My wife would like me act more Masculine. After 10yrs i think she should be accepting. Whos right?

Question

My wife says that I’m too effeminate and wants me to appear/be more masculine. Up to now I’ve told her to get over it, but its becoming more of an issue for her. Should I be making more of an effort to change this or is it just her problem?
According to her the following bothers her:
Feminine mannerisms, i.e. facial expressions, movements, talking with my hands
I enjoy cooking, organizing my kitchen or cleaning the house as much as I do working in the garage or getting greasy with my truck.
It really bugs her I like to pick out outfits for her and can mix and match her wardrobe (I think she dresses frumpy) but half the time I look like an orphan.
Typically I listen to Rock/heavy metal but have the guilty pleasure of some “girl CDs” i.e. Gwen Stefani, PKD etc. It really embarrasses her that I know the words and sing to them.
As far as intimacy she’s happy overall but thinks it’s strange I want to be the one pampered sometimes.
Last some of her friends implied to her that I'm bi.

btw I have never been attracted to a man.
As for her wardrobe, yeah i should lay off. She has her own style.
As for the kitchen, I have to bribe her to cook, she hates, it always has. I enjoy it so i figure if I'm cooking, its my kitchen. To be honest it drives my mom and hers nuts esp since i've taken over the family thanksgiving dinner. My plasma is in sight of the kitchen for the game.
I also don't sing in front of her friends, just in the car.

Answer 1

I think she's hanging out with the wrong crowd. I have a son-in-law who is a wonderful man. He's a wedding photographer and he loves to cook and thinks nothing of helping to keep the house clean. He's a great father of two little girls and he loves the wide open spaces and to hunt deer.

It sounds like all of a sudden, because of what her friends think, she's embarrassed of who you are.

I would tell her that after 10 years, to get real and get a grip.

Answer 2

I think you both have a ways to go. If she is bothered by you picking out outfits and mixing and matching her wardrobe, then stop doing it. And stop singing in front of her friends.

But she knows you enjoy her so you aren't gay, so that is a plus.

The problem is likely that she feels that if you are so effeminate that she will be seen as "masculine" or "butch" and that doesn't make her feel good about herself. Just like guys get "homophobic" in a way, so can women.

Stop trying to "be right" and just accept that she feels this way. You are trying to change her here as much as she is trying to change you.

If not, a few months of constant sports, living like a slob, being a jerk, not helping around the house, yelling at her and swearing, grunting instead of talking, and she will appreciate the guy you are.

Answer 3

You are both right. You need to meet each other half way on this one. I would love for my man to show a soft side (sometimes). I can understand where talking with your hands could be annoying to her. That would make you seem bi. But with all those other things, I think you are safe. Perhaps, your ability to be both masculine and feminine are what has made your marriage last so long. Just get rid of the hand movements. Tell her friends to worry about themselves. Go home tonight and take you wife like a "man".

Answer 4

It sounds to me that you are justifying the way you are. Whether or not you are bi or gay or straight, she married you that way, she can't try to change you now. However, marriage is about compromise. If you love her, maybe you can meet her half way. At least stop picking out her clothes and matching them. Let her have reign over the kitchen. I mean my husband is the cook in our house, but organize the kitchen he does not! If he behave as you described how you behave, I wouldn't have married him and if he starts to act that way now, and didn't stop at my insistence, then I'd seriously consider leaving him. If I wanted a woman I'd have not married a man. But again, if you were like that before you got married, then she can't complain now. Good luck to you both.

Answer 5

What does she want? More Masculine huh.... well spend a day sitting in front of the t.v. watching sports all day and crushing empty beer cans on your forehead for her. Oh and do't forget to tell her how fat she is and that she is lazy while you sit in a greasy Tshirt and shorts scratching your crotch. IS that masculine enough for her? HAHAHAHA!

Really you sound wonderful just the way you are and I think she needs to quit listening to those friends of hers. They are probably jealous. Good Luck. Some women just don't know when they have it good.

Answer 6

Personally, I like a more masculine man than as you described yourself. However, she married you for 'you' and should accept you as you are. I think the cooking and helping around the house is nice. I am not a girly girl and my husband is not TOO masculine. We appreciate our differences as an individual and as a man or woman. I think you are right. Be who you are, but also don't ignore her opinions completely.

Answer 7

I don't think you should insult her personal wardrobe. If you don't like it, don't look, goes both ways. If she keeps trying to change you, she recognizes you as a man, for sure, lol.

It can't be more embarrassing than any other man. At least you don't get into a gas contests including pull my finger and delight in talking about your bowel movements.

It just sounds like your habits get on each other's nerves. Nobody doesn't have them and there are worse ones.

Answer 8

You sound like a wonderful man to me. A lot of women would love to have a man like you. If she wants to keep you, she needs to get over it. She married you for who you are and now she thinks she can change you. Wrong. You are happy with you and if she isn't, tell her to not let the door hit her in her butt when she wants to leave. She should be more appreciative of a man like you. I wouldn't care what her friends say. They don't sound too bright to me for both thinking you are bi, and for telling your wife they think you're bi. It is no ones' business except for you and your wife. I think she needs to grow up and realize that she is married to a gem, and quit whining about petty stuff.

Answer 9

Hummmmmm

Answer 10

She should be accepting. Everybody has little "quirks". Maybe mention to her that you haven't changed in 10 yrs and you have no desire to change. You like who you are, and apparently she does too because she married you. Good Luck!