Are stay at home moms not pulling their fair share?

Question

My friend at work was saying that she didn't understand stay at home moms because she worked yet still did all the work around the house. She said stay at home moms are just people that use kids or the house as a convenient excuse to be basically "bums". I'm not so sure I agree. What do you think? Maybe some working people can comment

No offence Juniper, but you have an autistic child and you are still tempting fate by having other children. Isn't this REALLY risky? You could have another retarded kid.......

Answer 1

I don't agree. People make different choices for diffferent reasons. When I'm at home I work my butt off. When I'm at work I work my butt off. She should just not make ASSumptions and mind her own business.

Answer 2

This has been an argument that has been around since the 60's when a large number of mother's entered the work force. I'm a stay at home mom and I have a sister and sister in laws who work out side of the home. They have never made me feel like I wasn't doing as much as they because I didn't work out side of the home. In fact I watched each of their chidren at differnt points in their children's lives. I was the only aunt to have watched all of the grandchildren at some point in the last 30 years. We learned from my mother who was a stay at home mother rasing 9 children, helping take care of an older aunt of my father's who lived with us for about 10 years not to mention two dogs several cats and a couple of birds. My father used to say that she worked harder than he did and he was a fire fighter for 30 years. He would say that having to deal with 9 or 10 different personalites and ages was more difficult than fighting a fire and worrying about gettin trapped. How would my father know this, my mother got sick with TB and when that happened back in the 50's and 60's you were put into the hospital until you recovered and there were two times my mother was in the hospital for 11 months once and 9 months the next time and that left dad taking care of the kids. So he has the experince of doing both and theres' no way that you could say that a firefighter was a wimp or a sissy. I think it depends on how much help you get from the person that you're living with. Unless you have very young children you can always get some help by giving your children chores and things to do to help. If you have a partner you should make sure that they realize that since both work both should contribute to the up keep of the house and the care of the children. I think that there are times when people find it easier to do things themselves rather than have someone else do them, maybe because they want something done a specific way. Than you can't complain that you don't get any help. If someone trys to help and the person complains that it's not done right, Why would someone want to have to listen to that all the time? If would be easier and involve less stress to let the person do it themselves. Therefore after a while you're left doing everything yourself and wondering why no one will help you. l

Answer 3

WOW talk about a stupid statement. MOST people complain that Women do NOT stay home enough with their kids. stay at home Mother's should be respected not put down. It's NOT an easy job. also stay at home Father's should also be respected.

I work 3 jobs to support my self and my Daughter. I have a nice elderly Lady take care of her. only 4 days a week. the other times i take care of her. if i could I would LOVE to stay home and be a stay at home mom. but that can't be done right now.

I just can't understand your friends view on this. it blows my mind.

Answer 4

Well I'm a working mom of a 1 yr old. I kinda of feel to 'each his own'. So if a mom wants to work a 50 hour week and be a mom and wife then so be it. But if a mom wants to stay home and be with her kids then go on girl. I tried the whole stay at home thing and it definitely wasn't for me. I love her but my little girl was driving me bananas, not to mention my husband was too. I mean it has to be a combined decision with mom and dad though. Can we afford just one paycheck? Does the mom want to be dependent on her husband? Etc. I used to think that women like that were bums of some sort and sometimes I still do. I used to be in the Army and now I'm out but my husband is still in and I see that crap everyday. Women sit at home, pop out a few puppies and get fat! We call it the 'Soldiers Curse'! Besides I don't think a women should be financially dependent on her husband. I'm not sexist but think about the divorce rate is constantly rising and my mom has always told me 'be there bc you want to be there (with husband) not bc you need to be there (can't support yourself and your kids)

I know I rambled a little but I hope it helped

Answer 5

Your friend is dead wrong! Someone has to take care of the children. They are 100 times better off if that someone is their own mom. That said, childcare is very expensive usually taking a third to a half of someone's salary. If you factor in housework at $12.00 per hour. keeping the yard, garden and making meals no working woman could afford to pay someone to take on all these tasks. When children are in school all day it may be time for mom to go to work if her family cannot afford for her to stay home, but there is a lot to be said for a clean house, well kept yard and the time to be with the children when they return from school, even to be involved in their school activities during the day once in a while. No way is she just a bum. In the years before the 1950s it was very unusual for a mother to go to work. She always knew her job was to be there for her kids until they were grown. If a mother does work out of necessity it is only fair for her husband to share the housekeeping and cooking and homework responsibilities and to spend quality time with the children apart from this. Mom is only human and does need a little time to rest. I have been both, a stay at home and a working mom. I always felt I was not as good a mom when I worked outside the home.

Answer 6

I'd have to say it depends on the individual. But you cannot compare a woman who is child free to a woman who has children...it's apples and oranges.

I have observed that working moms tend to do less cleaning (no one is home to mess up the house), less cooking (more disposable income + less time to cook = more restaurant meals) and more driving family members to and from activities (again, more income provides for more recreational activities).

SAHMs are often involved in school and community activities, in addition to spending more hours per week on housekeeping duties.

Sure, there are probably some very idle SAHMs out there, but if they feed their kids, make sure the kids have clothes that fit, are clean and in good repair, see that the kids are in school, and keep the house clean enough to prevent infestation of vermin, then there's not as much TV & bon bon time as one might think.

I wonder, how does a working person determine what a SAHMs "fair share" is?

Answer 7

No offense, but I believe your friend is speaking out of ignorance. She's obviously not familiar with what's involved in properly managing a household.

I'm a working, single mom and have SAHM friends. They work just as hard, if not harder, than I do. I challenge any working mom to say that her household is run as efficiently as a responsible SAHM. As much as we want to feel like we're Superwoman and can do it all at 110%, reality dictates that it's impossible. Home stuff suffers when we divide our time between work and family. Period.

And... let's not forget.. there are plenty of people out there collecting paychecks who could be placed in the "bum" category.

Answer 8

Someone sounds bitter about her duties. It's easier to make others look bad so as to feel better about oneself. One could also make the argument that a working mother is selfish because she doesn't want to spend the time with her children, but that is just as unfairly small-minded and judgemental to say. I think it's very nice our American female ancestors paid the price to allow us to even have a choice either way. There is no right or wrong answer, it's just every girl doing what she can to do what's best for her family. I happen to stay at home because I am the best caregiver for my disabled child. Or a stay at home bum, whichever label soothes her ego.

Answer 9

Well, I am a stay-at-home mom, caring for a nearly four year old boy with autism, a two year old girl, and on bedrest (supposedly, anyways.. LOL ) due to pregnancy problems. Still, I keep pretty busy. I think that as long as neither husband nor wife is unduly exhausted, it's probably pretty fair. And no, women who are also working are not "doing it all" - they are delegating some of the childcare in order to pursue paid employment. That's totally up to them - perhaps their family is better off for it - but they don't get "double credit".

It's a tough job - you have to be your own boss and be really motivated to make your own schedule and learn about child development. But I think that any parent who is eager to "invest" in her child in some way - either with time or income - is probably not a bum.

EDIT: One of the other women made a great point - my husband takes over on the weekends sometimes (like when I have pregnancy problems) - and he is quite happy that he "gets to" go to work on Monday. It's exhilarating, but a really tough job. It helps a lot to know that my husband admires and respects me for my dedication to my "career", so it doesn't matter so much if other people don't know how much work goes into it.

EDIT: LOL, he's not "retarded", he's really pretty bright. He actually reads about 30-40 words. He's making some great progress now, thanks to proper interventions. Yeah, it has a genetic component, but so does cancer, asthma, allergies, heart disease, nearsightedness, etc. If I heard that the chance was 50-50 or something, I wouldn't risk it. But it appears to be pretty low, actually. So unless you don't have a family history of any of those other things..... perhaps you shouldn't breed either? Or shall we start handing out liscences to women between the ages of 20 and 28 to allow them to procreate? Down syndrome is a bummer, too, and may women are putting a child at risk by virtue of being in their 30s and pregnant. The decision to have a child is not so cut and dried. You are always tempting fate when you have a child. :-)

EDIT: You are not a very nice person, "New Account Today" -
"Is infertility God's punishment?" in the trying to conceive forum?
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AqyUS_gqQ53WdRYAGPwnMD_sy6IX?qid=20070711151251AAYpoqJ

Answer 10

I completely disagree with your friend. I have two friends who are stay-at-home moms, and one friend that is a homemaker. Each one of them works so very much more than I do. They dont get breaks, they dont get paid, and some of my (idiot) friends think that because they are home all the time, they dont have the right to complain when someone makes their work harder. I have witnessed the two moms feed their child, while cooking dinner for a house full of people and at the same time do the dishes that their roommate left from that morning and still manage to put a load of laundry in. I can barely do one thing to completion and they manage six. I may have two jobs and full time classes, but these women work so much harder than i do or even can.

Answer 11

Naomi,

I am a single dad. I have to be deliberate in career and home. I am a product of a strong home. My siblings and I have a continued belief that home is the most important if not critical part of the institution of marriage or civil unions to date. A home is a location where we teach and observe right from wrong, decision making skills, respect, principles and all of the soft skills expected in society.

To the extreme, terrorists have not had the benefit of a home and they fit the definition of a nomadic people. Society fails, when we can no longer provide a safe and carefree place for children to be children. "To color play and go outside." Stay at home moms need to be better respected and supported as contributors to the civilization we expect in the near present and future. Without their sway, we would have no hope and a dim view. For them it is a labor of love and devotion, it is for these reasons mom's are providing a product to their country and a service to others that someday we will all find ourselves dependent.