I have cheated on my husband with another man. My husband is unaware of the infidelity, but he does know that I am unhappy in the marriage. My husband is a very nice person whom I have known for over eight years, and he does not deserve what I have done to him. I want to leave him, but it is so hard when I see how sad he is when I mention it. I haven't been happy for the last few years, because there is little between us besides a friendship. Since I betrayed his trust, I do not feel the friendship will be enough to sustain the crumbling marriage. He does not know about the cheating, and I do not want to hurt him by telling him the truth. I love him dearly, but I am no longer in love with him. I know I should have opened up to him instead of cheating, but its too late to change that. Any advice on what my next move should be?
2007-07-11 08:46:36 · 19 answers · asked by Sandy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You could try to spare him the pain of knowing about your infidelity, but the truth will more than likely come out eventually. Respect him enough to have him hear it from you and not through the grapevine. Since you have your mind set on not remaining in the relationship, leave now and let him get a start on a new life.
2007-07-11 08:52:51 · answer #1 · answered by ? 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Divorcing him will hurt too.. If you know there is NO way to work through the relationship or Don't want to - sure you want out - then, just divorce him and don't say anything about the cheating... that'll just add insult to injury... I'd just say that I was unhappy for whatever reasons you are unhappy and leave it at that.
But, if you think that you would want to TRY to work through this with him, tell him about the cheating and see where it goes.. Many marriages have worked through something like this. But, he may choose to end it once he knows the truth.
So, first you need to ask your self what YOU really want... then, take the first step towards divorce or truth.
2007-07-11 15:53:34 · answer #2 · answered by Wildflower 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
the most important thing in any marriage is friendship. my husband-to-be is my best friend in the world. you messed up lady. your husband sounds like a wonderful guy. of course i dont know all the details about what goes on between the two of you but i'd wager that you are pretty selfish and are only thinking about yourself. id say divorce him. why hurt him more? im sure there are plenty of women who would want a man like him so do him a favor and set him free before you make him think that all women are cheating whores. and a word of advice....when you are old and everything is wrinkly and saggy the only guy who would want to stay with you is one who loved you and who had a friendship with you. sorry but when your old and suffering from illness and need someone to comfort you.. no guy is gonna be with you for "passion".
2007-07-11 15:57:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I was your husband I think I would deal with the divorce, but if you add divorce + infidelity man that will break my heart even more because i will start asking myself was the other guy better than me.... If you feel like you cant work on saving your marriage then dont bring it up, but always remember it take two for a marriage to work.
2007-07-11 16:11:59 · answer #4 · answered by JustMe 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Then don't tell him....he doesn't deserve to be hurt. You leaving is going to hurt him enough. Hurting someone by confessing so you can clear your conscience is very selfish. You feel better for being honest, but now that person is having to deal with all the hurt feelings that they otherwise wouldn't have to deal with. But from here on, you need to be honest about not wanting to be with him anymore, if you really don't want to be with him then tell him. Otherwise you will eventually cheat again, and eventually he will find out.
2007-07-11 16:03:41 · answer #5 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I believe confession is a release of guilt. You get it off your chest & he feels decieved & wronged...keep it zipped! You cheated, you live with it. The next step is to decide if you're going to stay & be faithful. If the answer is no then split & let him know you're getting out of this has nothing to do with him. I had a cheating husband & believe me I wish he'd have kept it to himself! People do stupid **** in the heat of the moment & living with it on their own conscience is the pay back.
2007-07-11 16:23:13 · answer #6 · answered by Kelly 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would just separate. You admit youre no longer in love... Thats all you need to say to him, no need to drive the stake in the heart any further..
I said separate instead of divorce b/c maybe, just maybe things will improve when youre split and youll remember the things that made you fall in love with him.
Theres still hope...if you want it.
2007-07-11 15:55:38 · answer #7 · answered by Mergler 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he deserves honesty. if you don't love him anymore, why would you want to make him suffer by letting him think that there's hope for you're marriage if your heart isn't in it? a divorce may hurt, but the pain will get better
2007-07-11 15:57:28 · answer #8 · answered by hinderbaby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Next move should be marriage counseling. Don't throw your marriage away yet. And stop all contact with this other guy.
2007-07-11 16:17:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should tell him about your mistake, and take steps to get a divorce. No point in being unhappy. Eventually everything will be better
2007-07-11 15:54:22 · answer #10 · answered by maggi r 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋