Does "independent woman" just mean "selfish and uncompromising"?

Question

Why in this "he's no good for you", "I don't need a man" world must men be more compromising and in some cases submissive in a relationship? How can you be independent in a relationship?

I don't want a submissive woman. I'm not a male chauvinist. Nor am I talking about the financials. We both work, pay equal bills, and we both do chores. I'm talking about wanting things their way or the high way. Doing things without telling the partner (woman's translation: asking for permission) or doing things on a whim - financially or for entertainment (ex: taking the kids to the movies or to dinner) without me.
Like I said independent = uncompromising?

Charlie: The interesting and satisfying life outside the relationship isn't what makes me happy. I never really enjoyed being single - or shallow relationships for that matter.

Marilynfsmgm: That's the female sentiment I'm getting. I can't understand how "doing what you want whenever you want" and not being a part of "what she does without me" as being in a "deep" relationship. That sounds like being single or boyfriend and girlfriend.

Answer 1

You're not describing an independent woman. When you talk about her selfish behavior and the feeling you need to be submissive in order to get along with her, you're describing inconsideration and a need to dominate or control on her part.

Independence in a relationship simply means loving the person more than you need them.

Answer 2

Perhaps by "selfish" you mean "self-absorbed" or "self-focused?" Perhaps the person or people in question simply needs a change of focus, something that distracts attention away from their own woes and reasons to complain. Some people can't be drawn away, but others may be open to the right stimulus. Some people just have a narrow focus that needs a swift "kick in the head" to widen the lens. How one goes about this depends on the person and the problem and the situation, so I can't say exactly how such a situation could be remedied. Sometimes avoidance is the only way.

Answer 3

Not necessarily, maybe its just "prideful and comfort of knowing she can financially take care of herself"
I definitely don't want a submissive man...but I don't want a man that is going to run my finances into the ground like my X did. Therefore I will never again combine my finances with another person EVER! Everything is 50/50. I don't want anything financial from him, nor will he get anything financial from me.
Maybe you're a nice guy and would never take, abuse, or thwart a woman's efforts, but trust me...there are alot of men out there who would. Not to mention there are just as many $$$ hungry, blood sucking, gold digging men out there as there are women.

Answer 4

So she should just sit and wait for you for every little thing? Never leave the house unless she is with you? Maybe you would like her to just clean house and never talk to anyone else?
A person still has rights once married or in a relationship. Male and female. You have the right to come and go and do things with out her and she has the same rights. It usually makes a relationship better when each has some things they do seperately.

Answer 5

I'm guessing being independent means that we no longer have to ask our husbands for money, we are fully capable of looking after ourselves and making decisions. No one should be the submissive in a relationship, both should be equal partners. In my case, until my husband figures out that we are equals now and he gets over the feeling that he has lost his Control of me, he is asking the same thing of why does he have to be submissive. If you see being an equal as being submissive then you are in trouble unless you find a woman who wants to stay home and take care of the house rather than work to help support her family, also equals the man having to find better employment or working 2 jobs to maintain the cost of living.
Good luck to you and i am glad its not just my husband that thinks he lost his superiority by having his wife work and earn a living and use her mind.
And I apologize if you find this b*tchy, I am just tired of men thinking they are being submissive when they should just try to be equals and work together with the partner to better the life that you are building together.
Sorry, misunderstood the question. Your right, it shouldnt be only her way, there should be a meet in the middle with everything. Before i spend money i talk to my husband, same as he does me. But that applies to anything over $100, anything less doesnt really matter unless we go over our weekly spending money. I dont do anything with out him, everything is done as a family other than the tanning minutes he got me, then he drives me to and from, while i tan he and my daughter have a little time to "cruise" just the 2 of them. I couldnt imagine my life with out him. good luck to you

Answer 6

Being independent means you stand on your own....Whether you are a man or woman...It's a sign of one's strength and committment to themselves with regards that yes, you don't need someone in your life but, WANT someone you can be with and share life experiences together....No one should be intimidiated by that kind of strength...

Answer 7

there's a big hint is in your desire to have someone submissive. would you want to be submissive? then why should a woman? human dignity is good for both men and women. men who have that hangup are often abusive and that's no fun to be married to, a woman is better off without a man like that.

Answer 8

Independence comes from the ability to financially support yourself as well as having interests and a satisfying life outside of the relationship.

Answer 9

she is saying she can support herself,she doesnt need a man for his money.it also says she has her own life and can go and do what she want when she wants without having to report to someone else.that as long as YOU TRUST HER what she does without you is her business.

Answer 10

it means that she can take care of herself without the help of a man and she does not need a man to become whole