Marriage Counseling?

Question

Me and my husband are considering going to marriage counsiling because we argue all the time and we have to make it work because we just had a baby and we love eachother but we dont know how to comumunicate right.( we use to when we were dating) but i dont know if it would help us or it could make it worse?? has anyone ever been.. we dont really even know what they do there i know they talk to you but how is it? is it worth it? around how much do they charge and should we see a male or female?? please help

Answer 1

yes, I do believe they work, they can open up new ways of communication, it's not so much the counseling but also the mediating. Ask around for recommendations, as for the cost most places accept insurances, and if you don't have insurance look for a firm that works on a sliding scale fee.
I applaud you and your husband for not giving up and realizing that it is important for you to work on your problems. before long the will just be bumps in the road.

Answer 2

I disagree with the nay sayers completely.

Not everyone who knows how to drive a car is a mechanic, not everyone who uses a computer is an IT guru.

When your car has problems you take it to a mechanic, but when your relationship has problems you can't see a professional to help you fix that? Is it reasonable to expect every married couple to be experts in communication and relationships and be able to fix any problems that arise themselves? Give me a break - if this was true the divorce rate would be 5% not 50%+

There are good mechanics and bad, there are good counselors and bad. Find a good one, your marriage is worth it.

We are in counseling right now, I asked my wife for a divorce a month ago and she agreed but we decided to give counseling a chance. So far it's too early to tell if it can save our marriage but for the first time in a long time we both did something together (that was our homework from our last session) and both got along and even had fun - and my wife even kissed me this morning and smiled and said she was glad we are trying to work it out so already we are seeing some positive results and are both hopeful.

And for the comment about the cost - compare it to the cost of divorce and the breaking up of a family and even if there is a small chance of saving your marriage it's a bargain.

Answer 3

I think marriage counseling is good for all couples. If you want to make you marriage work, why not go to counseling. I mean how could it make it worst.You are already fighting and at each others nerves.

Just make sure that you go to counseling to try and make it work and not use the time to talk down to each other. Also try and spend some quality time together without your daughter.

Try and rekindle that magic from when you were dating. I hope you guys can make it work. God Bless!

Answer 4

From a male perspective, I've tried a few different ones. It's been helpful overall but the trick is finding someone BOTH of you can relate to. It's supposed to help. I have to warn you that pretty much every counselor I've ran across will tell you that it sounds like you need a divorce. This may take you by surprise but if one of you complains alot right away, it's just a tactic they use to get you to dismiss it. I sort of see it as a baramoter of where you're at. It isn't always a relaxing experience. I've had some that are very intrusive and others that are laid back. I'm sure alot of you will disagree with me on some of my points but I just think it really has to do with you and him wanting to work it out. Counseling is admitting that you are committed to focus until the problem is fixed. It doesn't have to be necessailry communication. It can be other arease like improving respect and trust in a relationship.

If you're both willing to go to counseling, then you both want to make it work. That's the most important thing. Once you get there together, then it's pretty simple to work most problems out. The trick is that both of you go willingly and not to pressure each other to go.

From a male perspective, it seems like women are better prepared to go thorugh counseling because men don't really like to talk about their feelings. But in the same hand, it's our chance to say what's on our minds without interuption or judgement to our character.

Bottom line is that nobody is going to fix your relationship for you. If you wan to work it out, offer counseling to your spouse and let him know that you want to work it out. If he's receptive and supportive, you're pretty much 80% there.

Don't be surprised if he doesn't want to go. Make sure the presentation doesn't point fingers because you can make him feel like you're just trying to convince him that he's wrong. The right focus is going in that both of you need help with your relationship and ensure that the mediator is a neutral party. If it makes him feel more comfortable, let him get involved on the selection process. Male or female really shouldn't matter. I've had both.

My wife and I love each other very much. But this has helped us through some complicated situations and I've been happy so far...One of the situations being after a pregnency :)

Answer 5

Yes, counseling can help. I have personally witnessed couples be helped. As a matter of fact, problems in the way you communicate is one of the things that counselors can help with most readily.

A lot of it is just coaching. For example, the counselor might ask you to say what's bothering you about your husband's behavior lately. For example, you say, "He never tries to come home on time anymore." The counselor might point out that your use of the word "never" is emotionally charged and accusatory. He might suggest you rephrase your complaint as a request: "Honey, would you please come home a little earlier tonight than you have been?" Or whatever. The great advantage to having a counselor is that he can tailor his recommendations to exactly what is happening in your relationship and in your conversational styles.

Counseling could make it worse, but this is likely to happen only if one of you is hiding something of great significance that gets brought out in counseling. For example, if you got into a heated argument in counseling things would get worse if your husband suddenly blurted angrily, "Well maybe I'd come home on time once in awhile if you gave head half as good as my girlfriend!" Like I said, though, that's not likely.

How much depends on the therapist. Check your health insurance policy first; many include assistance to pay for all or part of a course of counseling. Rates vary, but whether or not it's worth it depends on what you stand to get out of it. If it saves your new family, it's worth just about any cost.

Male or female is purely a matter of choice. Which of you gets more emotionally out of control in arguments? If it's you, I'd lean toward a female, but if it's your husband I'd lean toward a male.

And remember this old joke. Q: How many marriage counselors does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one, but it's got to really want to change!

Answer 6

It is important to correctly communicate your wants and needs without rage and resentment, and unfortunately, hon, we don't teach that in hs., and lots of people never make it to college to take courses in communication.

Yes indeed when you go to counseling, ask for language that will help you without trouncing on the other's ego.... There is a huge difference between, " Why in the world would you want to have that just awful sofa in our house? That is for sure the ugliest piece of sh(it) I have ever seen!! Are you trying to be stupid?" and "Gee , we have now looked at so many sofas, and I just fear we will never find what we both will like. Do you think maybe we should have one custom made? or should we suspend even trying to look for awhile?

In the first one, you have attacked the person's taste, in the second you have acknowledged you each have a problem, and you have suggested two ways to solve it...but neither solution is in stone.....

See the difference?

Get some hlep, hon, get the language of compormise.... you'll get your way more often with gentleness than with arguments.

Answer 7

sounds like it would help you guys. marriage counseling often focuses on improving the communication between a couple. it might help you to actually talk to each other and break out of the patterns of negative communication that you are using now. if it made your marriage worse then that wouldnt be because of the counseling, it would be because your marriage is doomed. more likely it will help you, especially if you are both committed to working together to make things better.

Answer 8

Sometimes, letting go seems like the easiest thing to do. But think about this: you've invested so much of your time and energy into another person; you've made a solemn promise; and you still know there's love, even if it's hiding underneath the surface. This website will show you how to save a marriage and avoid divorce, even if you're the only one trying https://tr.im/CjR6l

Answer 9

counselors help to get the husband and wife to recognize and identify poor behavior and communication tactics. I say if it will save your marriage, and make you happy give it a whirl. Why not spend the money to save your family, think of that new baby...., vs not spending the minimal amount now and paying out lawyer fees and alimony/child support later....

There is no price too great to save my marriage. Whatever it takes to make us happy, is what I will do. WITHIN REASON. This is within reason. You're nervous and wondering if it will help because you really want it to work. Give it a try, maybe you will have to test run the different counselors. Some times failed sessions arent because the therapy doesnt work, different people have different needs, and therapists vary. Their skill levels vary, and their attempts vary. Try out a session with a woman, and one with a man twice two different sets and see which would be better for you.

I really hope things work out for you...

Answer 10

Marriage counseling= one foot in the pool of divorce.