After 19 years of marraige to a women that is emotional and physcally abusive I just want to call it quits. The emotional abbuse has caused me to be on and off anti-depressents. Physcally she has never really hurt me bad but does blow up and hit me but not real hard. I have remained in the marriage so that my kids would have a mom and a dad. We put on a pretty good image in front of them though they do know we fight often. Am i doomed to just suffer the rest of my life or should I finally file for divorcee once the kids head off to college in two years?
2007-07-11 09:53:50 · 17 answers · asked by QCCP 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
To the person thats says I must be happy first maybe my question was not correctly titled. The question is just because i made a mistake 19 years ago am I forced to be in a abusive relationship for the rest of my life? The only reason that have put up with the abuse has been to keep a intact home no matter how sick that sounds I thought as a man it was my responsibility to keep the family together no matter what HELL i am living with .
2007-07-11 10:01:31 · update #1
Thanks for all of the response and we did try counseling. But it took me calling the police one night when she go so violent I was concerned for life. She blew up and went after my oldest with a knife he is 17 and was going to knock her out before she got close so I had to grab her and call 911. She says i shouldnt have called the police and all they did was ask her to leave for the night. So I guess my kids really do know whats going on just like to think they dont. They have even said I should leave and that they want to live with me. Just hate to see them hate there mother more and not see her if we divorce. Both kids say if we divorce they dont want to see her. Maybe the truth is I am just affraid of being alone...
2007-07-11 10:21:46 · update #2
This situation isn't healthy for anyone involved. I have been in an abusive relationship; he was physically, emotionally and verbally abusive. This will tear away at your soul and you may think your kids don't see it but trust me they do.
Yes you are allowed to be happy and staying together for your children is not good. This wears you down as a person and you are not being the best parent that can when you are in this state. You have to take care of yourself and be happy in order to be a good example for your children. To me marriage is a deal breaker once it becomes abusive. Know one deserves to be put through that kind of treatment. Don't live the rest of your life being miserable, you only live once and you deserve to be happy. Have you tried counseling??
2007-07-11 10:08:41 · answer #1 · answered by Cali Mom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's wonderful that you care so much about your children to put up with so much abuse. Even though she doesn't hit you hard, she still hits you and that's not right. Has she ever considered going through counseling with you? Because aside from the way that she treats you when she's angry, maybe there are some good points to her that you guys can work through.
If not, then I would say leave. Explain to your kids what's going on. Even though you think that you've been able to hide your fights so well from them, oftentimes children know what's going on. If they're about age 16 (you said they'd be going off to college in a couple of years, so I just assume), then maybe they're old enough to handle the fact that you need to be out of the house. It's not like they're 5 years old and would have to lead a life of being without you in their lives.
2007-07-11 10:04:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
im beginning to wonder the same thing. I think you should be happy, and as for staying for the kids? That is totally wrong. I tried that, but it didn't work. It lasted all of about 2 1/2 years. I do think everyone should be happy, and that it is your own fault if your not. You shouldn't stay somewhere you aren't wanted. someone out there will love you how you need to be loved and treat you the way you should be treated. good luck. I think you should leave her.... the kids will be ok.
2007-07-11 10:01:57 · answer #3 · answered by precious 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You think you put on a show for the kids. They know the real story, trust me. It will show up in their relationships later on in life, I'm sorry to inform you. It is not too late to show them how to live a life true to your own needs and convictions. You did them no favors staying in a dysfunctional relationship.
Seek counseling and file for divorce. You can still support your children financially and continue to parent them. The only person impeding your happiness is you. Good luck to you.
2007-07-11 10:15:48 · answer #4 · answered by amazingly intelligent 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may not even need to wait two years. Talk to her, let her know that this sort of thing has to stop. Tell her how you feel about it and see if it can get worked out... It's extremely respectable and honorable the fact that you stayed around because of your kids. They grew up with both their parents which is something that most people nowadays don't think about.
At the end of it all, you have to ask yourself if you want to continue doing this, if you want to put up with it. If you don't, start making the arrangements to get out.
2007-07-11 10:18:01 · answer #5 · answered by jomanuel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're a trooper for hanging in there as long as you have. At least you realize that it's HER with the problem and NOT you, as many abusers try to convince you. Get the hell out of there and live the rest of your life in peace and harmony with a real human being.
2007-07-11 10:02:49 · answer #6 · answered by Charlie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have filed for divorce along time ago. Trust me I know from experience. My parents stayed together for 17 years because they thought it was best for us kids, but I will tell you I wish my parents would have gotten divorced when I was younger. I could not stand to hear them constantly fight, it made me a very angry. I still have nightmares about my parents fighting to this day.
2007-07-11 10:04:22 · answer #7 · answered by jessica a 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get. Out. Right. Now.
Tust me, your kids don't think you guys are a good couple.
Don't wait two years or two months or two weeks.
The only thing worse than being in a bad marriage is being in a bad marriage one day longer than you need to.
You've earned your way out. Concentrate on being a good dad. Sometimes that means you're a good dad who isn't married to Mom.
2007-07-11 10:02:45 · answer #8 · answered by Vanessa P 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should get out of your marriage now. You've been through enough allready, and yes you are allowed to be happy. Your kids will understand and if they don't eventually they will come around when they see that your a much happier person without their mom.
2007-07-11 09:59:27 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get the divorce. your children are at a age that they will understand. Your children should come first, so talk to them before you make any rash choices. yes, everyone has the right to be happy, and if your not. you need to make the choice for yourself taking pills is not going to help for long.
2007-07-11 10:07:04 · answer #10 · answered by diablo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋