BF ended relationship bc of church/marriage- wants me to "wait" for him?

Question

So My husband left me and our daughter after he "decided" that he was not ready for marriage... A few months later I met my boyfriend.. we very casually dated.. but it soon became seriouse.. We truly had a perfect relationship. Neither of us would have changed a thing, and looked forward greatly to getting married and starting a life together. Then. His church got wind that he was dating a woman who was still married (Me and my X are filed, but theres a lot of issues to bang out). He has now decided after 10 months of dating me, that we need to take a "break" until my divorce is final. I am so hurt by this, he didnt have this thought in his head until his minister confronted him. I dont know how to "wait". I dont know how to see him every week and talk to him and not kiss him or feel love for him. I just cant seem to stop crying because it just hurts that hes chosen this NOW. NOW after 10 months he has a "religion" check...

Answer 1

Chances are this relationship won't work out for you. It is not about being with him, it is about being hooked on him.

If he was doing drugs, and then woke up and realized drugs were wrong, would you be mad because he realized he had a problem?

If you are not tolerating his "religion check" then you don't respect him or his beliefs. If he were asking what he should do, I would tell him that he should never have been involved with a married woman in the first place. And his best bet would be to dump you.

If you really love him -- check out his church. Start taking classes through the church and join it. If you don't believe in it and in him, your relationship is past doomed.

Answer 2

He's right for leaving you. ,...you are still MARRIED!!!!!!!!

Regardless of how you feel, What BOTH OF YOU were doing is wrong plain and simple.

Besides, What's in it for him? Your husband can come back into your life and he's outta there!

The priest put his life back on track and I can understand you're upset.

I think He's a stand up guy, I give him credit because a regular prick would still be sleeping with you. Married is Married whether you are filing or separated. It's usually the outsider be it male or female that winds up in the cold until the divorce is final.
I know because I've been there. After that, if a woman tells me the are separated I treat her like someones wife,.....off limits

I'm not a very religeous person but his priest was right on with this one.

Answer 3

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Answer 4

Let's make one assumption here. That when he says that he needs to take a "break", it is because he is being honest with you and that your unfinished divorce is the reason.

One thing you might want to consider is a religious second opinion. While he obviously has a great deal of respect for his minister, his minister does not have a monopoly on morality or how God sees things.

You might want to tell him that you understand his concerns about his church, and that you want to help him through this. Maybe the two of you can go to another minister in a nearby town and get his opinion.

However, be careful. The next minister may tell him the exact same thing.

I wish you well.

Answer 5

I am sorry to hear you are feeling so sad...It's tough to feel this way...

I guess you'd be wise to think things over right now....This guy has some serious religious issues he has to deal with; and unfortunately for you he has decided to work on them while you are there waiting.... I think he must be confused and he needs time to decide what he really wants...But he's hurting you badly now. Perhaps this is God's way of telling you to take things slowly, too....Sometimes things happen and we don't know why until years later!

Perhaps you could see what you can do to speed up your divorce, so it's final as soon as possible. And also, try to seek therapy or counseling so you can deal with this situation right now.

Sorry, but you cannot just let yourself fall into a depression and send everything to hell...You have a child to take care of and her well-being depends on her mother's physical, mental and emotional health...so take care of yourself now!
Good luck!

Answer 6

Why would your love or feelings change just because he wants to be true to his religious background? And did you not know of his particular religious affiliations before you got involved? It's obviously very important to him. If it is not to you, you may want to reconsider marrying him. I don't fnd that a man with morals and values is a bad man to want to consider as a life partner. If the two of you belong together, you will talk this through and figure a way. But I don't see that either of you have spent enough time talking about what is important to each of you to even consider marriage at this time.

Answer 7

This may sound harsh, but is this guy really right for you if you differ on something so fundamental? If his faith and the beliefs of his church influenced this decision (and there's nothing wrong with that), then they will influence many more things in the future. If you can't respect one another's convictions even now, things will only go downhill from here. It's frustrating that he changed his tune so abruptly, but he's obviously treating this as important, so you should tread carefully. Values affect people deeply, and rarely change because of another person.

Answer 8

If he dates you, he is committing adultery because you are still legally married to your husband. He is doing what God wants him to do. If you can't grasp that, you will lose him. His faith is important to him and I would expect you to respect that. Don't try telling me that you don't know how to wait. You are an adult, not a toddler so grow up and wait until you are divorced. Sorry it hurts, but that's life. You chose a man who values his relationship with God. If you can't respect that, you don't deserve such an outstanding man. Grow up and be patient instead of selfish. You can't have it your way. He is living the way God wants him to live. God won't like it if you mess with one of His children. The consequences for messing with one of God's children will be far worse than waiting until you are legally divorced so you aren't forcing a man to commit adultery. You don't have to sleep together for it to be adultery. As a Christian, he knows that he has no right dating a married woman. I think you should want to live the way God wants you to live. I think you should get into Bible study and going to church. Christians are advised to not marry non-Christians. It is called being "unequally yoked". It is not appropriate for a Christian to be in a relationship with a non-believer. If you were a Christian, you would know that.

Answer 9

Move on! His minister has made him feel ashamed that he is with you (maybe not on purpose) therefore he will probably still feel that way after your divorce is finalized! He may love you but he wants to save face more! You deserve someone that would stand up for you and your love!!! Good Luck

Answer 10

You have to realize that this BF of yours is weak. You can not let a priest run your life. Right now it's about you not being divorced, what will it be next time? how many time you make love? how you dress? the non-christian people you invite over for supper?.....Does he understand that he needs to commit to you and not his priest.