Im living with someone who is graet hes been there and helped me so much expecially with my lil boy. Me and my husband have to much bad history and its impossible to work it out weve tryed alot but it just never works. I Know my ex-husband would still be willing to work it out cause even though im with someone else he claims to still love me the truth is I still miss him too but my life was just so bad with him and now I have so much better I just dont know if I should ignore the fact that i may still love him and try to be happy with my boyfriend or if I should still think there is hope for my marriage. Please help me make the right choice.
2007-07-11 09:54:03 · 16 answers · asked by starlet *red 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You're not going to like what I have to say. You should be on your own for a while. You just jumped from the frying pan into the fire. I went through the same thing but I stated free for a while until I could figure out what I wanted. Divorce is almost the same thing as a death. You have to go through the mourning process. Figure out what went wrong and what you exactly want for you and your son. It's not easy but nothing in life ever is.
2007-07-11 10:09:43 · answer #1 · answered by irisheyeslas 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, first you need to ask yourself, if all the reasons you had for splitting up and getting divorced were right there back in your face, would you make the same choice to leave again? The reason you need to ask that is, even though some people can change, very few ever really do. Some change for a little while but real change is rare and you will soon be looking right at all the same issues you did before. You are now going through the phase where you are remembering the good things and happy moments that make you question if you are doing the right thing. When you have a soon to be ex spouse that is there telling you they want to try and work it out, it makes it even more difficult. You know him and you know if he can or will change as well as anyone and you are in a much better position to make that call.
2007-07-11 10:11:55 · answer #2 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's my advice:
(I have some good observational background here, my mom is on her fourth marriage, my dad on his third and I'm on my second and LAST)
The best way to make the right choice would be to take a step back from everything. That means living on your own or with family. It's too hard to make a good decision about something when you can't see it from a distance.
This might not be what you wanted to hear, but at most, it would take you an extra four or five months. You may decide that neither man is the right one for you right now. You and your son deserve to be in a happy, healthy family.
Take some time to step back.
2007-07-11 09:59:32 · answer #3 · answered by Vanessa P 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The fact that you are already living with someone else tells me that you really need some help! Going through a divorce is a very traumatic event. Dont complicate it by jumping right into another relationship. Living with someone else isnt going to help you and in fact may harm you and your child further.
Your husband cant be expected to be very enthusiastic about working things out if he sees you already living with someone else. I think you need to learn to stand on your own two feet for awhile...without the help of some other man running in on a white horse to save you. Divorce is a very serious step...not to be taken lightly...not to be taken unless all effort has been made to reconcile. Remember...divorce is not just about you...it's also about your child. If you divorce your child's father it is going to affect your child...for the rest of their life too. Unless there is really physical abuse going on...I would strongly suggest that you try to seek marital counseling....with or without your husband....so that you really have an informed basis before you make such a drastic decision. IF in the end...you do decide to go through with a divorce...then I would strongly advise you to remain on as friendly terms as possible with your child's father. You will need his help and understanding in the years to come...as different events unfold in your child's life. Dont burn your bridges behind you...you may need to cross over them again. If I were you...I would put some space between myself all men that are not related to you for awhile...and take the time to concentrate on your child. Consider what is in the best interest of the child...and their needs...not just yours. Ask yourself how a divorce might affect the child now...two years from now, five years, etc. etc. etc. Also...there is no need to rush into anything. Maybe a separation of six months or more might inspire you and your husband to try and work things out.
Good Luck!
2007-07-11 10:19:11 · answer #4 · answered by mamagoes 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Starlet
Quite honestly, you could use some "on your own" time right now no matter how great your current bf is. You are not divorced. Living with another man before you get that divorce is adultery. Put your priorities in order. Don't drag around that little boy from man to man. He will be terribly confused at the very least. Finish up your current marriage before you decide to do this again. It's the right thing to do.
2007-07-11 10:03:35 · answer #5 · answered by Peanut 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You really are awfully young to have children yet and you should not have children in a faltering marriage - they stress a good marriage and destroy one that isn't strong. Most likely you are holding yourself away from him emotionally, shielding yourself. Why? Has he become neglectful? Do you resent your life or marriage? You say you feel he doesn't please you as much as he 'should' but how much pleasure you derive from sex is mostly up to you. If you want more of something or less et. al. you have to communicate that to him. If you are feeling emotionally disconnected you have to get to the bottom of it and initiate change to make it better - only you can do this, he can't do it for you. If you project negative vibes, 'Let's get this over with', then he will pick up on that and will 'get it over with'. If the issue is the sex has just become boring, then you can hold off for as long as you can stand it or start trying new things. Spanking, role-playing, tantric-sex, threesomes, etc...
2016-05-19 22:13:04 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one can make the choice for you, but you would be one rat, unstable lady if you were to go back with your soon to be ex. And the boy friend would have every right to never wish to speak to you again after your husband again treated you like dirt and you wanted to come back to him..... If I were your bf, I'd be pissed as hell that you asked a question like this on this forum... he is obviously a neat guy.... and you are unappreciative..... Get into some counseling, and stop being an idiot. As a friend of mine once said, "The only thing good reheated is stuffed cabbage". In your place, I would concentrate on my present relationship, which if I read it correctly is stable for both you and your child....
2007-07-11 10:02:17 · answer #7 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You definately cant ignore love but this new guy sounds really good. Quite a dilemma. You should see how things go with this new guy and if you are really interested in him. If things between you and your ex are really that bad then let him go even though you might still care about him your life seems like it will be a lot more peaceful without him.
2007-07-11 09:59:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like you need to take some time to be by yourself and find out who you are again. Most people in a relationship change just a little bit. Be by yourself with your son for awhile and focus on the two of you. After you have some time to adjust and find yourself, you will be better equipped to start looking for someone who completes you and your son. You are confused most likely because you have not allowed yourself the chance to get over one relationship before starting another one.
2007-07-11 10:02:19 · answer #9 · answered by supermom 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hello sorry to hear that . I would keep seeing your boyfriend let the husband know you'll always have feelings for him but it's time to move on. A marriage should be full of happy times full of love and to have your boyfriend respect you. Communication should be in a relationship always !! Good luck and stay strong..
2007-07-11 10:04:01 · answer #10 · answered by Tina the cat lover 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋