Step daughter is overly affectionate to father?

Question

When ever my husband and I take our children out to dinner, shopping, grocery store my 16 year old step daughter hangs on him. She makes us both very uncomfortable. He tries to give her a hug to let her know she is not being rejected and then moves away, however it is a constant thing. She places her arms around him, head on his shoulder, mouths his shirt. She has a slight physical defect and is over weight and insecure, she dosn't socialize, is very lazy however she is very pretty and has more potential than she realizes. We know other couples that have similar children that do not exihibit this kind of behavior. She is only with us every other weekend and have suggested counseling, her mother won't agree to it. We don't know what to do.

Answer 1

It sounds like she is trying to make sure that she is first in your husband's life when she is around.

She may be insecure and that is her way of feeling secure. She may need some counseling, if mom is not willing then maybe your husband needs to speak to her school and go from there. Hope you figure something out. Good Luck!

Answer 2

You both sit down and tell her that this is improper conduct for a father and daughter AT THIS AGE.

thats the point that has to be driven home. Certainally not that you discourage her to show affection as a daughter would and should but that these can be misinterpreted by other people.
tell her if she were 5 or 9 or even 10 that its not unusual but that a mature, young lady shows her feelings in other ways that are not public displays.

good luck.

By the way. Maybe after telling her this you should take her out on a shopping trip with lunch. Start to bring her into the world of adulthood as a mother/step mother can only do with a young and impressionable girl.

This may save you an awful lot of grief in the longrun. Especially when she becomes involved with boys her age. Or...*shudder*...older who only have one thing on their mind and that's to take advantage of her.

Good luck lady.

Answer 3

Well she is his child as much as the moms. Take her to counseling when she's with you every other week. Sounds like she has some serious insecurities, sounds like she's stuck in age, around 6 or 7 by her behavior. You have to really watch this because often times girls with similar mental defects are overly sexual. My mother used to work with mentally retarded (I hate that word) kids and a large part of their behavior is sexual...I don't know why. Anyway, just make sure she's never alone with your husband or her brothers, you don't want to make an uncomfortable situation much worse. Good luck to you.

Answer 4

This is simple. She is jealous of her father having another female in his life getting most of his attention and time. Because she is only with him every other weekend, she wants all his attention. Obviously she isn't going about it the right way. Her father needs to have a talk with her alone and set some boundaries and explain to her that he loves her and nothing will ever change that.

Answer 5

I think that since she only sees him every other weekend, she wants to make up for lost time, and her insecurity makes her cling to him. I feel that she may be afraid she'll lose him. Have the 2 of you sat down and had a heart to heart discussion about how this behavior is inappropriate especially in public?

Answer 6

Her mother goddamn well better agree to it.... she is being sudective, and this is inappropriate behavior for a 16 year old girl...... toward any man If your husband hasn't the ballss to tell her, the counselor will help him with the proper language to "back her off." If she starts doing this to guys at school, think "grandchild" and her ruined life.... Hon, this girl needs some professional help... it has gone on long enough..

Answer 7

My husband's 15 year old daughter was like this last summer every time we got in the swimming pool. We have 2 younger children who wanted to play with my husband too and it was bad enough trying to keep the little ones from hanging on dad and letting dad enjoy himself too, but the 15 year old wouldn't stop hanging on him either. It was so bad it was to the point of being embarrassing. I took it as her being jealous, she was hanging on him and jumping on him, it was kinda odd. He finally just said enough and made them all stop.

Answer 8

do you really need her mother to agree to counseling? this girl obviously needs help, and soon!!!! most people would just say that she is showing affection towards her father, but if it's gotten to the point that it's making her own father uncomfortable, something needs to be done. the mother seems to still be bitter about the divorce, why else would she not want her child to get help? good luck.

Answer 9

Has her mother, father or you talked to her about this? I think that should be the first step.

Though she is probably out of school right now, I would talk to a school counselor. They may be able to talk to her about this. This requires a lot less stigma and often times does not require the consent of parents if its just a couple of times.

Answer 10

Maybe this is her way of looking for attention that she is not getting at her moms home or maybe she is afraid of losing her father to you.The thing is, she needs to know that it is okay to be affectionate but that there are boundaries. I have never been to close to my father and he has always been in my life, I think he would have liked me to show some affection, but too much is too much, maybe sit down and talk with her, not directly about that, but about her fears and feelings, it would have helped me.