Why don't most woman see that my kids are so important to me?

Question

I am recently divorced and I try to spend as much time as possible with my two young daughters. I have recently met some women that I could have grown to love, but they both resented splitting time with my children. Do any ladies appreciate this rather than resent it?

Answer 1

I'd think it was wonderful. You're meeting all the wrong types of women - probably those who haven't had children yet so they don't understand. Stick to your guns. You can replace a relationship with a woman far easier than you can repair a damaged relationship with your daughters.

Answer 2

Because they are. They have finally had an epiphany that a husband will run out on them and they can't be trusted. The only ones that will stick with them, and that they really care about, and who really loves them, is the children. The women have finally figured that blood is thicker than a marriage vow to a chump. The kids and money are really two different concepts. While there are VERY few women who fight for the kids so they can get income, I dare say those are very few and far between. My children are my world. To take them away would be like depriving me of the ability to breathe. Most moms care about them. Caring is what happens from day one. The mom is generally the one who sacrifices her career to care for the children. When bottle fed, they are those ones that lose their sleep at night. They are the ones that meet with the teachers at school, and organize birthdays, and go to all doctor appointments. Really they are the main caretakers of the children. If the dad was so concerned for the kids, then maybe he should have kicked in when they were born. With a typical dad acting this way, he shows a pattern of a hands off parent. He sits and has a beer, while mom chases the kids, does laundry, and checks homework. To all of a sudden want primary care of the children to avoid paying child support, really shows that the money is the priority in the man's life. If the kids had always been his main priority, then his behavior would have been different for years. It is better for the person who has always been the primary caregiver to get the children. If mom was that caregiver, then dad would have to learn a whole new role. If the mom was the one who put her career first, and dad was the primary caregiver, then dad should get the kids. Maybe someone hasn't told you yet, but money doesn't buy happiness. A child can grow up perfectly happy without a lot of money. I'd much rather live in a shack with my children, then in a rich house with dad. I would sacrifice all my comforts and new clothes for them. I already do that. My husband though won't bat an eye to buy a $300 club. He isn't used to sacrifice. I look at that same $300 and think of what bill I could pay, or if the children need new clothes, or even a toy they'd been wanting. The reason that moms can't afford the kids on their own is this: First women are paid less then men for the same job. Then women's careers have been interrupted by childbirth, or staying at home. Then they have to pay for childcare if they do earn an income outside the home. Then they have to feed everybody, clothe them, pay medical, etc. Most wives also put the husbands career ahead of their own. That enables the man to rise to the top of the pay-scale, while mom works the part-time job around his schedule. It is MUCH easier to take care of yourself, then it is to take care of the family. To try and complain about the money shows the dad to have a HUGE personality flaw. Among those flaws is arrogance and selfishness. Caring for the children starts the day they are born, not only when faced when writing a monthly check. That means that money is the god. Children should ALWAYS come first. I don't think any man would fight for custody if they were faced with the concept of extra stress and work, and never getting a penny in support. Most moms still would fight for the kids. If the dads knew they wouldn't have to pay child support, most would be more than happy to let mom take the kids and to start life again as a bachelor. To dangle the choice of bachelorhood, or single dad of three, most would take being single. The moms would take the kids. Kids are more valuable than any amount of cash. If all you see are women who want the kids so they can get paid, then you either have blinders on, or are surrounded by self absorbed women whom I've never met.

Answer 3

Of course you love your daughters and want to spend time with them, and any woman will appreciate that. If would be very strange if you didn't. But it would help if you should look at the situation at the woman's point of view. See a woman who likes you or who's in love with you even wants to spend time with you. She wants to be wined and dined and ENJOY togetherness in peace. If you are looking at you watch all the time, that is what she resents. Not your daughters, or the time spent with them.

When you'll find a woman you really like, include her in her life. Don't juxtapose the kids and this woman you're seeing. It might be a good idea to date a single mom because she'd understand you better.

I don't believe in giving people numbers who come first, like kids come first and partner second, I think everybody is important in a different way. Giving numbers like that is cruel I think. Remember your future partner will be important for you when and if you will be raising the kids together.

When you are seeing someone, it is about you and her. Make her feel special, she deserves that. A dad is still a man, and a woman expects that!!! :)

Answer 4

Yes!!!!!!!!! A real woman should appreciate that you love and want to be with your kids! If any woman has a problem with you and your kids spending time together, than honestly, I would move on. It can only cause more problems later in the relationship. This is what is wrong with a lot of our youth now a days, parents don't spend enough quality time with them. Not all parents, referring to some! I commend you for this! And with your love for your kids, make sure they are in a good way about the woman you choose! It really helps. But mostly, if the woman is loving to your kids, than she is a good person. Good Luck!

Answer 5

- because they do love you. I used to be that way at first when it came to my husbands children when we first married. It takes time for that understanding of how important your kids are to you- to come. That love does not come over night. I think if a women reallly loves you she will love your children, too. The right women (a mature and healthy minded one) will not act like that. It still takes time even for the best of us. That is a hard one, too. Your dealing with all females. I will admit the male step-son of mine was easier to love than the female daughter because she is the replica of her ignorant mother. I still had to let that go because it's not the little girls fault. She is innocent and deserves a chance. So, the right women will understand. If you are choosing women that don't have children that could be your problem. Women with children will understand more and be more compromising. Good Luck!

Answer 6

If they have a problem with you spending time with your children, then you don't need them (the women). You are doing what you are supposed to do. I would think they would appreciate that fact. I would!! That's is a good trait for a man to have. Better to find that out now (about the women) instead of later when it's too late. Keep looking, there's someone out there that will love your children too. Good luck!!

Answer 7

Women who do this only seem to see the possibility of them having children with you and don't want to share time with children by a former marriage, which is downright selfish and childish. Also, some women not having an interest in having children can feel the same way. There are plenty of women out there who aren't so selfish, especially those in the latter catagory who don't want the hassle of getting pregnant but want the interplay with children. Find one of them to be happy.

Answer 8

when i meet my husband i knew that he had kids but it was still difficult 4 me when i did meet them.I did feel like he had high expectations from me and didnt know how or what 2 do.When we where dating i spend time with them once and after we got married they stayed with us 6 weeks where i was left alone with them cuz he had 2 work.it was not a good situation........!!!!!
My opinion is you should give your kids and your girlfriend time 2 get used 2 the situation. When they meet 4 the first time maybe it shouldnt be all day but maybe for an hour or 2.start of with going 2 the park or the mall...Make sure that u dont "hang all over " your girlfriend in front of the kids.I strongly believe that kids always few daddys girlfriend as the cause for the breakup of theyr parents.When i was 8 and was around my dad and girlfriend i was just sick cuz they didnt care being all over each other...!Talk 2 your kids and girlfriend and ask if they are ready 4 a meeting and dont just surprise them. go slow into it and try 2 understand the feelings and worrys that your kids and girlfriend may have...Good luck

Answer 9

I appreciate it. I love sharing time with my husband and my step children. The reason that some women don't appreciate it and actually resent it is because they feel threatened by the past relationship that those children are a product of.

Answer 10

I am glad to see a father take his free time and dedicate it to his daughters. Unfortunately, you need to look into the relationship you share with this women. Obviously she knew you had children of your own. Women love attention, however, I would be more concerned about a man I was dating that would put me before his own children. There are allot of women, professional or not, who in this time and era date men who have additional responsibilities of their own. Some women have experienced the same in dating men as you. If they are into an invested relationship for true love and compassion and not ulterior motives, you can have a healthy relationship with her and your girls.Plus, when you have children, there shouldn't be any reason to complain about being bored in your relationship. Hang in there. Your girls will always be with you.
Respectfully,