore non-admissable anyway) and you will be totally fine. If he scares you that bad now, PLEASE file a TRO against him with your local branch of the PD.

Answer 9

If he's got a drug problem your chances are very good of getting full custody. If he's threatening you with any harm, get a restraining order. Document anything he does, that way if you do go to court you have accurate notes about what happened.
Also look for advocates that can help you, check with local women's center or ask your ob.

best of luck.

Answer 10

Show the judge/jury proof on how you'll be a caring mother. Make sure you have the right money too. If your "friend" is really doing scary things to get the baby, then I'd get help. Also, if your "friend" doesn't want anything to do with the baby, why does he want custody? Good luck! Hope the judge/jury does the right thing.