Mom to a 13 yr old who is totally subhuman.....?

Question

"Subhuman" is our family's description of an adolescent these days. lol I have a 13 yr old daughter who is very pretty and physically advanced for her age. Last night I had to remove her from a group of boys while out at pizza. She insists on hanging out around these guys even though she admits that she dislikes one, hates another and is mad at a third. I have told her numerous times that these boys are off limits but since she refused to listen to me I went and made her come sit with me and dad. She was POD! But my instincts tell me that these boys are the kind who would think nothing of it to get her alone and rape her. (No exagerating) We are not the strictest parents on the block, but with this I am adamant that she will not hang around with these guys. I don't want her hurt and I'm trying to keep her from getting into a position that she will regret later. And I guess I'm trying to keep her from growing up too fast.
Am I right in insisting that she abide by this "rule"?

AS I said it is a FAMILY joke that teens are subhuman. I am not picking on my child when saying this to her because she knows and hears frequently how awesome and wonderful she can be, and is.

Wow, so many encouraging reponses. It gets worrisome when you have to crack down hard on your child to keep them safe; so I am asking myself if I am being unusually protective.
I have a 19 yr old who was molested at 4 and at 8. So I really do take the time to explain to my 13 yr old exactly why I am not letting her do something, in other words, no, I am not just giving her orders here but rather life lessons (I hope). And believe it or not, she does try to understand where mom is coming from even if it means she has to come and ask more Q's.

Answer 1

As a parent it is your instinct to worry. I would be surprised if you let your 13 year old daughter hang out with boys. I would never be allowed. My advice would be just sit down and talk to her about it, but don't make it sound like she is breaking the the law. Be calm and rational with her. You are absolutely right by insisting the rule. Your the mom she is the child what you say goes until she is old enough to take responsibility for herself. And it is not at 13 in which she needs to do so.

But i understand where she is coming from. " These are my friends and you can't tell me who to hang out with." Of course she would refuse your rule and make up an excuse why she should hang out with them. For goodness sakes she's 13 stubborn, and thinks she is an adult.

And if she dislikes one hates another and is mad at the third why should she even be around them?

All i am saying is your the mom take control. But be understanding. If you feel she could potentially put herself in a dangerous situation then by all means share with her what you feel. Good luck and God Bless.

I am 14 by the way. =]

Answer 2

You're the parent and you have the right to make the rules. However, I suspect you've been giving her orders, rather than sitting down with her and explaining the dangers of her behavior. Let her know how concerned and frightened you are for her. Stop making her feel like a subhuman. She may be young, but she's a real person, and the years between 13-15 are the most dangerous for a girl. Nature has their hormones flowing while culture insists that they ignore their feelings. Both you and your husband should work with her to make her understand why you want her not to do these things.

Answer 3

I to have a 13 year old daughter so I know what you are going through. My wife went to a laundry mat to wash clothes.While they were there a grown man came in and started staring at my daughter he didn't stop until my wife made a comment I thought that was disgusting.All parents wish they could protect there children 24/7 but we can't.All we can do is hope we teach them the way the world is and hope they will make the right decision.When time came to talk about boys with my daughter I let her know what boys are looking for in girls.I also told her told her what boys are about since I am one.So far it has worked for me and just trust she will do the right thing.One more thing it has been my experience that if you tell your child not to do something they will go behind your back and do it any way.

Answer 4

If this is a limit you have set, you would only be undermining your role as a parent if you did not enforce a consequence.

That being said, I find that with my own children they are most likely to learn from the consequences I enforce when I do so without emotion and with as much empathy as possible - though that may not be my first reaction.

I find that if my first response is to be angry they shut off and zone out. I do the same thing at work, I'm not going to really listen to someone who is chewing my head off.

It sounds like you really love your daughter and that she has a great mom. Enforcing your limits will through time help her build more love and trust in you.

Answer 5

Oh sorry, given the fact that im a teenage subhuman, I don't think my answer will help very much.

xxx

I don't care if it is a joke or not. It's horrible. People do not choose when they are born, and to say that because you had sex less than eighteen years ago and had a child does not give you the right to not consider them fully human.
This question has insulted me, and I refuse to give an informed answer. Why would you want one from a subhuman?

Answer 6

You have been given lots of great info but I am surprised no one told you to change your language. You stated that "I have told her numerous times that these boys are off limits but since she refused to listen to me" . this type of statement will push her to rebel. Have you tried to say "I need you stay away from (insert name here)" "It scares me when you are around "Joe". It seems lame at first but in dealing with hundreds of teens/pre-teens it works. (To my surprise the first time I tried it) It also might help to give in a little (but stay within you comfort level). Example, she can speak to these boys when she is with her responsible girlfriends in a very public place. But, define limits VERY clearly. Also, try not to become emotional when discussing this topic. If you get angry, she will win the argument. Change as many statements to positive.

Also, allow her to have certain boy friends that you approve of. You can't keep her young forever, (although I really want to with my own daughter)

Edit: I forgot to add...she is getting something from these boys...you need to find out what it is. My guess, these are the popular boys and she is popular for being friends with them. I say this because of your statement that she doesn't really like them. I also agree with the other post that reminds you about consequences. But do not over do the consequences, they may back fire.

Answer 7

ABOLUTELY! She is only 13 and your motherly instincts are at work. Trust them! Your daughter may rebell and be angry at you, but she will get over it and realize that you are trying to protect her. You might also want to talk her her about why she wants to hang around these guys. She may enjoy the attention and the self-esteem boost even if it makes her uncomfortable. Once you know that reason, you can explain to her why hanging out alone with three guys at her age can be dangerous. But stick to your decisions and make sure that you have your husband's support too! Good luck!

Answer 8

SHE IS 13! NO BOYS! There will be time for that later, damn. She wants to hang out with them because a) You don't want her to, and b) They show her attention. Find a way to give her the attention she craves without embarrassing her. Find her a hobby that stimulates her brain or maybe gets her exercising. She will fight you at first, because it is you and you are the enemy. But eventually she will cave, try something you suggest, figure out she likes it, and thank you when she is 26.

Answer 9

yes i believe you are right but make sure at the same time she knows your concern even if she doesn't understand or see it that way. Make sure you have done everything to show her that you are not doing this just to be superior to her but you will be forceful and stick with your decision don't give in your doing the very right thing more parents need to be like you and be a parent and a friend, but more a parent.

Answer 10

As a 13 year old myself, I can understand your daughters point of view on this, but I think you are definately right to inforce this rule because her safety should come first. These guys sound creepy and not so safe. I hope this helped!