ok so my husband is in iraq. i love him more than anything. but everytime he calls home he tells me how unhappy in our marriage he is. he says he loves me and wants to be with me but things need to change. everytime i ask him what i can do to help the situation he says "i don't know" ok so my question is this... even though i love him and want to make this work, should i ask for a divorce to put him out of his misery? he obviously isn't happy. we've been together for 6 years and he hasn't been happy. why postpone this?
2007-07-11 10:09:48 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Do you think for a moment that he is saying these things because he thinks he's going to die and wants you to be able to move on in an easier fashion? Can you even fathom what kind of hellish things he is experiencing right now? Do you think he is in a rational, contemplative mood given his present situation? You are right, he's not happy... thinking he may get his head blown off at any moment or even worse!!! Give the guy a break and let him vent... then when he returns, get counseling immediately and go from there. Good luck, and God speed!!!
2007-07-11 10:16:28 · answer #1 · answered by jayjay 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
When you call each other - what are you talking about to each other? Is it close, is it personal? Is it loving or is it something else?
I ask this because the distance between you is not only the miles, time and distance it is internally becoming very hard to recall senses such as the ones you both got together for. That is to say the stay away is getting too long and too close for comfort to splitting it to bits. This is not everyones ideal situation though - it takes a lot of understaning really in order to get over it. Bite yer lips and get more personal , be the friend and lover on the other end of the line - when he arrives home you'll know the difference will be slight as you've kept up the goodness.
As for ending a marriage: don't 'ever' think about such procedures - the more you get around folk who have been through such things the longer your progression in marriage is not going to be.
If you begin to believe the rules of those who 'had' given up - you have lost! So stick your plans and know your own wants and needs.
Good luck!
2007-07-11 10:27:49 · answer #2 · answered by upyerjumper 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well first of all it seems like your husband is hidding something... the reason why he is so unhappy. You see it's just not possible for someone to feel unhappy in a marriage and not know the cause. He just do not want to tell you.
Divorce is always difficult but why continue to live with someone who does not love you? I always say life is too short to be unhappy and worst of all with someone who does not love you back.
I think that next time your husband tells you that, ask him if he would do counceling for your marriage since "he says he does not know why he is unhappy" then maybe a marriage councelor will help get his feeling out. If he says no... then you have to really find a solution for you... Because remember at the end of the day you have to be happy even if this happines is somewhere else!
Good luck!
2007-07-11 10:17:51 · answer #3 · answered by sweetsarah 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you should file for divorce while he is in Iraq. You should wait till he gets home. I can't imagine that it's easy with him being away so much; I'm sure that puts a strain on your relationship. Does he want a divorce? I think the best thing would be to wait until he gets back and maybe get some marriage counseling to try to salvage something that at one point was probably great.
2007-07-11 10:17:33 · answer #4 · answered by SWATgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say you love him and want it to work. He says he loves you & wants it to work. You cannot sort it whilst he is in Iraq so you will have to wait until he comes home. It must be difficult for you but you have no alternative really. He cannot answer you about what changes he wants because maybe he is unhappy with life in general and doesn't know. In any event, stick in there with him.
Perhaps it would help if you back off in terms of asking him what he wants. Just make him laugh, tell him jokes, send him clippings from the newspaper etc Etc take the pressure off him and it will all sort itself out. Its hard on both of you, you have to be strong here so that he can remain focused over there.
May God bless you both.
2007-07-11 10:18:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
So let me get this straight - hes all the way in Iraq, you haven't been together in how long? And he calls you to tell you how unhappy he is in your marriage? I would be wondering if he's found someone in Iraq. Sorry, but what would be the purpose of those phone calls otherwise. Clearly hes trying to tell you something, or clear his own conscience, or both. I'd ask him straight out if he was having an affair and go from there.
2007-07-11 10:14:01 · answer #6 · answered by slushpile reader 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In todays society, with so many failed marriages, the courts no longer really care who or why and just grant the divorce. Now if both parties seem to be wishy-washy about the divorce, the Judge may get the feeling that divorce isnt wanted by either and order marriage counseling. But in majority of cases the divorce is just granted to prevent further problems
2016-04-01 09:41:37 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say NO NO NO while he is gone. You have no idea what he is going through and if he has had time to get into his head and overthink things about your relationship. There is not a whole lot to do over there, so he has had a lot of time to analyze every part of your marriage. My advice would be to continue your support of him and once he gets back (and after he has reintegrated) you guys can talk about the state of your marriage. I would not go for the divorce yet. He may just be testing you or trying to push you away because he has seen other marriages break up over there.
2007-07-11 10:16:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
it could be just the current situation... and thats honestly what i think it is, hes there he might be attracted to others and he might even have infedelity but he is not going to be like this when he gets home,
he is more than likely insecure because your here and hes there and he isnt sure about you, from my experience this time away hurts both sides but when its over (if it can last that long) it will make you two stronger together, thats what it did for me.
relationships are suppossed to always build, right now u two are stuck in a situation but when you claim a certain victory over this, you two will just be closer...keep at it, just ignore him until it hurts to the point where you dont trust him, and even then try because theres nothing like a waste of all that time with someone, it does not just die.
2007-07-11 10:17:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think a long-distance divorce would be incredibly difficult. I would just reassure him that you love him and when he is back, you will go to counseling to figure out what is the best course of action. It's hard for anything to change when you are both in limbo like this. Just make an agreement that you won't discuss what isn't working between you two until he is back and you can work on it.
2007-07-11 10:13:41 · answer #10 · answered by ♫ Sweet Honesty ♫ 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋