I was spending the nite with my boyfriend and his daughter stood outside the bedroom door and offered to call the police to have me removed from the house because he and I were arguing. It was just a dis agreement and he had been drinking all evening with his son in law. I had to have heart surgery and I was upset that she was still going to be there when I got out of the hospital.
She lived with him for about a year with her husband and children. Claimed she could not make it financially, so she moved home about the 3rd time in 4 yrs. Bought all new appliances and a house.
I dislike her so much that I just dont go to his house when she is there and I try not to pay attention to her. I try very hard to keep it to myself. I have my own opinion about her and the way she manages to manipulate and live off her dad who works constantly makes me sick. I think its time for her to grow up, get a job and be an adult. Her dad has serious health issue
How do I deal with this? Is it me?
2007-07-11 14:19:00 · 14 answers · asked by happydawg 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She is not a kid. She is a woman who is 26 yrs old and married to a man who is over 30, and they are having a family together. A little old to be moving home.
He and I are not going to marry. We both have been married twice each and I dont really want to marry him, I would be very nervous about it. I nurse, so I make a lot of money and he does too. My kids pay their own bills. They live on their own and support themselves.
2007-07-11 14:34:06 · update #1
He does come to my house and would live with me, but I dont want him here all the time.. I have raised 2 kids alone and am really enjoying my freedom. My 19 yr old just moved out. Its great!!! I am certainly not an empty nester. Im going to live a little
2007-07-11 14:38:23 · update #2
It's definitely NOT you. The daughter is a manipulator and a mooch. Unfortunately, her dad is letting her do it. As long as he allows her to live with him, she will continue to disrupt both your lives, and obviously she would like to make you miserable enough to leave them both alone. The only way I can see to deal with the situation is this: either don't visit him anymore, he visits you; or, he moves HER OUT - for good. He is not doing anyone any favors by letting her stay with him and letting her act like this.
2007-07-11 14:31:41 · answer #1 · answered by Annie 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi,
I really do feel for you. Up until a couple of weeks ago, I found myself in a very similar situation with my husband. His 22 year old step-daughter (from a previous marriage) was living off of him...he and I live together and the girl lives in his house, doesn't pay rent and until recently, was unemployed and he was paying for everything from the cable bill to her social life. It got to the point where I just couldn't take it anymore because of her sheer lack of respect for him and also because of her jealousy towards me and my 4 year old.
After my husband and I both talked about it, he realised she needed to stand on her own two feet. She lives in his house with her boyfriend and it was just ridiculous. To be honest, I gave him an ultimatum....either make her pay her own way, or move back in with her. He chose to stay with me and now refuses to pay anything for her....that's the way it should be.
It's not you at all....some kids are just marvellous at manipulating their parents and it's usually between daughters and their fathers.
You need to make him see how much his daughter is coming between you....she's an adult and is about to start a family and yet, she can't keep her nose out of her fathers business. Maybe it might do you good to put some space between yourself and your boyfriend for awhile, especially given the fact that you're not feeling well right now. This added stress is not helping you.
This relationship has disaster written all over it....you're putting up with his manipulative daughter and then having to deal with drunken arguments from him....I think it's probably time you made a choice, as to whether these people are really worth your time and effort.
I wish you luck.
2007-07-12 09:19:54 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think there's anything you can do. This woman probably won't listen to anything you have to say, and since your boyfriend is her father...You're in a lose-lose situation. By the way, if he has serious health issues, why was he drinking all night?? Doesn't make much sense to me. Now since you are recovering from heart surgery, it's probably best that you focus on your health rather than stress out over a situation that you can't control.
2007-07-11 21:27:50 · answer #3 · answered by CrazyLove 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It could be you - at least a little. His time is sub-divided into time with you and time with her and since you care about him, you'll want your share. Also, you care about him and don't want him being treated badly so that's why you object to her behaviour.
But it could also be her - using and manipulating does happen.
Be careful - don't make him choose between the two of you because they are blood. You are wise to keep to yourself on this one. Your boyfriend may have his own reasons (good or bad) to put up with her bad stuff so you wlil probably just have to eat this one.
Love him lots when you are together and try not to get too stressed about her.
2007-07-11 21:28:54 · answer #4 · answered by banana6464 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have a choice...either deal with the daughter because you are dating the father. Sorry to disappoint you..she isn't going anywhere and Mr. ATM (her dad) is going to continue to take care of her. Its his daughter. So deal or move on. She know you don't like her and she don't like you either. The next question is what are you doing to do?
2007-07-11 21:32:07 · answer #5 · answered by DJ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its hard to not say something when you see stuff like this go on but you really do not have a say so its not your place, its his adult kid and its his home and if you really cant take it I would ask him to come over your house to avoid his daughter ......
2007-07-11 21:34:59 · answer #6 · answered by Renee 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When I was dating, I had choices of whether or not to date men with kids or men without kids. I chose men without for this very reason. Maybe you need to make better choices for your life. This isn't a confortable situation for you and is causing you a great deal of stress which you don't need.
2007-07-11 21:26:47 · answer #7 · answered by Sondra 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're not his wife, so it's really none of your business. If you can't come to terms with her, then I don't see much of a future for your relationship with her dad. Sorry, but dating a guy kids with (even if they're grown) is a package deal.
2007-07-11 21:24:29 · answer #8 · answered by Magaroni 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
YOU are not his wife, YOU don't own his home. If HE is willing to put up with HIS daughter the way she is YOU have nothing to say about it. So I suggest you move on and enjoy your freedom.
2007-07-12 05:29:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You sound exactly like my best friend.....she can't stand her bf's adult children. I tell her all the time.....you accept them as they are OR you quite. They will always be his children, no matter if they are right or wrong he won't change and they won't change. You can't live your life in constant battle over the children.
2007-07-11 21:29:46 · answer #10 · answered by Jane Marple 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋