Husband and Brother both Messies living in my home... Need Helpful Suggestions?

Question

Hello everyone - I am new here but I have been trying to better the way I keep my house. I work full time and have a 2 year old son and an 11 year old step daughter who is with us frequently. We moved into our home in March and it has continuously gotten worse and worse. My brother who is 28 lives with us and he is fairly lazy when it comes to house cleaning as is my husband. I am not one to speak up a whole lot but I just don't know how to keep up with everything any longer. I get up in the morning, shuffle my son to daycare, go to work and pick my son up and go home, get any dishes done, cook dinner, do the dishes, do a load of laundry, get my son bathed and taken care of with dinner and to bed. Meanwhile, the guys sit on the couch watching TV. The only action I usually get is if I set a basket of laundry in front of them while they are watching TV but then I have to put it away in all the different bedrooms. If anyone has ideas on how to get them off the couch?? Please Help!

Answer 1

I agree with all of the above.
Just stop is my advice.
Don't do their laundry. Let them cook for themselves.
Just tell them you cannot continue doing this. Period.
Then ... why is your brother, a grown man, living with
you. This is no good for you or your marriage or your children. What do you think they are learning from this
horrible experience of you being a doormat and slave.
Tell him he has to go. Tell him to get a life.
I think the two men in your house are feeding into each other's adolescent behavior.
Your marriage will be ruined by this arrangement.
Be strong. Everyone will be up in arms for a while but they'll get over it.
Tell them you cannot continue and will not continue being the maid, the chef, the teacher, etc.
Under no circumstances should you be washing their clothes. Is your brother disabled? Retarded? Does he have a job?
You are doing work that is worth about 600 a week. But you are not only not getting paid, you are killing yourself and will become old before your time. Where's the fun here? Life is not a 24 hour a day chore list.
Do you have friends or family who can support you in this
horrible situation?
I hope this works out for you as it is sad to read about this
kind of abuse ... that's what is. Guaranteed!

Answer 2

Every time they leave something lying around pick it up and put it in a box. Tell them that they cannot have it back until they pay $2 to get it back out. That's $2 per item. If they leave lots of stuff lying around and they are on the couch all day I would say they don' have much cash so I think that they will soon learn not to leave things lying around.
To get them to pull their own weight tell them that you are going on strike but the only things you will be doing is things for yourself and your son. They will get a bit of a hit when they run out of clean clothes and there is no dinner on the table for them. You could also remove the T.V aerial. Good Luck let me know if you try any of these things and if so how they worked.

Answer 3

Ditto what Kia said! Excellent advice there.

Nothing is as effective as open communication. Avoid hostility, raising voices & name calling. Try to talk to your husband first, then your brother. Not both at once, that's like 2 against 1.

Your brother should be paying rent AND doing a good share of the household chores. Do not enable him any longer! You need help with the mundane so that you can enjoy your little Son. He will grow up so fast you'll miss it. Realize too that your son is learning how men treat women based on what he sees demonstrated at home.
Be strong, hang in there, and Good luck!

Answer 4

Cancel the cable or satellite service. Desperate times call for deperate measures. :)

Just start slowly by asking them to do little things, like take out the garbage or clean up the supper mess for you. If they help, just keep asking them to do it everyday until it becomes habit for them. Then one by one, add things to the list.

If they don't cooperate with you, go on strike. Don't yell or complain, or even say you're going on strike, just do it. When you get home, make sandwiches for you and your son, then plop down on the couch with the guys. OR, just turn the tv off and tell them that there's no tv until everything is done, and they can pitch in or pack their bags. If they turn it back on, unplug it, flip the breaker, whatever you have to do. Show them you mean business. It may mean a few days of some knock-down drag-outs, but your long-term sanity is worth the few days of chaos.

Answer 5

Tell you brother he has xx days to get his own place and stick to it. You pick the value of xx. Don't these guys work? After that, have a sit down with your husband and explain that it is unfair that he, and your brother, should lounge around all day while you not only work but take care of getting your daughter to school, the son to daycare, cook, and clean when you can. Sounds to me like you are more of a slave or servant than a wife. You have to stand up for yourself or he will continue walking all over you.

Answer 6

It's way past the time to have a sit down with these two. As long as you do everything, they will continue to do nothing. Delegate specific tasks, jobs, etc. for them to be in charge of and let them know you need them to start helping you. Your brother should be grateful you are letting him live with you and certainly should be taking on household responsibilities otherwise send him out to find his own place.

Answer 7

Invite your brother to find housing elsewhere or pitch in, be specific, say have to pick on on Tue, Thur and Sat or do all the dishes and take out trash, whatever. Then do like all wives with husbands, nag him.