I am in a California, in a serious relationship, and would want a prenup agreement done prior to marriage. I have relatively more assets than her going into the relationship, plus I have a daughter from a previous marriage. I am just not sure what is the best way to approach my fiancee about it. Any thoughts ?
2007-07-11 08:08:49 · 20 answers · asked by ckaadev 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Be direct. Tell her that this is in the best interest of you, as a couple, and your daughter. Make sure she knows that you are not trying to turn divorce into a self-fulfilling prophesy by asking, and tell her you love her, but that you feel like this is the most responsible thing to do because there is a child involved. Any mature woman would understand.
2007-07-11 08:14:09 · answer #1 · answered by Rachel-Pit Police-DSMG 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honesty works best. Always put your cards on the table and you will never regret it. Personally, I think you should have discussed this even prior to proposing. You have to tell her that given the disparity of assets and your daughter, you will need to have her sign a prenuptial. But, before you talk to her, see an attorney and first decide what you would be willing to give her for each month you're married should you divorce. Plus, you should have some kind of idea about her salary so that the two of you can contribute to the marital assets based upon that percentage. That way, you'll be prepared for her questions. In addition to this, you will also need to put your cards on the table about your will or trust so that there are no surprises. My advice to you would be to share your intentions of adding her to the trust incrementally as you are married in years. You need to take action right away. This is serious stuff and you can't wait until the end (like 2-3 weeks before the marriage) or legally, she could come back and say that she signed this stuff under duress. Good luck.
2007-07-11 08:25:53 · answer #2 · answered by Sondra 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You might start talking about long-term security for yourself, your daughter and for your fiancee. Maybe you can say that having been through this once before, everyone will be able to handle the situation better emotionally if some agreements on a separation, should the worst happen, be made now with a clear head. Also, instead of making it sound as though it is all about you, you can also talk about how she might want to provide for not only you but also her family in a will. And encourage her to do that. Therefore, this is all about both of you planning for the future.
2007-07-11 08:15:29 · answer #3 · answered by Wolfithius 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An important thing to keep in mind, especially when there are children from a prior marriage and possible custody issues, that a pre-nup actually benefits both parties.
A good lawyer will give you ideas on how to approach this with you fiancee. You fiancee needs this to protect her assets and also to make sure she gets the right amount of yours should you die, etc. rather than having your ex swoop in.
So, although pre-nups have a bad connotation, when done properly, they really benefit everyone.
2007-07-11 08:49:58 · answer #4 · answered by Ken 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say that you should have probably asked around the few weeks after you got engaged. I mean that would have been the best time to talk about it. Because with marriage comes the down side of divorce too, so you would have been very realistic about it. But since its well past that time now, I would probably suggest staying in have a nice dinner and everything have a bit of wine to relax you both and start talking about your future together. Telling her that you have thought long and hard about the pre nup idea and you would just like to be realistic about any possible things in the future. You love her, but you are also looking out for your daughter's future as well in this aspect.
2007-07-11 08:21:22 · answer #5 · answered by Cursed_Romantic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be direct and honest...let her know that you plan to spend your life with her, but that you also want to be sure that your daughter is cared for and that both of you would be protected financially in the case of a divorce. Encourage her to talk to an attornery (offer to pay for it) on her own to find out what they recommend she request. Then, after talking with a lawyer of your own to find out the recommendations for you, sit down and find the compromise. Keep in mind, prenups will not excuse you from paying spousal support compeletly. They can help you set guidelines on amounts based on the length of the marriage, if children are involved and if her marrying you gave her a signifigantly better lifestyle than she had on her own. A prenup is to protect both of you...and that is the way to approach it. If you come across as just wanting to be sure you get to keep all your stuff from before and during the marriage, you can bet she will refuse.
2007-07-11 08:16:43 · answer #6 · answered by Annie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Matter-of-factly. You could soften the blow by saying that this could protect her from accusations of coercion when you make a will in her favor. You missed the boat, however, in not raising this at the time you asked her to marry you. It would have ruined the romance, but this is going to do that anyway and she'll feel let down worse since she's been on a high.
OTH, are your assets and income potential sufficient to require you to do this, to start a marriage with its ending already planned? It's like renting a hotel room for a week at the first stop on your cruise.
Yes, Sir Paul was dumb not to have one, but, frankly, if you had that much money, you wouldn't be asking Yahoo Answers for help.
2007-07-11 08:17:00 · answer #7 · answered by Sarah C 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Start with asking her what her feelings are about a prenump. Be honest and reassuring with her about it. Let her know that while you don't anticipate anything going wrong with the marriage you still want to assure that you will both be taken care of if something is to happen. Try to point out things that she will benefit from in the prenump. Let her know that you think it would be best to have some of these things agreed upon while you are still in love and not while you are in the middle of a divorce (God forbid!) and hate each other. Good luck!
2007-07-11 09:51:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
With a large baseball bat..... you'll need it to fight her off when she figures out what you're up to......J/K
Seriously, just be honest with her. Tell her you love her and want to share everything in your life together but given that the world is a cruel place and you never know what may come in the future ( assure her at this point again that your intentions are for nothing to go wrong) but if it were to end you want to make sure that you and your daughter are taken care of.
Good Luck!
2007-07-11 08:15:10 · answer #9 · answered by Sunshine's Pic Is on 360 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just say listen lady, you may or may not be a gold digger, but I'm not taking any chances, so sign the damn prenup or you won't get any more of the good stuff you've been getting, until death do us part!
jk...I don't know, tough, one good thing about being broke and not having anything of major value is you don't have to worry with stuff like that.
2007-07-11 08:14:07 · answer #10 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋