We're in a unique position. My husband works for his father in their family owned business. They fight constantly and most of their issues have nothing to do with work. My problem is my father-in-law's tendency to constantly criticize us. He feels that since he pays my husband he has the right to state his opinion about how we spend our money. He never says anything to my face, but he constantly makes comments to my husband. A few facts: we have no debt, everything we have is paid for, we have a nice stash of money saved, and I have a great paying job. In fact, I make more than my husband. My FIL had it rough growing up and was a single father, but rather being happy for our success, he constantly criticizes us. He tells my husband he doesn't deserve me, my education, our home, our car, our vacations, and the life we have built for ourselves. I don't get in the middle of their work fights, but I'm at the point where I can barely hold my toungue anymore. Any suggestions?
2007-07-11 09:14:02 · 8 answers · asked by Allison 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thank you for the advice thus far. A few things: my husband does tell his father that our life isn't his business, and that he doesn't appreciate the criticism. He still says it even though my husband has stopped sharing things with him. Also, my husband was raised by his father, not his mother, and is an only child. I've kept my thoughts to myself for 8 years, and even though my husband constantly stands up and tells him to butt out, FIL doesn't. My husband has stopped sharing things with him, which is sad because he is his father, but he's a smart man and knows how much things cost, etc. I know it's not my position to speak up, but he won't even listen to his own son.
2007-07-11 09:58:53 · update #1
to start with, your husband shouldn't come home and tell you the things his dad says. maybe he should grow some balls and tell his dad where to get off.
2007-07-11 09:21:30 · answer #1 · answered by racer 51 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
As misguided as it may be, your father in law is trying to push his son to achieve more and strive for higher goals. It sounds like what he lacks is tact and people skills. I am sure that he wants only the best for his son and you as well. Chances are he sees a lot of himself in his son and is wanting real bad to keep him from learning the same hard mistakes he had to. Rather than trying to find a way to stop what the FIL means as concern and care for the two of you, why not talk to your husband and ask him how he handles it and if it bothers him? It really is something from what you have said that your husband should handle with his dad. Maybe your husband needs to ask his dad why he is always being so hard on him and always saying he is not good enough. Perhaps your husband needs to tell dad that it would go a lot further in making him want to try harder if dad would just say "good job", "I'm Proud of you", "great idea" or something like that rather than the negative all the time. You need to be sure to build your husband up and that does not mean tearing his dad down either. You husband seems to hear the negative and as long as he feels, hears and has your support, he can do much, but if he feels he is fighting both you and his dad, he will look for an escape.
2007-07-11 09:47:27 · answer #2 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Allison, first of all its not about your FIL altho he is crossing the line. Communication is the key here!As long as you and your hubby are getting along fine, I think you should talk to your hubby and ask him to tell his dad that he should stop this constant criticism. Tell your hubby this is bothering you and doesn't want it to become a big issue. He should man up and ask his dad to quit his ways. If his dad does not want to quit, may be it is time for your hubby to quit his job.
Sometimes even it is less money, peace of mind is worth more than the money he or you makes.
I wouldnt talk to FIL if i had a difference of opinion or what have you. I would let my wife talk to her parent cuz there will be less friction.
Finally if your FIL doesnt want to quit his criticisms, you can ask your hubby to talk to your Mother in law or may be a sibling and get your thoughts across to him.
Sometimes words are more hurtful than physical damage, so ask your man to man up and talk to his dad and thats prolly the best solution before it becomes a stress on your marriage.
Good Luck
2007-07-11 09:36:24 · answer #3 · answered by Traveller4u 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband must be doing allot of talk with his father and without your knowledge and maybe even his own he is his fathers son so he shares more information than he should sounds like your father in law cares allot about you and his son and he easily gives advice.
Maybe your husband doesn't realize what he is doing to create the problem maybe he like many of us needs his fathers approval to feel successful or complete or something.
Why else would your father in law know so much.
2007-07-11 09:25:08 · answer #4 · answered by wkemrer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is teaching his son. If he was easy on him, he may feel like he is just handing things to him. As hard as he may be, there is love behind it. So learn to take his harshness as what it is.
Grow a thicker shin. Good luck.
2007-07-11 09:24:25 · answer #5 · answered by treasuredwife69 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell your husband to get another job.
2007-07-11 09:31:59 · answer #6 · answered by ron-D 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hubby needs to find a different job.
2007-07-11 09:18:32 · answer #7 · answered by melouofs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is Jealous of his Son!!!......He feels worthless compared to his son.....
2007-07-11 09:22:11 · answer #8 · answered by Been There Done That 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋